I enjoyed my childhood sexual abuse ***Updated***

[Ronni_W]

I was 8 my aunt molested me until 18+....she touched me and had oral sex with me....I enjoyed it....but.....feel guilty and I like to role play with my girl friend as a younger girl....is this normal?

The two are not necessarily related. Adults who enjoy consensual sexualized role play do not necessarily have to have been abused as children.

Google 'adult role play', 'sexual role play', etc. It's a lot more common than a lot of people think. (By which I do, of course, mean consensual.)

 

As far as enjoying sexual-physical stimulation as a child, this is not unusual - which is why, without being forced or coerced, many children will explore their own and/or their friends' bodies.

So, there's no need to feel guilty for having enjoyed it...even despite the fact that your aunt was clearly taking advantage of you, and was acting outside the law.

 

If you don't want to see a therapist, then do your own self-help. Find books on overcoming and healing shame and guilt, and overcoming childhood sexual abuse.

 

Wishing you the best of luck.

Edited October 15, 2018 by Ronni_W
Added text for clarification.

[Uncomon]

Anyone still here

[The Dude Abides]

Uncomon

 

I just read your initial post in this thread. That is a horrible experience to have been through. Seriously, have you considered taking this to the police? If your aunt would do this to you for ten years, that indicates a person who is depraved and likely will do it again. And again. And maybe she is doing it now. Your decision to go to the police might well save a current or future victim. Your aunt needs to be in prison.

 

I cannot imagine any scenario whereby a close family member can commit incestuous acts of pedophilia for ten years and have it leave the victim with zero emotional/psychological trauma. So, I think it is certain that this has wreaked profound damage to your mental health and you don't know the full extant of it yet.

 

Please consider seeing a psychologist asap and at least get a professional opinion about your mental health.

[Rayce]

I was molested by multiple people when I was child... one of them being my aunt (my mothers sister who was mental challenged). My earliest memories start about the age of 4. It's a life long battle to recovery. I've several books that have helped me over the years to deal with the trauma. I offered up a list of self-help books that my therapist gave me years ago that I am willing to share if you are interested. IM if you would like a copy of that list.

[preraph]

One of the facets of molestation is that there is usually guilt because the person enjoyed at least some aspect of it. I mean, here you are getting special attention and pleasure. Trouble is once you're older, it messes with your head because it's against the laws of nature.

 

If you are limiting yourself to women above the legal age, that's great, but if you have urges, as molestation victims often to to involve with children in the same age range you were experiencing the molestation, that is not okay and you'll end up in jail. Either way, though, you would benefit from seeing a psychologist and let them help you understand the feelings you had and try to understand how a parent could do that, and then also help you understand "the cycle of abuse." I don't want you getting married and then doing this to your own kids one day and I think you'd admit that is a possibility if you're honest. So you need to get into therapy very soon.

[Uncomon]

I’m still here.......

[whichwayisup]

I do think some counseling can help you. It certainly won't do harm.

 

Your aunt was in the wrong and she abused you, incest and the fact you were so young and it continued well into your teens and early 20's. Do you see your aunt now and if so, do you feel weird around her? Shame on her for doing this to you. It was wrong.

 

Not sure what it is you do with your gf in the sense of role play, meaning she acts young and you're the older one in pursuit? As long as she understands and is okay with role play and it's not hurting either of you, then enjoy it... Though I do again think you need to talk to a therapist about your past.

[Ronni_W]

I’m still here.......

Can you update us on what you've done to process all of this since you first posted, and how it's going?

[Uncomon]

Meeting with a private counselor....it’s been hard and I still am attracted...I see my aunt sometimes....I’m ok....but not much changed....

[Ronni_W]

The point is that you cannot just pop in here every month and say, "I'm still here",

or something equally banal and uninformative, and hope that your (lack of) effort will be enough to get you more guidance, insight or support.

 

and I still am attracted...I see my aunt sometimes....

It's good that you're getting individual counseling, but, again, the rest of your 'update' doesn't give us anything to go on, to be able to offer suggestions for how to move things along.

(You're "still attracted" to what or to whom? How do you feel when you see your aunt? Do you even want to see her? Etc., etc.)

 

You need to help us if we are to be able to help you.

[preraph]

Meeting with a private counselor....it’s been hard and I still am attracted...I see my aunt sometimes....I’m ok....but not much changed....

 

It takes a very long time in counseling to change when it's something this difficult. Stick with the counseling. Glad you're going.

[Uncomon]

Thank you. I guess if anyone else has had a similar thing happen or if you’ve been the the instigator man or women... I’d like to hear how your doing...maybe some conversation

[John101]

I have a different take on this. Starting at around 11, am older male cousin (I too am male) began "abusing" me. What starting as touching, over time it evolved into more, lasting until I was 16 -- note the "grooming" that occurs with all abuse cases. All the time, I enjoyed it and I "ended" it because I became frustrated by his increasing lack of reciprocity.

 

Since he was only 3 years older than me, he legally was not an abuser, but he was an emotional abuser, not only because of his controlling the situation to make it a fully one-sided affair, at the same time he was publicly teasing me for being gay.

 

I think some of the issues I had in coming out are due to him and he may be responsible for some of my borderline traits.

 

Without trying to minimize the pain of abuse many suffer, for some the issues are due to the abuse ending.

[Uncomon]

Thank you for sharing

[Uncomon]

Anyone else?

[Veronica73]

I, fairly recently, started seeing a therapist to deal with my own issues regarding being molested as a child, by someone I trusted. But I didn’t enjoy it. So...maybe a lot different than what you’re going through. I’m sorry that happened to you. It’s not right.

[Uncomon]

I find myself in a isolated situation I guess....

[Uncomon]

Veronica can you talk more about it....is there a way to pm

[Uncomon]

Anyone else to share

[Uncomon]

Any others to share with me with same experience or like