New Relationship with a Man and his ex-FWB is still present

[madeahugemistake]

Hi, so long story as short and precise as possible I began talking to a guy (I am gay) about 2 months ago. At this time he had a FWB and as an adult I told myself that it was, what it was. During the time we were hanging out as just friends (nothing physical happened) he told me he wanted to end things with the FWB to pursue going on dates and to see where it went with us. So he did. However this is where things start to get a little indifferent to me. Hes been super transparent this entire time and one night he told me he was going to hang out with a "buddy", since we weren't in a defined relationship I chalked it up as ok, whatever. Well, 3 days later he tells me that buddy was the old FWB and that he wanted to talk to him to end things. I said ok and just let it go because it was over...wrong...

 

A few weeks later he had a friend in town and said he was going out with thus said friend and sad his name....welp, guess what...3 days later he tells me the ex-FWB guy met them out.

 

Today he said he didn't want me to get mad about hanging out with the old FWB as he just wanted to be friends with him. As a grown man, I get it. I have a few people that I used to fool around with that are strictly platonic now but I rarely see them, basically never.

 

Should I have concern that this truly hasn't ended? I'm actually curious if the old FWB even knows we are together. I plan on asking that exact question tonight but want other input. Am I being too much to ask for transparency or even asking why this person still has such a presence?

 

I was in a really crappy relationship back in 2015 and it was riddled with anxiety and trust issues. I dont want that again.

 

All suggestions welcome.

[Mr. Lucky]

To me, the standard is pretty simple - if you respect and care about your partner, you don't put them in situations that cause them anxiety or concern.

 

No meet-ups with old BF's when out of town, no secret social media communication with old lovers - and no hanging out with recent FWB's.

 

It's more about consideration than it is about trust or transparency. Your new relationship is getting an early test...

 

Mr. Lucky

[BaileyB]

. As a grown man, I get it. I have a few people that I used to fool around with that are strictly platonic now but I rarely see them, basically never.

 

I was in a really crappy relationship back in 2015 and it was riddled with anxiety and trust issues. I dont want that again.

 

If this is true, then your answer is No - this person can not continue to be “friends” with his FWB if you want to have a healthy and happy relationship.

 

You are not wrong to be concerned. Although some people may be able to do it, I would not be comfortable with it either.

 

It’s exactly as Mr Lucky said - if this other person is serious about you and your relationship, they will show the consideration and respect that is owing to their partner by not secretly seeing someone with whom they have previously shared an intimate relationship.

[BettyDraper]

I don't blame you for being uncomfortable.

 

Are you planning on marrying this man? I'm asking because of the section this thread is in.