Nogan Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 I'd like to get your take, because it's actually fairly confusing. I sectioned off the background if you just want to read about recent events. ----------- We'd only been dating about 3 and a half months. Knew each other for a year beforehand. From what I understood, based off of what she told me, I was the first guy she'd been comfortable sleeping next to and doing more than just hooking up in something like 3-5 years. It seemed like there was a lot there, but we got caught up in the politics of the thing because I expect a lot from my partners and she was apprehensive past the initial stages of "wow this is really great and we click" and kept putting up walls. Felt like she'd been looking for a reason to justify that apprehension, and then I gave her one and she honed in on it and we stopped seeing each other. It took a moment for it to settle in, because we work together and she kept interacting with me about personal things as though nothing had changed. I wound up giving her the cold shoulder to get the distance I'd asked for, and she seemed to take the hint. Thought we were fine. A week into that, I found out through a mutual friend that she was pissed off at me for a variety of reasons, largely assumed on her part. I broached talking about them, and she responded with a curt and nasty text that was intended to hurt me. I think she must've felt guilty about it after my response, because she sidled up to me at work afterwards to apologize and agree that we should talk. That happened after work at a bar. She was hanging around me, and so I figured it was as good a time as any. She invited me over, and I knew where that would be headed. So we talked at her place. For an hour, first, about anything and everything, and then, eventually, about our perspectives post seeing each other. She was basically hurt that I'd started avoiding her and thought I was angry. She'd heard other coworkers gossip about the "breakup" I'd gone through and assumed I'd built up whatever we'd been doing as something more than it was and had told everyone who would listen about it like some lovesick boy. I hadn't. I explained that I'd started avoiding her because I missed her and just wanted the distance, but that I'd barely talked to anyone out of respect for her. ----------- That was that. Didn't get the sense that she was looking to get back together. We hugged. Didn't stop hugging. Started caressing. That predictably led to the bedroom. We stayed up talking for an hour and a half afterwards, and, this is where I've been confused, she became really affectionate. I left that night without staying over because I assumed if we were going to start hooking up again, that it would be just that. But she resumed texting me. And when I went over again the following night, I didn't get a chance to leave before she laid on top of me and wanted to cuddle that night and in the morning, which is particularly uncharacteristic for her. We've "hung out" pretty much every other night since this started again, and it's the same story each time. I go over, assuming I'll be there for an hour at most, and then she's just really touchy and affectionate. Lots of sweet little kisses on the cheek or the extremities, hand holding, just touching in general, and other stuff that wasn't even particularly common when we were actually seeing each other. Talking like old friends. She joked about me meeting her parents. But it's only like this when I'm over there and we're in private. That was one of the issues we ran into when we were seeing each other. It's like she wants to be left alone until she makes herself available for more, and that was easier to manage when we'd established exclusivity. Now? I consider her a free woman, so I've been anxious about the possibility of being used for validation or getting my hopes up by reading into this when maybe I'd be better served looking for someone in a position to provide consistency. But, I realized this past week, I've developed feelings for her. Before the breakup, obviously, but it wasn't until this perspective that it hit me one of these nights. She giggled about something while holding my hand, and it made me feel warm and happy all over, like my heart was smiling. And that's when I knew. And I don't know what to think about feeling that strongly about someone who probably wouldn't appreciate it. I can't shake the feeling that she must be feeling something, too, if she wants me over there that frequently and feels comfortable with that level of affection and intimacy. The sex was always phenomenal, but the affection was relatively sparing until now. It could be that she just doesn't respond to pressure or expectations, but feels more comfortable now that they aren't in play. And I have to ask myself if I can provide that without letting it destroy me, and if she's even worth that conflict. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted October 9, 2018 Share Posted October 9, 2018 (edited) she's giving you what she can. maybe just for now or maybe she'll slow roll in to exclusiviety. so, that means in today's parlance, you have to have the talk. about the next level. if you are willing to be friends with benefits, you need to know if she's "seeing" anyone else. because, last i heard you could get cooties . remember, everyone lies. so look her in the eyes and judge if you can trust her. during the "talk" let her know that you're happy with the way things are because you "like" her and enjoy what you share together. which leads to, "if we are not exclusive, we have to use a condom, every single time". even if you have been, she won't want to use one forever? which will lead to about where she sees this going (hopefully, to the next level) in regards to birth control and test results. now on to protecting yourself emotionally. since you say that she told you you are the only person she can be close to in bed, before and after, she may have anxiety of intimacy issues. she may just want to relax in a safe cocoon with a beneficial friend she enjoys, because she's too nervous about taking it to the next level. which would be what i believe is called "dating". that means you go outside of her bedroom together. to places outside work or her bedroom. ask her talk to her what have you got to lose? well, i'll tell you. you will lose your job if the two of you don't swear an oath to stop taking drama to work and playing it out in front of real adults. if a man told anyone besides his bestie, that we were banging, i'd have my head examined for getting naked with someone that can't be trusted. kiss and tell, NOT ON Edited October 9, 2018 by Miss Clavel Link to post Share on other sites
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