Broke nc after 5 years

[hotpotato]

...and it was a waste of time for both of us.

 

Someone told me I was immature bc I never asked him why he broke up with me. So whatever, I did. I think if someone cared about the relationship, they'd say something before breaking up with the person.

 

He had n's excuses basically amounting to,"It wasn't you, it was me." He left for another woman, so he was fine enough to date, apparently. He had nothing specific to tell me.

 

I'll give him credit. He's the only guy to dump me and actually stay with the woman. It's been 5 years.

[Mardelis]

He met someone he liked better. I could have told you that 5 years ago.

[hotpotato]

He met someone he liked better. I could have told you that 5 years ago.

 

I was hoping for specifics like about what I did wrong.

[hotpotato]

She's probably not weird and quirky!

[hotpotato]

I'd agree that he liked her better. This is every time I date. If i ever date again, I'll have to face that people aren't loyal to me the way i am with them. Being the one who tries to work things out and talk about things got old.

 

This is my point abt relationships. Theirs very unpredictable. Someone can leave for any reason or no reason at all. I'm th some who tries to work through things.

Edited October 8, 2018 by hotpotato

[Cupid's Puppet]

...and it was a waste of time for both of us.

 

Someone told me I was immature bc I never asked him why he broke up with me. So whatever, I did. I think if someone cared about the relationship, they'd say something before breaking up with the person.

 

He had n's excuses basically amounting to,"It wasn't you, it was me." He left for another woman, so he was fine enough to date, apparently. He had nothing specific to tell me.

 

I'll give him credit. He's the only guy to dump me and actually stay with the woman. It's been 5 years.

 

So many questions...

 

How did you let someone convince you that you were immature? I think it's good that you didn't care why. A lot of us want to know why. I wish I didn't care why anyone rejected me because ultimately it doesn't change anything. It doesn't help you move on. It doesn't help you become a better person knowing what made them leave because the dumper doesn't automatically become a good judge of character simply because they didn't choose you. I think you were very mature for how you handled it the first time.

 

Why was this guy brought up 5 years later? Why do you still have his contact information? I recommend never ever reaching out to a dumper; I don't care how much time passes.

[Cupid's Puppet]

I'd agree that he liked her better. This is every time I date. If i ever date again, I'll have to face that people aren't loyal to me the way i am with them. Being the one who tries to work things out and talk about things got old.

 

This is my point abt relationships. Theirs very unpredictable. Someone can leave for any reason or no reason at all. I'm th some who tries to work through things.

 

Awe, it doesn't have to be like this for you forever. I don't know anything about the guys you dated, but from my own experience, those who were loyal to me were men who were loyal in their past relationships. Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior.

 

You might be thinking that because he has been with this new person for 5 years then he chose to be loyal to her and not you, but longevity does not equal loyalty. You have no idea what's going on behind closed doors. You said that maybe she's not quirky like you. Well..maybe she's not funny like you. Maybe she's the doormat he always wanted. Like you have no idea why he is with her and chooses to stay with her, but it is no reflection of YOU.

 

Sorry you've had a run of bad luck in the dating world, but thankfully every guy doesn't have GIGS. Here's hoping that you find that special one who isn't constantly looking for an "upgrade."

[elaine567]

Few people like conflict so when asked they are never going to tell you the real reason they broke up with you.

Why would they? They are moving on, they are done.

So you get the platitudes "It is not you it is me", "We were in a different place", "We had no future", "I needed space to sort my head out".

 

Never - "You were absolutely dreadful in bed",

"You were too ugly, too stupid, too low class, too dull... etc. for me.

"You were mentally unhinged, you need a psychiatrist",

"It was a huge relief to me the day you left..."

"Your feet stank and I hated your mother..."

Etc. etc.

 

BUT most just want to date other people, they are bored, fed up, the relationship has ran its course and they want to meet and date others.

Simple.

[hotpotato]

Few people like conflict so when asked they are never going to tell you the real reason they broke up with you.

Why would they? They are moving on, they are done.

So you get the platitudes "It is not you it is me", "We were in a different place", "We had no future", "I needed space to sort my head out".

 

Never - "You were absolutely dreadful in bed",

"You were too ugly, too stupid, too low class, too dull... etc. for me.

"You were mentally unhinged, you need a psychiatrist",

"It was a huge relief to me the day you left..."

"Your feet stank and I hated your mother..."

Etc. etc.

 

BUT most just want to date other people, they are bored, fed up, the relationship has ran its course and they want to meet and date others.

Simple.

That's basically what I told the person who called me "immature." Hard truth, most dumpers are happy to leave you, in the very least relieved. If he had cared abt what I did wrong, he would be said something instead of suddenly dumping me. Dumpers just about always have someone else lined up.

[hotpotato]

So many questions...

 

How did you let someone convince you that you were immature? I think it's good that you didn't care why. A lot of us want to know why. I wish I didn't care why anyone rejected me because ultimately it doesn't change anything. It doesn't help you move on. It doesn't help you become a better person knowing what made them leave because the dumper doesn't automatically become a good judge of character simply because they didn't choose you. I think you were very mature for how you handled it the first time.

 

Why was this guy brought up 5 years later? Why do you still have his contact information? I recommend never ever reaching out to a dumper; I don't care how much time passes.

 

This was someone kind of close to me. I told this person what my ex said and they were like,"Well, sometimes people don't know exact why they break up with someone." Then what was the point of me asking?

 

I think most dumpers go through a period of wondering why they were rejected. This dumping isn't fresh for me. As the dumpee, one can't do anything abt the situation anyway.

 

I messaged ex over Facebook. I never blocked him.

[hotpotato]

Awe, it doesn't have to be like this for you forever. I don't know anything about the guys you dated, but from my own experience, those who were loyal to me were men who were loyal in their past relationships. Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior.

 

You might be thinking that because he has been with this new person for 5 years then he chose to be loyal to her and not you, but longevity does not equal loyalty. You have no idea what's going on behind closed doors. You said that maybe she's not quirky like you. Well..maybe she's not funny like you. Maybe she's the doormat he always wanted. Like you have no idea why he is with her and chooses to stay with her, but it is no reflection of YOU.

 

Sorry you've had a run of bad luck in the dating world, but thankfully every guy doesn't have GIGS. Here's hoping that you find that special one who isn't constantly looking for an "upgrade."

 

It's ok, that's very nice of you.

Dating for me has been like playing a game but I don't know the rules. I decided dating isn't good for my mental health.