Seeking out intellectual stimulation

[Garcon1986]

Hi, I value intellectual stimulation as a top quality from a date. However, I realize that seeking this out directly can limit my opportunities because this trait can be picked up.

 

Has anybody here craved intellectual stimulation, not been able to get it from their significant other, but either did it themselves, or convinced their SO to seek out intellectual stimulation with them, and then have it be a success? How common is that?

[Lotsgoingon]

So what do you mean by "intellectual stimulation"?

 

Example: do you mean having deep conversations about life, and about human nature? ... Or do you need discussions with other people are highly informed or highly educated on a topic or across a range of topics?

 

I'm not sure what you mean that this trait can be picked up ... Well yes, it can ... but so can the trait of exercising everyday ... or running a marathon.

 

But if someone is interested in marathon running, they'd be smart to make clear that 26-mile running is an interest and let others with that interest find them. So it is with intellectual discussion and stimulation.

 

You want to make clear that you have an interest in intellectual discussion and let people who appreciate that find you ... and let people who aspire to that ... find you as well.

 

Maybe I'm missing your point ... but this an analogy. Do you think someone highly interested in a religion should keep that quiet because others can pick up that trait? I doubt that you do.

 

Nothing to hide about the desire for intellectual stimulation.

Edited October 7, 2018 by Lotsgoingon

[Garcon1986]

I would ideally like to have conversations with highly informed people and have deeply intellectual conversations. If I can't have the first thing I think the second one would be great.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I would ideally like to have conversations with highly informed people and have deeply intellectual conversations. If I can't have the first thing I think the second one would be great.

 

About what topics?

[alphamale]

"intellectual stimulation" for me is watching NFL football on TV

[Garcon1986]

I can have an intellectual conversation about many things. Other cultures/ customs, music, anything science, marine bio, instruments, languages, travel, and especially having deep insight into something (I'm not really picky about what "something" is, just that I love it when somebody shows me really deep insight). A lady who can have a deep conversation about some of these things is what thrills me the most, and when she has a drive to keep on finding out new things about the world, that really is a keeper in my book.

 

Spectator sports don't cut it for me, I would rather be in the sport than watching it.

[Garcon1986]

I'll describe my dream woman because I met her at work - she's 25 years my senior but she's an American who grew up in Italy, has lived around the world due to having a military husband, and is one of the rare military gals who stuck through the marriage all these years. She is stunningly beautiful for being that mature, she always has a snarky thing to say at work, which is sometimes slightly unprofessional but always well timed, and has successfully brought three kids up to high school and college. She is in ultrasound, and we always have had excellent deep conversations about cardiology. I don't care that her income is much different than mine. I don't care that she doesn't have the wide variety of esoteric interests that I do, I am just floored that she is so street smart and has a personality that is unpredictably funny. I smile when I think about her even after leaving my old university for my new job. Best colleague ever.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

There are plenty of women out there to fit this bill, Garcon. Many women prefer to be lifelong learners and not spend all their weekdays at the salon .

[Lotsgoingon]

I agree with CautiouslyOptimistic: there are a ton of people out there who are highly informed about their work and can speak thoughtfully and interestingly about what they do.

[Chilli]

lt's very simple , no different from any other interests someone has and would like to share with their partner, like rock climbing, knitting , jumping out of perfectly good planes. :bunny:

 

You look for your type of person , as in your thing and in areas in life in common.

l've got 6 sisters and they're all very intellectual and have all met and married guys with similar things.

Uni , big business, teachers and stuff.

There's a lot of very well studied women out there that just love talking the heavy stuff.

[basil67]

Look for women who are uni grads...or who have a post grad.

[Garcon1986]

So then back to my original question, has anybody been able to transform their SO into a lifelong learner type, who didn't previously do this?

[elaine567]

So then back to my original question, has anybody been able to transform their SO into a lifelong learner type, who didn't previously do this?

 

 

I doubt it.

 

Silk purse and sow's ear, comes to mind.

People can be lifelong learner types in lowly occupations, but that spark is still there.

Someone who is happily whiling their life away, is not going to suddenly turn into Miss Intellectual.

It is rarely a good idea to plump for someone and think you can then turn them into something else, something else perhaps more suited to what you really want.

[FMW]

I don't think you can "transform" anyone into anything that isn't already in them, especially when it involves how they think and what motivates them.

[stillafool]

No. They either have an interest in ongoing education or they don't. Pick someone who is compatible in that area since that is the most important to you.

[Chilli]

Ya can't do or ask that of someone if it's not who they are or want to be.

But lf they had a genuine interest or develop one sure you could grow together.

[alphamale]

Look for women who are uni grads...or who have a post grad.

 

i exclusively date women with 4-year degrees or higher.

[thefooloftheyear]

i exclusively date women with 4-year degrees or higher.

 

Ill take the beauty school dropout with the killer body...:laugh:

 

All kidding aside...Id much rather have a partner with strong street smarts and savvy, over someone that spent years in school and cant competently operate a motor vehicle or flips out and has a mental breakdown, because the basement has some water in it or there is a spider on the wall....

 

Of course its great to have both, but I learned long ago, that what you really need to live a good life and survive the daily grind, you will never learn by sitting in a classroom..

 

TFY

[alphamale]

Ill take the beauty school dropout with the killer body...:laugh:

 

All kidding aside...Id much rather have a partner with strong street smarts and savvy, over someone that spent years in school and cant competently operate a motor vehicle or flips out and has a mental breakdown, because the basement has some water in it or there is a spider on the wall....

 

Of course its great to have both, but I learned long ago, that what you really need to live a good life and survive the daily grind, you will never learn by sitting in a classroom..

 

TFY

 

school teaches one how to think

[JuneL]

Ill take the beauty school dropout with the killer body...:laugh:

 

All kidding aside...Id much rather have a partner with strong street smarts and savvy, over someone that spent years in school and cant competently operate a motor vehicle or flips out and has a mental breakdown, because the basement has some water in it or there is a spider on the wall....

 

Of course its great to have both, but I learned long ago, that what you really need to live a good life and survive the daily grind, you will never learn by sitting in a classroom..

 

TFY

 

I have no doubt there’re plenty of men like you who only care about a woman’s looks. But the OP clearly values a woman’s intellectual ability...

 

Like I mentioned before, I have an uncle who married a rare beauty whom he considered not intelligent. I can assure you he would pick my aunt (his wife) over another woman with the same beauty but whom he thought was intelligent.

 

Melinda Gates, Laurene Powell, Priscilla Chan, Anne Wijcicki are all highly intelligent women. Each of their husband had his pick of Victoria Secrets supermodels, if only he wanted.

 

I can understand why they were gravitated toward women with outstanding intellectual ability. Just imagine the kind of moral support you’re getting can make a huge difference.

[JuneL]

OP: I think you would have better luck turning someone from having an obese to a toned body, than changing a person’s intellectual interests and ability.

[thefooloftheyear]

I have no doubt there’re plenty of men like you who only care about a woman’s looks. But the OP clearly values a woman’s intellectual ability...

 

Who said what I only care about??

 

 

Like I mentioned before, I have an uncle who married a rare beauty whom he considered not intelligent. I can assure you he would pick my aunt (his wife) over another woman with the same beauty but whom he thought was intelligent.

That's a great story..

 

Melinda Gates, Laurene Powell, Priscilla Chan, Anne Wijcicki are all highly intelligent women. Each of their husband had his pick of Victoria Secrets supermodels, if only he wanted.

And who knows if those guys have good looking mistresses to keep them busy...Not really all that far fetched..

 

I can understand why they were gravitated toward women with outstanding intellectual ability. Just imagine the kind of moral support you’re getting can make a huge difference

.

Like said in the previous post..."intelligence" is measured in many ways..One of the most accomplished guys I know has limited formal education, but is as sharp as anyone you would ever meet and is an accomplished businessman with probably a 60 mil net worth..

 

I've known plenty of women who, while have advanced formal education, have no social skills, limited basic common sense, can barely dress themselves properly, have poor sense of humor, etc....That's not my idea of an ideal partner...But to each their own..

 

TFY

[JuneL]

Like said in the previous post..."intelligence" is measured in many ways..One of the most accomplished guys I know has limited formal education, but is as sharp as anyone you would ever meet and is an accomplished businessman with probably a 60 mil net worth..

 

I've known plenty of women who, while have advanced formal education, have no social skills, limited basic common sense, can barely dress themselves properly, have poor sense of humor, etc....That's not my idea of an ideal partner...But to each their own..

 

TFY

 

I never mentioned “education” in my post. In fact, all except one of the husbands of those women I mentioned were college dropouts. Especially in the States, on average, where you got your degrees from can make a huge difference.

[Penguin_hugs]

I don't think you can completely transform someone in to an intellectual- but you can encourage what is already there?

 

Like I am fairly intelligent- I have a Masters degree, I work as a clinical pharmacist in a hospital. But I don't exactly come from a highly intelligent family. Majority of my family are in construction, stay at home parents etc, my parents worked in insurance. Few of my family even finished school. I have often felt awkward in family settings because I can't relate to conversations with my family. Subconsciously I realised that I was "dumbing myself down" for my family to fit in.

 

My BF is intelligent and takes pride in discussions and debates etc. He noticed I was dumbing myself down a bit and has encouraged me to return back to my original questioning self- and I feel more satisfied now. He was a bit concerned for a while. He noticed I was having conversations at the low end of the hierarchy of conversation- and encourages me much more to think higher.

[Els]

The SO and I both sought it as our #1 non-personality-related trait. Found it. Zero regrets.