The emptiness is real

[Agent1]

I talked to her on the phone last night. She told me that she is signing a 6 month lease and that I need to accept that it is over. I am of course devastated that my marriage is over but I actually feel a little better now that I have this closure and not being dragged along with the "I don't want a divorce" one day and then the next day "It's over". I can start the healing and moving on process from her. I will continue to go to my meetings and therapies to heal myself and have a brighter future.

 

Today, I told her that she is no longer welcome over between classes - I will keep her on my health insurance but she needs to pay her portion - asked her to get her own phone plan this week - and told her I have removed her from all social media so that I can heal from this. She responded with the same nasty attitude she has had all along. Oh well.

 

So, I have failed to mention a huge part of this because I knew what everyone would say and I didn't think my heart could handle it, even though I already knew.... a month ago I saw that she was googling things like "is my crush ruining my marriage" ect.. I have caught her in lies about this women she works with, I did something crazy and waited after one of her classes to see what she was gonna do because I know she was with the girl, and sure as sh*t, I see them leave together and get in my wife's car and they drive to a restaurant near by. Mind you this is at 10PM. So, i confront them and my wife is saying "we are friends" blah blah... She won't admit to an affair. I dont know if it has actually been physical yet but definitely emotional. She has told this girl everything about our marriage (from her perspective of course). The girl just ended her marriage in September as well. My wife is adamant that they are friends but too many signs are there for me to ignore.

[GinON]

So, I have failed to mention a huge part of this because I knew what everyone would say and I didn't think my heart could handle it, even though I already knew.... a month ago I saw that she was googling things like "is my crush ruining my marriage" ect.. I have caught her in lies about this women she works with, I did something crazy and waited after one of her classes to see what she was gonna do because I know she was with the girl, and sure as sh*t, I see them leave together and get in my wife's car and they drive to a restaurant near by. Mind you this is at 10PM. So, i confront them and my wife is saying "we are friends" blah blah... She won't admit to an affair. I dont know if it has actually been physical yet but definitely emotional. She has told this girl everything about our marriage (from her perspective of course). The girl just ended her marriage in September as well. My wife is adamant that they are friends but too many signs are there for me to ignore.

Its too bad about that she has been moving on in that way from you because it adds a layer of hurt but gives you an even better reason to move on. You might consider a period of time on the insurance, but its a nice thing to do. I will be without if my wife leaves at some point but have a buffer for several months. I am using this time to take care of all my medical conditions.

[Agent1]

I really can't understand how someone can go from loving you to hating you in less than a month. I know it is because of her affair fog but dang.

 

Just the total lack of emotion for someone she has loved for this long. It is literally like i am nothing to her. Is this common of people having affairs?? I have so much evidence to prove her affair but she still denies it and continue to blame everything on me.

 

My latest evidence is a selfie that her nasty a$$ affair partner posted at her house and I can see my wife's shoes and purse in the background. There has been so much crap. It is soooo hurtful!!

 

It is easier for her to make up this horrible marriage to justify what she is doing than to admit she is wrong for it. The story she tells me about how bad our marriage was is just a shock to me because it is so not true. We had issues of course but wow. You would have thought I chained her in the basement and beat her up everyday for years.

[Agent1]

I feel like every time I have an update it's gone 100% more terrible.

 

So, last night I saw that she deleted me pretty much off of her Instagram. Not only that, but she took the time to go to my page (from both of her accounts, business and private) and unlike all of my pictures and delete any comments she left. That's not even the worse. She also unliked and deleted the comments she left on individual pictures of my son. What did he ever do to her?? He loved her! I THOUGHT she loved him, I don't know. My heart is just so broken for him.

 

She can be hateful to me, fine whatever makes her feel better but why my kid?

 

I am just more confused everyday. I have no idea what I did that was so awful to her to make her despise me. She is literally acting as if this was a 6 month dating relationship and I screwed her over.

 

I mean, yeah I had anger issues and insecurities but dang. I loved her so deeply and was willing to fight for my marriage and her. At this point, I think she has something going on inside of herself that is making her so hateful. It is just easier for her to take it out on me and make me a monster.

 

I will continue to work on my anger and insecurities (although this has set me back in the trust department) for my future because one day I will find someone who loves me like something fierce. I still go to my groups and my individual therapies.

 

We were supposed to go on a cruise today that I bought her for her birthday but she told me she didn't want to go, so I lost out on $1300, meanwhile she went with a mutual friend to Aruba today.

 

Has anyone experienced such anger and nastiness in this process? It would be easier for me to be angry and treat her like trash but I don't want to be that person, so I will just go about my life wishing her nothing but peace and happiness.

[Agent1]

Forgot to add that I set up an appointment with a divorce lawyer for Monday.

[Insoc]

To tell you how quick I ran to the Lawyer, it was 3 days after I found out about her online fantasy affair, my Wife pushed it on me and was very nasty, flipped a switch on me without a care. I had to pay a hefty retainer fee and went into debt, I got one statement already and it's more than 50% depleted, just hope the remainder will get me through to the end.

 

My Wife isn't paying for it, so she doesn't care. It's business as usual, online shopping and no emotional baggage, this is even after the romance scammer thing ended.

 

The reason why she deleted you from Instagram is because she doesn't want you to know her business, my Wife has Instagram, this is how this all started, she created the page and men and scammers were contacted her from her pics and interests. Instagram is like Tinder now, a dating site.

 

Sometimes I ask myself the same question, "what did I do to deserve this"? I mean I wasn't perfect but I provided for my Wife and gave her more than her previous husband, who abused her to the point she left him 3 times the last time for good. I look at what we have created in 10 years, the life and it's hard to imagine it without her, but when someone emotionally disconnects from you, there isn't much you can do, sadly you may be experincing what I am right now.

 

For my Wife, yes the anger and nastiness was there the day I found out she was talking to this person who I thought was real until I found out a few days later by looking at some paperwork she had written down was a Scammer. She was very nasty and mean to me, I think she felt in her twisted head that she wont' the lotto, was going to hook up with the famous actor and move in with him, have lot's of money, fame, celebrity status, nice places to visit and be, it was like I was watching a Lifetime Movie in real life, you know the one where the Woman is interested in a man who is married, and takes the photo of him and his wife and put's her face in place of the current wife? That type of movie, it was scary and her actions and beliefs were so strong this was real there was no holding back.

 

I think that once someone feels they can move on in a relationship, all hope is lost that is until they realize the fantasy was just that and/or the reality of trying to make to make it work without a sugardaddy or mommy, isn't going to happen because they have no career or money saved.

 

My Wife was confident that she was "upgrading" from me to this celebrity actor, she did things she should be ashamed of, to me, behind my back and etc, but has not once said "sorry for doing this to you" or anything of that fact. It is amazing how someone you once knew, kind and loving, who you trust and beiieve in and invested a lot of time in and $ can just do that to a person, I mean you see what Man can do to Man in wars and conflicts, but someone you know and/or knew for a long time and loved, had sex with and were in a Marriage, nope just doesn't add up for me, it's very difficult.

[Agent1]

Today I met with the divorce attorney. In my state, I can't file for divorce until being separated for 6 months but he is putting together a letter that is basically my offering to her to have an uncontested divorce. I have made an offer when it comes to our savings (that is really my VA disability money), the cars and our house. It is also telling her that the divorce will be filed once the time is up and that we have evidence of her infidelity.

 

She is going to be angry and I'm scared of her reaction but this is what she wanted. I was willing to work on my marriage and fight for it but she was having none of it and wanted this divorce.

 

I cried when I left his office. I am sad because my marriage is over and I truly loved her. This is the last thing I wanted to do but I have to protect myself. I am actually looking forward to my future and I am ready to be happy again.

 

Does anyone have any experiences from when their spouse found out about the divorce attorney and the upcoming divorce?

[Agent1]

How did she respond when she found out you went to the lawyer? My wife has been parading herself around on social media, living her best life without me on vacation, PRETENDING to be happy (people can see right through that). So, if she were to ask for alimony, she would have a hard time convincing the judge why she needs my money when she was just on vacation living it up. She also had a college education but refuses to get a real job.

 

 

 

To tell you how quick I ran to the Lawyer, it was 3 days after I found out about her online fantasy affair, my Wife pushed it on me and was very nasty, flipped a switch on me without a care. I had to pay a hefty retainer fee and went into debt, I got one statement already and it's more than 50% depleted, just hope the remainder will get me through to the end.

 

My Wife isn't paying for it, so she doesn't care. It's business as usual, online shopping and no emotional baggage, this is even after the romance scammer thing ended.

 

The reason why she deleted you from Instagram is because she doesn't want you to know her business, my Wife has Instagram, this is how this all started, she created the page and men and scammers were contacted her from her pics and interests. Instagram is like Tinder now, a dating site.

 

Sometimes I ask myself the same question, "what did I do to deserve this"? I mean I wasn't perfect but I provided for my Wife and gave her more than her previous husband, who abused her to the point she left him 3 times the last time for good. I look at what we have created in 10 years, the life and it's hard to imagine it without her, but when someone emotionally disconnects from you, there isn't much you can do, sadly you may be experincing what I am right now.

 

For my Wife, yes the anger and nastiness was there the day I found out she was talking to this person who I thought was real until I found out a few days later by looking at some paperwork she had written down was a Scammer. She was very nasty and mean to me, I think she felt in her twisted head that she wont' the lotto, was going to hook up with the famous actor and move in with him, have lot's of money, fame, celebrity status, nice places to visit and be, it was like I was watching a Lifetime Movie in real life, you know the one where the Woman is interested in a man who is married, and takes the photo of him and his wife and put's her face in place of the current wife? That type of movie, it was scary and her actions and beliefs were so strong this was real there was no holding back.

 

I think that once someone feels they can move on in a relationship, all hope is lost that is until they realize the fantasy was just that and/or the reality of trying to make to make it work without a sugardaddy or mommy, isn't going to happen because they have no career or money saved.

 

My Wife was confident that she was "upgrading" from me to this celebrity actor, she did things she should be ashamed of, to me, behind my back and etc, but has not once said "sorry for doing this to you" or anything of that fact. It is amazing how someone you once knew, kind and loving, who you trust and beiieve in and invested a lot of time in and $ can just do that to a person, I mean you see what Man can do to Man in wars and conflicts, but someone you know and/or knew for a long time and loved, had sex with and were in a Marriage, nope just doesn't add up for me, it's very difficult.

[Insoc]

How did she respond when she found out you went to the lawyer? My wife has been parading herself around on social media, living her best life without me on vacation, PRETENDING to be happy (people can see right through that). So, if she were to ask for alimony, she would have a hard time convincing the judge why she needs my money when she was just on vacation living it up. She also had a college education but refuses to get a real job.

 

At the time she didn't care, it seemed. She was under serious manipulation by this Romance Scammer, that has all changed since I went to the Lawyer, when she signed the paperwork, it was still the case. Now though, since she reallzed it was all a lie and she was being scammed, she has changed, but still seems to be interested in pursuing other men or a relationship, even if we are separated and live in the same house, we both can date and have sex and there is nothing in our state that will say it's adultry. Neither of us would go that far (sex) till divorce is final, but I'm sure it happens.

 

Social media, my Wife is still using it, smiling and posting pics, your Wife may need a reality check, my Wife has been changing since she got hers, but this depends on whether or not your Wife is independent enough to move out and live on her own, sounds like that's not the case correct?

 

Not sure what state your in, I'm in CA and the laws here are liberal, 6 months till Divorce is final, but was told it could take longer. Also community property state, 50/50 split, not just assets but debt too, anything that was obtained during marriage up until DOS (Date of separation). Anything after that, is yours, so if I won the lotto tomorrow, it would be 100% mine.

 

I was told the same thing by my Attorney, my Wife will get support, but the courts won't allow her (college educated) to just get the support and not work or attempt to look for a job, supposedly she will need to prove that she is applying for jobs weekly, quota is required, has to be verified. Also your Wife may not get enough to support her current standard of living, I know mine won't get enough to match what I give her daily, many people don't live in reality on Divorce, unless they are 100% independent or have kids. In our case, no kids.

 

Talk to your Attorney on support and what your Wife will get and the laws on having to get a job, if able to work.