Imagine

[M1128Y]

Here's something else I wrote that I'd like to send to my ex (NC for 7 weeks). It's me trying to get her to see things from my perspective. Alas, she wouldn't care and would be annoyed at me for contacting her. She's busy moving on with another man.

 

"Imagine being with a man who you consider a friend and who you love. Imagine this man telling you that he loves you as well as giving you that impression. I want you to further imagine spending three and a half years with this man, living with him for three of those years: sleeping beside and with him--laughing, drinking, eating, and creating memories and sharing secrets with him; during those years, this man comforted, financially invested, and even talked about having kids with you.

 

Now, I want you to imagine this man having conversations with his relatives, friends, and perhaps even coworkers about how he no longer wants to be with you. Maybe it did not start off that way, but instead of coming to you, he mostly goes to other people to complain. Instead of honestly communicating with you, he chooses to share his thoughts with other people or keeps his feelings bottled up. As a result, and over time, this man slowly begins to disconnect from you without a word, for weeks? Months? Years? You do not know. Meanwhile, he has set his eyes on an attractive woman that he has been working with for the past two-to-three months. A woman that he would sometimes tell you about and at one point told you not to worry about. Now I want you to imagine this man going to lunch with this woman behind your back, followed by flirting with her at work and through text messages for weeks (e.g. “I’d love to bend you over.”) while he continues to live with you, acting as though everything were normal. Does the woman know about you? You do not know, and you will never know. Another secret. If you can, I also want you to imagine catching this man, your man, flirting with this woman and him responding to your questioning with, “it’s only flirting.” Since you are in love with him, you try to look past it. You ask him if there is something that can be done to save the relationship. He repeatedly tells you yes during a day-long and seemingly heart-to-heart conversation, and he tells you that he still has feelings for you. He also tells you that he will stop flirting with the woman. You feel relieved and start thinking of ways you can strengthen the bond that you believe in still there, some of which you share with him. Now, I want you to imagine your man, behind your back, kissing this woman if not the very next day, then a couple of days later. You do not know that though and you two have a fight over whether or not he is still flirting with the woman from work, with him playing the victim, acting as though your anger and distrust is the reason why you two need to separate. After he moves out, you are not sure if things are really over. How could they be? You say to yourself perhaps he just needs to think on his own for a bit. He keeps telling you that he needs time, so you try not to text him. The first day he moved out, he went as far as taking a picture of himself in his hotel room to reassure you that he was not at the woman’s house. Days pass and you feel sick from jealously and not knowing, clinging to the words, “It was only flirting.” But, unfortunately, he has already had sex with her. He will reluctantly admit to that over the phone and tell you that he is sorry things ended in that way. He will also admit to the sex being “emotionally charged.” You do not yet know. You will not know for another two weeks. And when he comes to collect the rest of his stuff a week later, he still will not tell you. In fact, he will answer your question by repeating, “It was only flirting,” reinforcing your false belief that you pushed him away with unjustified anger.

 

Finally, I want you to imagine this man who was once your friend and lover for three and one-half years: having sex with, joking, and going out with the very same woman that you were told not to worry about while you deal with insomnia, a perpetual knot in your stomach, suicidal thoughts, as well as a breakup."