How long is it likely to take?

[shydad]

it won't 'work for me' technologically because my cell phone is old and incompatible with the Bumble app

Hi nospam99, I bought a replacement phone JUST to use this app, and it may turn out to be one of the best purchases I've ever made. It's really hard to put a price on the potential for lifelong love. I've abandoned most of my caution towards spending, as related to this pursuit. My last credit card statement was high, but I don't really care. I'm seeing the results of my efforts.

 

I'm not going to spend hundreds of dollars just to try Bumble.

I paid $24 for a refurbished Samsung J3 through the Tracfone website. Currently they have an even better one, a refurbished J7 for $55. Buy it, plus $30 for some data and a some minutes, and you're good to go. You really need to buy your own so you can talk with these women in real time. This is what is expected. It's like texting but through the app.

 

https://shop.tracfone.com/shop/en/tracfonestore/phones/tf-samsung-galaxy-j7-sky-pro-reconditioned

 

Sorry for not having more insight into your actual question, but I think a big part of it will depend on you. The short answer is, the more complicated you are, and your desires, the longer it is likely to take. I want a kind heart, and all else will fall into place. Simple, right? Of the dozen(ish) women you have dated, can you quantify how many were ended because you decided it wouldn't work, how many ended because she decided it wouldn't work, and how many ended because you both agreed it wouldn't work? If you don't mind getting into these details, I think this could turn into a potentially valuable discussion.

[No_Go]

I did OLD 3 times - at ages of 29, 30 and 32. At 29 I got a (terrible) boyfriend within maybe a week or two of joining OKC. An year later I was back single, joined eHarmony and got a boyfriend within a week (the first guy I've went out with). We dated two years. Then I was back in OLD again, and I fell for the first guy I met (within the first two weeks again) - didn't work out for long go and I started dating a guy at work so I stopped OLD for good:)

 

All being said - OLD works. For me the criteria was mainly how he communicates before the date via emails etc (writing style gives me the sense if well get along). It could be different for others, but shouldn't take long if you are targeting appropriately.

 

Sorry to bore those who recognize me, but 64 y/o male.

 

So ... I've been trying OLD now for a little over a year. At the start, it seemed to be working out rather well. I've still been meeting women at a comfortable pace but as time has passed the women I've met have been less interested in continuing to date. The 'population' of women turns over slowly so at this point I've tried to contact the 'regulars' and have to wait for 'fresh meat' i.e. women new to OLD or unhiding after a breakup. I get the sense that the newbies are both overwhelmed by the 'candy store' and having to take time to 'learn the rules of the game'. FWIW I plan to increase my 'other attempts' (pretty much meaning attend more meetups - but after 5 years of meetups it will be a first-time 'pleasant surprise' if I meet a woman at a meetup where there is mutual interest in dating).

 

I have to admit I'm getting jaded and frustrated. So my question today for y'all is how long is it reasonable to expect it to take to meet a good LTR prospect (or The ONE - I'm not asking about NSA ONS or FWB)? Personal anecdotes as examples are welcome

[nospam99]

Hey shydad, Off topic to my 'how long' thread, but I took your suggestion to try Bumble. I had to 'throw' a little over $100 at this project for the phone and plan. Bumble says I've got a match but I can't read it without a 'Boost'. Right now I have to recharge the phone I bought (my Blackberry is, as I suspected, incompatible with Bumble) but I'll keep trying. What I saw so far was disappointing though: a) mostly the same women I see on all the other sites and b) I find having to swipe down repeatedly on every woman to see all her pictures and read whatever information she decided to provide to be tedious c) if there is a way to see the lists of the women I have already swiped either left or right on, I haven't found it. Bottom line: the User Interface on this, my first iOS smartphone requires so much more digital (finger!) manipulation that I don't like it. I'll keep trying for a bit though.

[shydad]

Hey shydad, Off topic to my 'how long' thread, but I took your suggestion to try Bumble. I had to 'throw' a little over $100 at this project for the phone and plan. Bumble says I've got a match but I can't read it without a 'Boost'. Right now I have to recharge the phone I bought (my Blackberry is, as I suspected, incompatible with Bumble) but I'll keep trying. What I saw so far was disappointing though: a) mostly the same women I see on all the other sites and b) I find having to swipe down repeatedly on every woman to see all her pictures and read whatever information she decided to provide to be tedious c) if there is a way to see the lists of the women I have already swiped either left or right on, I haven't found it. Bottom line: the User Interface on this, my first iOS smartphone requires so much more digital (finger!) manipulation that I don't like it. I'll keep trying for a bit though.

Hi nospam99! This is good! You don't need to pay for a boost. Basically, you will see the match as soon as you swipe right on the person. You both have to swipe right to get a match. If a woman swipes right on you first, you'll see her in your "queue" but can't know who it is without paying for a boost. But you don't need to pay, since if you just swipe right on people you're interested in, and if she's one of them, you'll get a match.

 

I did see a small handful of the same women, but I mostly saw new women. I guess this can vary, though. The difference is that Bumble is free and Match is kind of expensive, so not everyone will want to use Match.

 

I don't think you are able to see who you swiped on, so once you swipe, that person is out of sight and out of mind unless you get a match.

 

It's true that a keyboard is easier to use than a cell phone screen, but keep in mind that the swiping can be a LOT faster than typing up messages which might get ignored. Also, once you get a conversation going, you can always ask to talk on the phone, if that's your preference.

 

I'm excited! Will you tell us if you get any matches? It might take a few days, btw. Also, if you're more than casually interested in someone, I suggest using the "super like" feature. It costs $2 each but it seems to get attention.

 

 

EDIT: BTW, once you get a match, your job is done. The woman will have 24 hours to write to you. If she fails to do so, the match is lost. The boost feature extends this to 48 hours, I think. I didn't think this was particularly valuable, though. If a woman can't respond in 24 hours, she can't be too interested, right?

Edited October 20, 2018 by shydad
to explain matches more

[nospam99]

Hi nospam99! This is good! You don't need to pay for a boost. Basically, you will see the match as soon as you swipe right on the person. You both have to swipe right to get a match. If a woman swipes right on you first, you'll see her in your "queue" but can't know who it is without paying for a boost. But you don't need to pay, since if you just swipe right on people you're interested in, and if she's one of them, you'll get a match.

 

I did see a small handful of the same women, but I mostly saw new women. I guess this can vary, though. The difference is that Bumble is free and Match is kind of expensive, so not everyone will want to use Match.

 

I don't think you are able to see who you swiped on, so once you swipe, that person is out of sight and out of mind unless you get a match.

 

It's true that a keyboard is easier to use than a cell phone screen, but keep in mind that the swiping can be a LOT faster than typing up messages which might get ignored. Also, once you get a conversation going, you can always ask to talk on the phone, if that's your preference.

 

I'm excited! Will you tell us if you get any matches? It might take a few days, btw. Also, if you're more than casually interested in someone, I suggest using the "super like" feature. It costs $2 each but it seems to get attention.

 

 

EDIT: BTW, once you get a match, your job is done. The woman will have 24 hours to write to you. If she fails to do so, the match is lost. The boost feature extends this to 48 hours, I think. I didn't think this was particularly valuable, though. If a woman can't respond in 24 hours, she can't be too interested, right?

 

The phone is charging so back to the salt mine. Right now 'taking a break' from swiping through the list and scrolling through each profile. I'm still seeing a lot of 'familiar faces'. In any case thanks for the tips. I've swiped right on several women but I really don't think this is going to work for me. I'm too lazy after becoming used to seeing dozens of filtered primary profile photos at a time in a multi-variable-sortable scrollable list on the web sites I've gotten used to. I actually don't mind the time spent typing messages since I'm still getting at least a 25% response (on match.com and 35% on POF) and by the time I decide to send a message I have a pretty good idea whether I'll like her and an 'educated guess' whether she'll like me. Bumble profiles vary tremendously in the amount of information provided to help me decide left or right. And none of them provide the notorious deal-breakers: what the WOMAN is 'looking for' in terms of the man's height, age, body type, income, location, and religion. But like I said, I've swiped right on several. Time will tell if my results are as good as yours. I do prefer pleasant surprises to unpleasant ones

[JuneL]

I’m so glad you took shydad’s advice and got an inexpensive phone to try this out. You’ve complained in another thread that young people these days are glued to their phones. That’s a fair complaint. However, you also don’t want to come across as some old man who’s very inflexible and who has trouble with the new technology that is supposed to be super easy to use. Btw, I thought Blackberries are compatible with Andriod apps now, no?

 

The phone is charging so back to the salt mine. Right now 'taking a break' from swiping through the list and scrolling through each profile. I'm still seeing a lot of 'familiar faces'. In any case thanks for the tips. I've swiped right on several women but I really don't think this is going to work for me. I'm too lazy after becoming used to seeing dozens of filtered primary profile photos at a time in a multi-variable-sortable scrollable list on the web sites I've gotten used to. I actually don't mind the time spent typing messages since I'm still getting at least a 25% response (on match.com and 35% on POF) and by the time I decide to send a message I have a pretty good idea whether I'll like her and an 'educated guess' whether she'll like me. Bumble profiles vary tremendously in the amount of information provided to help me decide left or right. And none of them provide the notorious deal-breakers: what the WOMAN is 'looking for' in terms of the man's height, age, body type, income, location, and religion. But like I said, I've swiped right on several. Time will tell if my results are as good as yours. I do prefer pleasant surprises to unpleasant ones

[nospam99]

I’m so glad you took shydad’s advice and got an inexpensive phone to try this out. You’ve complained in another thread that young people these days are glued to their phones. That’s a fair complaint. However, you also don’t want to come across as some old man who’s very inflexible and who has trouble with the new technology that is supposed to be super easy to use. Btw, I thought Blackberries are compatible with Andriod apps now, no?

 

I don't know. After all I'm a very inflexible old man who has trouble with new technology My Blackberry is 5 years old. Perhaps a newer one would be okay. In any case I bought the new phone and I'm using it to 'bumble along'.

 

New technology easy to use? I shrug and vote 'maybe'. It's what you're used to, all about the User Interface. I learned it well enough in a day to do what I want to do. And I'll bet that the 'kids' who have been using touch screen devices for years pick up how to use 'new' devices quickly. But as an urGeek who touch types on full keyboards and has three browsers installed on each of my workstations, the GUI on the new phone was 'foreign' to me at first, the small keys on the virtual keyboard used for data entry are too small for precision with my fingers, and if there is any documentation on what the various icons on the screen mean, it's hard enough to find that I haven't found it yet (I worked in deep IT for 35 years and have a strong prejudice for detailed PRINTED documentation). Things someone like me notices include that there were no instructions about how to charge the device. Yeah, I KNEW because of other devices I've used. But to not write the five sentences about charging through the USB port and how to use the charger plug that connects to the USB cable is just, to me, an 'unprofessional' omission.

[preraph]

I have a perfectly great android with voice typing and texting and all the Google stuff like Assistant and all sorts of things that only cost $134. It's Motorola G4 Play.

[shydad]

I'm a very inflexible old man ... I'm using it to 'bumble along'. ... I learned it well enough in a day to do what I want to do.

 

Very funny about bumbling along! Seriously though, people age differently, and you're not old at all. You remind me of my boss, who is almost exactly your age, I think, and is very athletic. He looks awesome, and has the energy and spryness of a young man. I really hope my body holds out like his. You seem to be learning the interface quickly enough. It took me a few days as well before I was comfortable with it, and a few weeks for the smartphone itself. Its been a couple months now and to some degree, I feel like one of those kids you mention. I'm pretty glued to this thing, mostly for texting, though, but I have a few dozen apps now. Match has an app too, btw. I can't imagine not having this phone with me now, whereas before I couldn't care less.

[nospam99]

Very funny about bumbling along! Seriously though, people age differently, and you're not old at all. You remind me of my boss, who is almost exactly your age, I think, and is very athletic. He looks awesome, and has the energy and spryness of a young man. I really hope my body holds out like his. You seem to be learning the interface quickly enough. It took me a few days as well before I was comfortable with it, and a few weeks for the smartphone itself. Its been a couple months now and to some degree, I feel like one of those kids you mention. I'm pretty glued to this thing, mostly for texting, though, but I have a few dozen apps now. Match has an app too, btw. I can't imagine not having this phone with me now, whereas before I couldn't care less.

 

Getting more and more off topic, turning into a bumble tutorial for me instead of a discussion of the half-life of an OLD safari ... oh well.

 

As a long-time geek (I was 'on' the publicly-accessible Internet in '93 cf. the earlier military, government, and academic access which I didn't get until '96), my 'device of choice' is a computer. To me, a phone is to talk to people and occasionally text. Even with 'dumb' cell phones, I appreciate being able to contact people when I'm not at home, especially on the road. The 'bandwidth' between me and the device (full-size keyboard vs touch screen or whatever and larger display viewport) makes any phone just 'too small' for anything other than talking or texting.

 

I cleared my queue of bumble ladies, swiping on each one presented to me. I'm 'sitting on' 3 in my 'Match Queue'. My guess is they are three women who have swiped right. Or maybe three who have matched but didn't choose to contact me? No conversations. (Meanwhile on another 'plane of existence' I have a match on match.com who exchanged 'positive' messages before taking an out of town trip over the weekend. Haven't reached the phone call stage. When she returns I'll find out if the interaction progresses.)

[Cersei]

I recommend going to the dollar store and getting a stylus or 2. Much easier for "bumbling along."

[JuneL]

I have no doubt you have a much deeper understanding of IT than most. But my point is, if someone told you that he was into computers even before Steve Wozniak was building his Apple I&II, but that he only felt comfortable using punch cards, what type of image is he giving off?

 

 

I don't know. After all I'm a very inflexible old man who has trouble with new technology My Blackberry is 5 years old. Perhaps a newer one would be okay. In any case I bought the new phone and I'm using it to 'bumble along'.

 

New technology easy to use? I shrug and vote 'maybe'. It's what you're used to, all about the User Interface. I learned it well enough in a day to do what I want to do. And I'll bet that the 'kids' who have been using touch screen devices for years pick up how to use 'new' devices quickly. But as an urGeek who touch types on full keyboards and has three browsers installed on each of my workstations, the GUI on the new phone was 'foreign' to me at first, the small keys on the virtual keyboard used for data entry are too small for precision with my fingers, and if there is any documentation on what the various icons on the screen mean, it's hard enough to find that I haven't found it yet (I worked in deep IT for 35 years and have a strong prejudice for detailed PRINTED documentation). Things someone like me notices include that there were no instructions about how to charge the device. Yeah, I KNEW because of other devices I've used. But to not write the five sentences about charging through the USB port and how to use the charger plug that connects to the USB cable is just, to me, an 'unprofessional' omission.

[nospam99]

I have no doubt you have a much deeper understanding of IT than most. But my point is, if someone told you that he was into computers even before Steve Wozniak was building his Apple I&II, but that he only felt comfortable using punch cards, what type of image is he giving off?

 

nospam goes searching the house for a dial telephone ... nope ... can't remember if I ever owned one any more ... found a push button phone that clicks like a dial phone though ... and a tone phone with a hard-wired handset instead of modular. That one is a tank. So it's actually plugged into one of the modular land line wall ports. Oh well. Time marches on. If only the cell signal didn't drop all the time. ...

 

Like anything, technology choices are trade-offs of factors like cost, availability, reliability, and security. FWIW I never saw any data breaches, malware, or Nigerian prince scams on punched-card systems or, for that matter, mainframes. But people couldn't carry them around in their pockets either.

[nospam99]

Back on topic ... I'm the OP and my intended topic is how long it can be expected to take to reach a specific dating goal of a LTR. Not a response, a contact, a meeting, a date, or a ONS, but a relationship.

 

I've only tried Bumble for a couple of days so nowhere near enough time to determine how it's going to work. But I can already observe a few weaknesses that it has for its stated purpose of letting the ladies 'drive' the preliminary interactions ...

- market size. Even though a lot of the women whose profiles I've seen on Bumble are familiar from one or MORE of match.com, POF, or Okcupid, the total number is small. Match.com provides me with several hundred 'candidates', POF several dozen, OKC and Bumble a much smaller number of dozens.

- waiting on the ladies. We're talking about a process model that depends on the women initiating the interpersonal connection. On the web sites, keeping in mind dealing with more people, I had ONE 'good' unsolicited contact and that occurred four months into my OLD experience. Sorry folks, because of the cost of connectivity, I'm only giving Bumble a month at a time. If I get no 'bites' the first month, I probably won't try a second one. Of course, time will tell.

 

On another front, my local speed dating coordinator replied to my email saying she's considering scheduling a 50s-60s event in early '19. There have been two in the last year (cf. monthly 30s-40s and 40s-50s events) with the last one having been in April.