questions

[gymnerd]

Hi LS. This is the situation. I was a the gym and I saw this attractive girl. I kept staring she caught me and would always look for me. That day we ended up at the same time in the change room. I thought she woulf of say hi but didn't. I was in shy too. This thing went on for 3 days till I had enought balls to talk. I asked if I would see you tomorrow at the same time. We talked how its always the same people and she says I see you here too. The next day again she's looking at me again we meet in the change room and talk. She's been in the USA for 2 mths she came here with h husband. When we talk we laugh she asks me questions and I do the same. Last week I gave her my number saying if you need anything let me know. I did not get hers or asked. We contiuned , talk at the gym and made plans to meet today at 10 am but she didn't show. Im pretty sure sh knows I'm a lesbian but once I found out she was married I stoppe lookin at her while she worked out. I don't cross that line. Why hasn't she called or text to say hi? Am I being dumb for thinking she wanted to be friends? Since she blew me off toda should I just forget about talking to her? Maybe she liked the attention,i dont know. I just don't want to feel like I have to chase someone to be friends. What would you guys do?

[Zapbasket]

Maybe she worried she was giving you the wrong signals, or maybe she was confused about your signals.

 

I know when I get the vibe that a woman I'm friendly with is a lesbian, I do worry about unintentionally leading her on. I might want to be friends, but nothing more, and I feel unsure about saying anything until I'm 100% sure she's a lesbian. And even then, I'd never presume she'd be attracted to me. So it can be a tricky situation as I don't want to misstep.

 

It could also simply be that something came up unexpectedly and she lost your number. Or she didn't lose your number but didn't want to be accountable for her gym time.

 

I think the only thing to do is be cordial and kind when you next see her, and just leave it be until you're sure you're both clear you're just making friendly chat in the gym. And then see if she wants to grab a coffee afterward. If she's interested in being friends, she'll either say yes or offer another time. Don't put too much thought into it at this point. It's just a gym acquaintance at the moment.

[gymnerd]

Maybe she worried she was giving you the wrong signals, or maybe she was confused about your signals.

 

I know when I get the vibe that a woman I'm friendly with is a lesbian, I do worry about unintentionally leading her on. I might want to be friends, but nothing more, and I feel unsure about saying anything until I'm 100% sure she's a lesbian. And even then, I'd never presume she'd be attracted to me. So it can be a tricky situation as I don't want to misstep.

 

It could also simply be that something came up unexpectedly and she lost your number. Or she didn't lose your number but didn't want to be accountable for her gym time.

 

I think the only thing to do is be cordial and kind when you next see her, and just leave it be until you're sure you're both clear you're just making friendly chat in the gym. And then see if she wants to grab a coffee afterward. If she's interested in being friends, she'll either say yes or offer another time. Don't put too much thought into it at this point. It's just a gym acquaintance at the moment.

 

Thank you for your reply. I never flirted with her. We just had friendly chit chats. Perhaps she could just tell that I was gay. Even when it's time to change, I'm that shy that I turn around or look down. I don't know. What I do know is, is that I feel pretty dumb. Here I thought I met a cool girl who would teach me how to get muscle and who liked my personality and wanted to be friends. I even made my intentions of "friends" by everytime I see her I'd say " there's my friend". I don't know. Some how I think if I just ignore the fact I haven't recieved a hello text and go out of my way toway hi like it's an ego boost for her. And I don't want to feel like I should prove to someone " hey I'm a great person and this is why we should be friends" I'm thinking I'm just going to ignore her, (not go out of way to say hi) learn some videos on muscle gain and think it's her lost, on not wanting to know me. I just feel so dumb right now. I hope this goes away tomorrow. Anyway, thank you

[Zapbasket]

Don't worry--it likely has nothing to do with you! Sometimes people just want to keep their gym as a place to work out and don't want it to be a social affair. I'm like that sometimes. I could totally see myself changing the time I go to the gym if things with one person got too chatty / friendly. Sometimes I just want to be able to do my own thing, and it's harder than it's worth, I feel, to explain that to someone who otherwise is pretty much a stranger.

 

Just be cool next time you see her. Smile, say hi, ask how she's adjusting to her move, and then go do your thing. If she wants to be your friend, she knows where to find you. Just let things shake out as they will. Remember, too, that she has just moved, and likely is overwhelmed with all the adjustments. Maybe as much as she wants new friends, she also needs a breather from all the "getting to know you" chats and offers of help. Maybe the gym is where she usually takes her breather.

 

And, maybe there are far more awesome people than her at your gym to get to know--you just haven't met them yet :-)

[gymnerd]

Don't worry--it likely has nothing to do with you! Sometimes people just want to keep their gym as a place to work out and don't want it to be a social affair. I'm like that sometimes. I could totally see myself changing the time I go to the gym if things with one person got too chatty / friendly. Sometimes I just want to be able to do my own thing, and it's harder than it's worth, I feel, to explain that to someone who otherwise is pretty much a stranger.

 

Just be cool next time you see her. Smile, say hi, ask how she's adjusting to her move, and then go do your thing. If she wants to be your friend, she knows where to find you. Just let things shake out as they will. Remember, too, that she has just moved, and likely is overwhelmed with all the adjustments. Maybe as much as she wants new friends, she also needs a breather from all the "getting to know you" chats and offers of help. Maybe the gym is where she usually takes her breather.

 

And, maybe there are far more awesome people than her at your gym to get to know--you just haven't met them yet :-)

 

Thanks GreenCove. I'll take your advice. Smile, a hello, and how are things, and move on. I will not make myself so available and give her this ego boost. Thanks again.