jerrygordon3 Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 So long story short I’ve been in an unhealthy relationship often on with this girl and I’m trying to end this relationship I have been for quite some time but I think that she has a way of kind of manipulating me back into the situation because I feel bad for her . so from my perspective I am 32 and I moved out of my house when I was 17 and I’ve been on my own since then and am doing quite fine like 99% of the adults however she seems to always be in some kind of financial trouble emotional trouble there’s just always something I need to do to take care of her . She’s currently living out of motels she can’t afford a place to live her credit is too bad her to get approved anywhere she has a daughter that she has part time so she can’t just rent a room anywhere her car is broken down and she’s having to move all of her things out of her friends garage into storage . Two months ago before any of this was happening she was living for free at her grandmas house for a year after having her car repossessed and having to move out of her old apartment because she couldn’t make the payments anymore . She has a history of being a bartender and can make very good money doing that however she just hasn’t been working very hard until possibly recently. Regardless it doesn’t matter if were broken up or not I still find myself lending her my car and trying to help her out even though I don’t want to because I feel bad . My friends and family tell me I should just let her go and let her fail at life because it’s not my problem and I’m just looking for some advice . Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 If she manipulates you, it's because you allow it. You can't save her. You have tried, and you have failed. It's not your fault, it's just - you have no control here. You need to remember the three C's - you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you won't cure it. As hard as it is to see her suffer, there is nothing you can do to help. This woman will bleed you dry, if you let her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 You're an enabler. People like her will never learn the meaning of responsibility because people like you will always be there to enable them. She can't learn if there is no lesson. She's clearly capable of working and making money. She has a daughter and sees that as zero motivation to better herself. So why are you there trying to help her when she does not want to help herself? Your friends and family are right. Also, i remember your past threads, you seem to have a pattern of unhealthy relationships. Maybe it is time to focus internally on yourself and why you are attracted to dysfunctional situations versus trying to "help" others maneuver their messy lives. Link to post Share on other sites
Rockdad Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 I don't intend to be cold and uncaring, she is an adult it was her life choices and her mess. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 (edited) you dont say how old this mother is ...you shouldn't be in a relationship that you dont want to be in.....that's pure fact ...so end it.no more off and on.....or sex..... ..i am assuming the father of the daughter has skipped out on his responsibility and she is shouldering the roles of mother and father in as far as financial support.... we have an inherent characteristic built into our hearts to help others.....who really need help...its natural and its part of a good persons wiring...some people have this characteristic a little more than others and act on it....when these sort of people dont act on it they feel bad...like you do... if you really want to help her .....reach out for community support its what i do for homeless people who need help i put them in touch with community support groups.....i let them use my phone or internet ...my go to ...is food...i feed them...and my church...smilin...gives me bread ...so they support me and i am able to support others.offer sandwiches even......my church even feed my next door neighbours...there are churches that will support her because it is christian to help and support others....it is what we are told is divine to do....its right to do ...to not let others fall through the cracks aND FAIL in life........ if homeless people really need a place to stay i offer a pillow and a couch in my house..i dont however feel it right to be in a relationship with homeless men i have helped......i have my limits...when those limits are maxed out i try harder to help them move on before i go nuts...i have struggles of my own to deal with.....and i have to sometimes step back because i can be an enabler.... there are community support groups for homeless women with children.....there are refuges and hostels and financial guidance to help struggling women get on their feet...in most communities they have these groups....if you want to help her .....end the relationship and help her get in touch with groups that can help her the best to move forward in her life and her daughters...community groups have a lot more financial support to offer and contacts even transportation to get to places they need to to go to to get support.....more than you ever will have to help her better her life....so just reach out......and get that support ........i wish you well...deb Edited October 10, 2018 by todreaminblue Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 It's hard to have sympathy for people who allow themselves to be used Cut her off completely, this is her mess. She needs to neaten her life up, not you On another note, and a very important one at that...if you feel her daughter is at all being neglected or abused you need to call Child Protective Services immediately. You can make the call anomalously if you so chose. Link to post Share on other sites
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