RobynS Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 Hi everyone...please can someone help me! My boyfriend and I are fighting ALL the time. One average, Id say probably twice a week. There is a lot of outside stress in our realtionship. He owns many businesses so is often under pressure from this and is in the middle of a big custody/ child support battle with his ex. To add to this, I actually work for one of his businesses. So if something goes wrong where I work he often takes it out on me and says that I need to seperate work and our relationship, which I know is true, but I also feel that if we are disucussing things at home between the two of us he should still speak to me respectfully and kindly. To give another example, on Saturday he lashed out at me because I did not want to go with him to visit his child at his ex's house. I have only met her twice and she constantly brigs me down and says I am rude and a home wrecker (not true) so I think its understandable that I dont want to be in her home with her. I always join him when he picks his baby up and takes her out for the day so its not that Im trying to avoid time with his child. I understand the custody battle is tough for him so try be more than accomodating with his needs in this regard and NEVER complain if he has to cancel plans last minute or spend time alone with his ex, I know that this is part of the situation im in and I need to accept it. We are now not talking because he lashes out at me last night and I told him (again) that I didnt like the way he sometimes speaks to me. He refuses to see why i dont appreciate it. I love him very much but at the same time cant forsee my life with someone who thinks its okay to get angry and be rude and excuse it because of the stress he feels. How do I get him to see that hes hurting me, or am I over reating and being selfish because I know it is true that he does have stress. Maybe I just need to understand that and try to support him? Please help. Link to post Share on other sites
zouz71 Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 first can you please define more precisely what did you mean by lashing at you ? was any physical assault involved? If you mean shouted at you , still not acceptable but it reflects either his nervous tarits or his current situation. I want to remind you that one of the biggest issues in Divorce is when kids are involved in a divorce ; because your BF I assume he is not comfortable ,he might be even hating to go there , but he is doing it because his son needs to see him . Taking you with him is a sign that he wants to show to others that your relationship is a serious one(or he wants only to show off) , by you refusing to go , it means to him getting decieved. You need to look at the issue in a more mature way , suppose one day he fires you ,possibly request from you to step down and stay home let's say , how will you deal with it ? Link to post Share on other sites
zouz71 Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 If you want to support him really , as well as discover if he is bad person or passing in a bad situation ; you need to share eveerything personel like his child and unshare your work issues at home . Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 You absolutely do not need to be going with him to pick up his kid. How incredibly antagonistic on his part to even try this. I assume they’re not divorced yet? It sounds like you’re in for a lot of stress and heartbreak from a guy with too much baggage and emotional instability. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 To add to this, I actually work for one of his businesses. So if something goes wrong where I work he often takes it out on me and says that I need to seperate work and our relationship, which I know is true, but I also feel that if we are disucussing things at home between the two of us he should still speak to me respectfully and kindly. I'll only share this - my wife has helped me with the launch of several businesses, filling roles ranging from clerical to training to marketing. In each instance, she's made a contribution. In doing so, we made home a "work free" zone. No discussion, rehashing or venting allowed, when you're together 8-12 hours on the job there's plenty of time for conversation there. You might see if that helps defuse some of the tension for you... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 (edited) I have only met her twice and she constantly brigs me down and says I am rude and a home wrecker (not true) so I think its understandable that I dont want to be in her home with her. How do I get him to see that hes hurting me. You leave. You refuse to be his punching bag and you leave. He clearly has some things to sort out in his life. You absolutely should not be going to pick up his child and seeing his ex - that is very antagonistic and totally unreasonable for him to ask. This kind of behavior from his ex is is absolutely unacceptable and he should not allow it to happen. Edited October 10, 2018 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 I think it's fine to go with him anytime he sees his wife, honestly. But you should either hang back and not talk to her or be very polite and nothing personal. It's not okay that he's railing at you, but then child custody is one of the most stressful things a person can go through. So I think you let him know that you know he's under stress now but once this custody stuff is settled, if he's still treating you that way, you're leaving. Because then he won't have that excuse anymore. If those two are contentious, it's always going to keep him upset, though. If he doesn't stop treating you bad, you should leave. She did. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 In new relationships, people often get caught up in their rose coloured glasses when everyone is on their best behaviour. But you're lucky that you're already seeing how he manages when under stress. Basically, the guy is a tool. He's argumentative, aggressive and can't separate work from home. Is this what you want in a partner? You have the facts. Now decide what to do with them. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 (edited) In new relationships, people often get caught up in their rose coloured glasses when everyone is on their best behaviour. But you're lucky that you're already seeing how he manages when under stress. Basically, the guy is a tool. He's argumentative, aggressive and can't separate work from home. Is this what you want in a partner? You have the facts. Now decide what to do with them. basil, you have a way of putting thing so plainly and you always hit the mark! This is exactly it. I would also add, poor judgment as it relates to introducing you to his daughter and his ex, poor boundaries with his ex, and not supportive of you by enforcing better boundaries when his ex treats you badly... All of which are not good signs that a happy and healthy relationship with this man is in the future... Edited October 10, 2018 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts