Why is my female friend distancing her self from me?

[Browell25]

Back in June I moved in to a house with my best friend and this girl he worked with, with in no time me and her bonded and became really close due to common interests and past experiences we both lived through. She used to wait up for me when I would finish work the early hours and just want to spend time with me ask bout my day she made me a better person. Since I’ve known I’ve become more confident I’ve lost loads of weight and got healthier.

 

Over the months my dad and my brother and Work friends that saw me and her when I came in to work for food, would tell me that she definitely likes me and that’s is as clear as the clouds in the sky.

 

Some would assume she was my girlfriend I would always correct them cause I don’t like to lie and also don’t want to upset her

 

On the week commencing the 17th of September it was pointed out to me by my best friend that he felt like she was distancing her from me by going quiet when i come in the lounge area or she will disappear to her room. I just wrote it off as a coincidence. On Wednesday the 19th me and her went to a gig but my best mate said she pestered him all day if he wanted to go and that he should go but he said why he thought was weird cos she never makes the effort to invite him if it’s me and her.

 

At the gig she was the same as always then in the way I told bout another female friend that had popped round during the day cause she was having bf trouble and she got really angry bout it but wouldn’t say outright she was.

 

Over the coming days she stopped messaging me all together and the distancing got worse she cancelled on plans we had in thank people for furniture for the flat. I started to go quiet and withdraw into myself trying to figure what I had done wrong. My best mate said he things she maybe thought I got the wrong idea about how she is with me but I haven’t at all I’m quite aware of that.

 

Then my birthday the 25th I didn’t think anything of but my best mate did whenever she wrote birthday cards she would write dear name happy birthday love her name 3 kisses and then a paragraph on how much that person means to her.

 

 

So I started to ruminate on it, then on the evening on the 27th I’m sat watching telly and she kept asking me silly questions bout what I was watching which honestly only deserved one word answers. After several she disappears to her room and starts texting me demanding I tell her what’s wrong why I am quiet yet when I did try talking to her when she was quiet she would say she wasn’t

 

I stormed out the house which led to her ultimately coming after me and I told her how this distancing is driving me insane and I asked her if I upset her to tell me I didn’t mean to. She said I haven’t done anything if I had she would tell me and that she hasn’t been off with me.

 

Since then it has gotten worse and worse to the point I feel she is actively pushing me out, she talks in the flat group bout things she used to only talk to me about which is kind of strange like as if she wants me to message her first

 

Supposed to be hosting a Halloween party soon she keeps talking to my best mate bout it and he says well we need to talk to me bout it as he lives there too but she never does.

 

My family and Work friends think it’s possible she has feelings for me and got scared hence the distancing as she doesn’t want to lose things

 

 

But I just feel so broken all the time, I am quiet around her cause I don’t know what to do, if I make the effort she barely makes it back. I slowly falling back in to depression again which I don’t want.

 

 

Any advice will be appreciated

 

Thanks

[Beachead]

Back in June I moved in to a house with my best friend and this girl he worked with, with in no time me and her bonded and became really close due to common interests and past experiences we both lived through. She used to wait up for me when I would finish work the early hours and just want to spend time with me ask bout my day she made me a better person. Since I’ve known I’ve become more confident I’ve lost loads of weight and got healthier.

 

Over the months my dad and my brother and Work friends that saw me and her when I came in to work for food, would tell me that she definitely likes me and that’s is as clear as the clouds in the sky.

 

Some would assume she was my girlfriend I would always correct them cause I don’t like to lie and also don’t want to upset her

 

On the week commencing the 17th of September it was pointed out to me by my best friend that he felt like she was distancing her from me by going quiet when i come in the lounge area or she will disappear to her room. I just wrote it off as a coincidence. On Wednesday the 19th me and her went to a gig but my best mate said she pestered him all day if he wanted to go and that he should go but he said why he thought was weird cos she never makes the effort to invite him if it’s me and her.

 

At the gig she was the same as always then in the way I told bout another female friend that had popped round during the day cause she was having bf trouble and she got really angry bout it but wouldn’t say outright she was.

 

Over the coming days she stopped messaging me all together and the distancing got worse she cancelled on plans we had in thank people for furniture for the flat. I started to go quiet and withdraw into myself trying to figure what I had done wrong. My best mate said he things she maybe thought I got the wrong idea about how she is with me but I haven’t at all I’m quite aware of that.

 

Then my birthday the 25th I didn’t think anything of but my best mate did whenever she wrote birthday cards she would write dear name happy birthday love her name 3 kisses and then a paragraph on how much that person means to her.

 

 

So I started to ruminate on it, then on the evening on the 27th I’m sat watching telly and she kept asking me silly questions bout what I was watching which honestly only deserved one word answers. After several she disappears to her room and starts texting me demanding I tell her what’s wrong why I am quiet yet when I did try talking to her when she was quiet she would say she wasn’t

 

I stormed out the house which led to her ultimately coming after me and I told her how this distancing is driving me insane and I asked her if I upset her to tell me I didn’t mean to. She said I haven’t done anything if I had she would tell me and that she hasn’t been off with me.

 

Since then it has gotten worse and worse to the point I feel she is actively pushing me out, she talks in the flat group bout things she used to only talk to me about which is kind of strange like as if she wants me to message her first

 

Supposed to be hosting a Halloween party soon she keeps talking to my best mate bout it and he says well we need to talk to me bout it as he lives there too but she never does.

 

My family and Work friends think it’s possible she has feelings for me and got scared hence the distancing as she doesn’t want to lose things

 

But I just feel so broken all the time, I am quiet around her cause I don’t know what to do, if I make the effort she barely makes it back. I slowly falling back in to depression again which I don’t want.

 

 

Any advice will be appreciated

 

Thanks

 

If you feel a distancing, it's likely not in your head. From my experiences, something definitely happened on her end for her to change with you. These things are rarely coincidences. But, you already asked her up front what was going on and she said nothing so the conversation is now closed. If you bring it up again, you'll come across as needy, weak, pushy etc. Proceeding on the assumption feelings were involved on her end and she really wanted to be with you, she should have told you during that last conversation..and if that's the case, it's on her. Not you.

 

I would take her answer at face value proceed forward from there with what you know for sure. You did what you were supposed to do. Nobody wants to make assumptions and set themselves up for embarrassment..especially with a roommate they have to then continue living with.

 

The problem here is you live with her so now you have to be exposed to this drama day-in-day out. Don't waste time trying to figure her out. You'll damage yourself further. If you are starting to feel depressed, I would find a new flat and move out so that you can get space and distance to clear your head.

 

Goodluck

 

- Beach

Edited October 10, 2018 by Beachead

[preraph]

I think she felt you were feeling romantic toward her and she didn't reciprocate and so she started backing off and trying not to have people thinking you two were a couple. I'm sure when she says she doesn't have an issue it's because she likes you as a friend and isn't mad at you as a friend or anything. I think she just realized you getting more balls than her and so she just backed off.

[Browell25]

I think she felt you were feeling romantic toward her and she didn't reciprocate and so she started backing off and trying not to have people thinking you two were a couple. I'm sure when she says she doesn't have an issue it's because she likes you as a friend and isn't mad at you as a friend or anything. I think she just realized you getting more balls than her and so she just backed off.

 

True but I’ve gone over everything and I never treated her as if I was romantically interested and the distancing continues today and I just don’t know how to be around her anymore, conversation is forced when I try and it’s one sided.

 

She talks to my best mate about me and constantly asking him stuff regarding me but doesn’t make any effort to talk to me unless she wants something from me

[Beachead]

True but I’ve gone over everything and I never treated her as if I was romantically interested and the distancing continues today and I just don’t know how to be around her anymore, conversation is forced when I try and it’s one sided.

 

She talks to my best mate about me and constantly asking him stuff regarding me but doesn’t make any effort to talk to me unless she wants something from me

 

The thing is as I've gotten older, I've become more and more intolerant to people who behave this way. I find them bad for my well-being and sulking over them a waste of my limited time.

 

If she's got something to say to you, then she should say it and not ask about you through other people. There's a reason for her change in behaviour although I don't know exactly what it is. I am suspicious that it does have something to do with feelings..could be what Preraph said or could be what I said. In any case, these are only assumptions at best and it's a waste of time pulling hair out trying to figure it out.

 

Times like this, concentrate on what you have control over. You don't have control over her behaviour but you do have control over yourself. So, I'd quit trying for answers as of tonight. If she wants to talk, she will but she chooses not to. If this changes, then take it from there but for now, assume this girl has gone cold on you and carry on with your life. Your objective right now is to prioritize your well-being which at the moment has taking a huge hit being around this person who is avoiding you and making you feel unloved. Whatever her reasons are for doing so is her problem now but if she doesn't have the respect to communicate when you've shown concern for her and the friendship, then it's not worth thinking about. It's already affected your mood as you have discovered and you may also find this continues, that negativity will start to bleed into other aspects of your life.

 

Take this seriously and put distance between you and her. Your well-being comes first.

 

- Beach

Edited October 11, 2018 by Beachead

[M.kidirov1987]

Very amusing piece