Am I wrong?

[Canadian]

We have been together for 15 years. Her phone is always hidden or upside down I’ve never thought much of it. Recently it was left open decided to have a look. Hit messages saw a thread with I initials only. The first thing i saw was hey Mr enough time for us to meet today? The read more wont go into all the details but at some point she tells hi. She feels like she’s trapped into a not gay version of broke back mountain..... after reading these every time she went to the city her phone would somehow not work properly easy it was in no service or off lol. Was always later then she would say. Arrive home dressed really nice for a shopping trip. So I confront her turns into a fight I admit where I found out. Few weeks later our sex life completely change she’s doing things we never have. Everything is different.

 

She claims they are only friends and being that I found her phone unlocked which she doesn’t believe she refuses to discuss she thinks I spied her phone.

 

A lot more but trying to keep this short

[understand50]

yeah, I would be concerned. More likely or not she is in some type of affair, hopefully just emotional, but could have crossed to physical.

 

Keep digging.

 

I wish you luck.

[40somethingGuy]

We have been together for 15 years. Her phone is always hidden or upside down I’ve never thought much of it. Recently it was left open decided to have a look. Hit messages saw a thread with I initials only. The first thing i saw was hey Mr enough time for us to meet today? The read more wont go into all the details but at some point she tells hi. She feels like she’s trapped into a not gay version of broke back mountain..... after reading these every time she went to the city her phone would somehow not work properly easy it was in no service or off lol. Was always later then she would say. Arrive home dressed really nice for a shopping trip. So I confront her turns into a fight I admit where I found out. Few weeks later our sex life completely change she’s doing things we never have. Everything is different.

 

She claims they are only friends and being that I found her phone unlocked which she doesn’t believe she refuses to discuss she thinks I spied her phone.

 

A lot more but trying to keep this short

 

Your message is hard to follow and some details would be needed. But it sounds like the reason you are doing things you never have before is because she is sleeping with someone else and it is adventureous. You are getting the crumbs due to guilt. This is a very common theme with cheating SOs. The phone is tell all enough. Dressing us is out of character. Did she change how she looks 'down there?' Maybe an extra grooming or full out shave? Just another red flag to consider if she is. She is 'friends' with this guy...friends with benefits.

[Canadian]

Your message is hard to follow and some details would be needed. But it sounds like the reason you are doing things you never have before is because she is sleeping with someone else and it is adventureous. You are getting the crumbs due to guilt. This is a very common theme with cheating SOs. The phone is tell all enough. Dressing us is out of character. Did she change how she looks 'down there?' Maybe an extra grooming or full out shave? Just another red flag to consider if she is. She is 'friends' with this guy...friends with benefits.

 

 

I know lots info missing was trying to keep it short. Yes lots of changes went full wax said the women did it by accident she didn’t ask for it. Then mommy makeover

[Mr. Lucky]

I know lots info missing was trying to keep it short. Yes lots of changes went full wax said the women did it by accident she didn’t ask for it. Then mommy makeover

 

You Canadians are a taciturn bunch. You'll have to provide some more details for context.

 

From what you've posted, seems like an awful lot of accidents, coincidences and mysteries. Those that have nothing to hide, hide nothing so all the phone secrecy and subsequent excuses aren't a good sign.

 

Do you have access to the phone account?

 

Mr. Lucky

[notbroken]

99.99% sure she is cheating. Waxing and new things = cheating. Sorry. You don't need proof - just tell her you know she is. BTDT and lost the t shirt in the divorce.

[SunnyWeather]

I know lots info missing was trying to keep it short. Yes lots of changes went full wax said the women did it by accident she didn’t ask for it. Then mommy makeover

 

 

that's a new one.

 

sorry, but it sounds like (from the best I could glean from your OP) that you two have a very odd communication style for a couple that has been together for 15 years. Why are you putting up with all the shady behavior?

[Canadian]

You Canadians are a taciturn bunch. You'll have to provide some more details for context.

 

From what you've posted, seems like an awful lot of accidents, coincidences and mysteries. Those that have nothing to hide, hide nothing so all the phone secrecy and subsequent excuses aren't a good sign.

 

Do you have access to the phone account?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Exactly too many.

 

No access at all she’s changed everything even has her own phone account she thought I was snooping and checking it when I didn’t have the password lol

[Canadian]

 

that's a new one.

 

sorry, but it sounds like (from the best I could glean from your OP) that you two have a very odd communication style for a couple that has been together for 15 years. Why are you putting up with all the shady behavior?

 

Not sure why I’ve put up with it for so long but I’m done with it

[NotCamelot]

Canadian.....

 

 

1. Sorry for what you are going through. You have come to a good place. Most here have been or are going through the same.

 

 

2. Your W is having sex with this "friend". I believe that. Wax, new things in bed. And, just out of curiosity, did she explain how that are was "accidentally" waxed????? I mean, really?!?!?

 

 

You need to gather all the info you can, things you can prove, before making the next move. And, letting her know is the worst thing you can do. As you have found out with her getting her own phone account, she will take things more and more underground to keep it hidden. The less she knows about what you know the better for your discovery process.

 

 

Voice Activated Recorder (VAR) hidden in her car. Those things reveal a lot. Just make sure it is well hidden.

 

 

Does she have a phone that can be tracked. iPhone has the "find my iphone"...if you know the apple ID, you can see where the phone is at any time. Android phones have something like that....not really sure what it is called.

 

 

But, you are right, she is in an affair. Just the limited amount of info you have given says "Yes".

 

 

 

Sorry..........

[Canadian]

Canadian.....

 

2. Your W is having sex with this "friend". I believe that. Wax, new things in bed. And, just out of curiosity, did she explain how that are was "accidentally" waxed????? I mean, really?!?!?

 

 

 

Thanks.

 

2- exactly what I said. You go for a leg and armpit wax and end up Brazilian really you didn’t notice or feel it or stop it lol

 

Var a real good idea. I like it

 

Nope she’s changed everything about her phone. Used to be on my account but she thought I was watching and spying and got her own lol. Sorry but I wasn’t didn’t have the password let her set it up

Edited October 11, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Chaparral]

A GPS on her car would be a worthwhile investment too.

 

Do you have kids?

[Canadian]

A GPS on her car would be a worthwhile investment too.

 

Do you have kids?

 

You bet one but not a real issue anymore he’s 21

[Just a Guy]

Hi Canadian, what is it that you want now? If you are convinced she has had a PA or even if she hasn't but is in an EA is it a deal breaker for you? Why are you letting her call the shots? I do not know what the legal implications for your relationship are ie. If it is a Common Law relationship do you have to go through a process like divorce with lawyers involved or can it just be dissolved overnight with some paper work, but whatever it is you should immediately put that into motion. You do not VARs or other methods to detect what she is doing. Give her the shock of her life the way she has done with you. Then sit back and see what her reaction is. If she wants to reconcile then you are in the driver's seat and can call the shots and if she is done with the relationship well then it is over. Either way you will be out of infidelity which should be your aim. Best wishes.

[Chaparral]

Having read many many threads there is a possibility I want warn you about. She is love bombing you to get your mind off of her cheating. As a rule, when women fall in love with another man they cut sex off completely or at least down to almost nothing.

 

What you have described is a woman that is having an affair/affairs for the thrill of it. She probably has no intention of stopping or divorcing. More than one male may involved.

 

Be prepared. Consult with a shark lawyer and hire a PI if at all possible.

[Canadian]

Having read many many threads there is a possibility I want warn you about. She is love bombing you to get your mind off of her cheating. As a rule, when women fall in love with another man they cut sex off completely or at least down to almost nothing.

 

What you have described is a woman that is having an affair/affairs for the thrill of it. She probably has no intention of stopping or divorcing. More than one male may involved.

 

Be prepared. Consult with a shark lawyer and hire a PI if at all possible.

 

Yeah IÂ’m thinking IÂ’m done with this mariage

[Canadian]

Hi Canadian, what is it that you want now? If you are convinced she has had a PA or even if she hasn't but is in an EA is it a deal breaker for you? Why are you letting her call the shots? I do not know what the legal implications for your relationship are ie. If it is a Common Law relationship do you have to go through a process like divorce with lawyers involved or can it just be dissolved overnight with some paper work, but whatever it is you should immediately put that into motion. You do not VARs or other methods to detect what she is doing. Give her the shock of her life the way she has done with you. Then sit back and see what her reaction is. If she wants to reconcile then you are in the driver's seat and can call the shots and if she is done with the relationship well then it is over. Either way you will be out of infidelity which should be your aim. Best wishes.

 

Wouldn’t of been a dealbreaker is she wasn’t lying about everything. No talk no discussion just refuses to talk about it. You’re correct about giving the shock

[standtall]

OP, she has already cheated on you with this guy physically multiple times. The question is why are you still with this cake eater.

 

You deserve better. Give her a hard ultimatum...either she opens up and fully discloses everything..no trickle truth BS, no "it's over so you don't need to know bs", no secrets, no locked phones, none of it, and if she doesn't comply, file. Otherwise she will own your ass for what is left your marriage.

[Canadian]

OP, she has already cheated on you with this guy physically multiple times. The question is why are you still with this cake eater.

 

You deserve better. Give her a hard ultimatum...either she opens up and fully discloses everything..no trickle truth BS, no "it's over so you don't need to know bs", no secrets, no locked phones, none of it, and if she doesn't comply, file. Otherwise she will own your ass for what is left your marriage.

 

That’s where I am at at this point. Sad thing it’s not the cheating that’s aggravating it’s all the lies attached to it. What’s left not much and what’s the point

[Marc878]

Man, all cheaters expect privacy to cheat. That's a given.

 

And "we're just friends" is the biggest lie told.

 

Better get an STD test. You don't want infected with something you may not be able to get rid of.

 

Not a way to live your life as you've seen.

 

Sorry you're here.

[ABernie]

I put a pw on my phone when I started my EA. "So the kids wouldn't play with it and break it." I started turning my phone upside down at night "because the light bothered me."

 

I ended up asking for D, but kept doing both. I was never confronted.

[merrmeade]

I put a pw on my phone when I started my EA. "So the kids wouldn't play with it and break it." I started turning my phone upside down at night "because the light bothered me."

 

I ended up asking for D, but kept doing both. I was never confronted.

 

That is really helpful. Wish more WSs past or present would share cheating tricks like that. Truth is nobody else knows as well as somebody who’s thought/lived like that and beyond denial. It’s just straightforward information that saves guessing and heartache. Thanks.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Canadian, if the cheating isn't a deal breaker for you then the lying is something insignificant compared to that and can be ignored. Why worry about the lying? That is just the icing on the cake. Also if the cheating is not a deal breaker for you then you might as well just suck up everything and be happy. Just don't get in her way and let her do as she pleases. She will be happy and so will you. Best wishes.

[merrmeade]

Hi Canadian, if the cheating isn't a deal breaker for you then the lying is something insignificant compared to that and can be ignored. Why worry about the lying? That is just the icing on the cake. Also if the cheating is not a deal breaker for you then you might as well just suck up everything and be happy. Just don't get in her way and let her do as she pleases. She will be happy and so will you. Best wishes.

This is sarcastic, right?