ABernie Posted October 9, 2018 Share Posted October 9, 2018 I have no idea what to do. Keep the same name as my children? Go back to maiden name? Another option? I've had married name for 40% of my life. My professional certifications are in married name. Bank accounts, pensions, passport, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 9, 2018 Share Posted October 9, 2018 My ex kept our married name for exactly the reason you identified - same name as our son. Some of it might depend on the tenor of your divorce - friendly? Bitter? No one right answer here... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author ABernie Posted October 9, 2018 Author Share Posted October 9, 2018 Divorce is friendly/amicable. Just brainstorming. I remember my neighbor growing up did not change her name back because there was a fee involved to do so (70s). I just don't want regrets. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 9, 2018 Share Posted October 9, 2018 I kept my married name. When I started a new relationship and we eventually had kids, I started to feel odd having my previous married name when my kids had the name of my new partner. So I had my name legally changed to that of my now family. I've never regretted the change. Take your time making a decisions. There's no rush. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 9, 2018 Share Posted October 9, 2018 Keeping the same surname as the kids certainly has practical advantages. Especially when travelling or otherwise acting as a parent in an official capacity, it may cause unnecessary red tape if your names are different. Practicalities aside though, you should do what you feel is right. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted October 9, 2018 Share Posted October 9, 2018 Just brainstorming. ... I just don't want regrets. If it's all the same to you right now, then just do what's easiest...which, going through the legalities and paperwork is a hassle. If/whenever you have more of a sense or strong conviction that you do want to change it, then the option is always open. You won't have to live with regrets. If, at that point, you wanted to take on a brand-new surname (not your family-of-origin's), then that'd be the time to do it, as well. My friend deliberately kept her married name until her children were of age where it didn't really affect them - 18 or 21, I don't remember exactly. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 9, 2018 Share Posted October 9, 2018 I just don't want regrets. Seems low risk. Should regret set in, change your name. As small and easily remedied a detail as this is, seems it represents something bigger... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted October 9, 2018 Share Posted October 9, 2018 I went back to my maiden name when my 23 year marriage ended, but I didn't have children. My father had also just died so reclaiming my birth name was important to me emotionally. It WAS a pain getting my name changed on everything, but it was worth it to me. Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 I went back to my maiden name, and have kept using my maiden name even though I'm married again. I use my husbands name informally. Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 I remarried and took my second husband's name. I am in the process of changing back to my previously married name so I share a name with my daughters, again. It's a fairly common name, easy to spell. My current married name is very Greek and impossible to spell. My maiden name is also hard to spell. I enjoyed having an easy name to spell. I even asked my first husband if he would mind. He said it was my name for over 32 years (more than half my life), so he had no problem with it. I'm looking forward to not having to spell my name anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 I remarried and took my second husband's name. I am in the process of changing back to my previously married name so I share a name with my daughters, again. You've remarried and your husband doesn't have an issue with you retaking your first husband's name? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 You've remarried and your husband doesn't have an issue with you retaking your first husband's name? Mr. Lucky I am currently (and permanently) estranged from my second husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 You've remarried and your husband doesn't have an issue with you retaking your first husband's name? Mr. Lucky After being married and having a husbands name it's longer his name but rather one of HER previous names and she can always go back as it's HER name from the day she first takes it and she doesn't have to have her ex husbands permission to do so since it isn't his name but HERS. At least that's the way I understand it. My ExW kept my name (no children) and only a 5 year marriage.. it didn't bother me but I did think it was odd since we had no kids together.. To each his own I guess... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 I am currently (and permanently) estranged from my second husband. Ah, understandable then. Thanks... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 Ah, understandable then. Thanks... Mr. Lucky I misread the post of yours I quoted upstream.. makes sense now... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ABernie Posted October 10, 2018 Author Share Posted October 10, 2018 Thank you all for the many responses. Both my maiden and married names are difficult to spell and pronounce. What I do like about my married name is that it was misspelled coming into the US, so there are very few and I am only 1 of 2 people (as far as I can tell) that have the same exact name. Many people have my maiden name. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 I misread the post of yours I quoted upstream.. makes sense now... No worries... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
norudder Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 Emotionally I am drawn to going back to my maiden name, it was fairly unique, only slightly difficult to spell. However for practical reasons, my professional history has been with my married name and I have kids who I want to keep that consistency with, it makes sense. I've also had it longer than my maiden name now. Ideally I would've kept my maiden name in the first place! It feels so far away as a past identity to who I am now, I don't exactly want to "go back", so I've changed how I think about my married name, the letters are the same but the meaning of it is very different. Evaluate your feelings as well as the practical, both have merit. Can always change your mind, no rush. Link to post Share on other sites
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