Threat of a breakup over something that happened 3 years ago

[dogmomma22]

Thanks for the update. Well, it sounds like he’s thinking things over and is deeply impacted by what has happened. I know you think it would be silly to end things over something that happened so long ago but, from his perspective, he’s been lied to for 3 years.

 

I hope things work out. Keep giving him his space. I’m sure he’ll be in touch.

 

I know I messed up big time by waiting so long to tell him and I just really really hope he truly wants to try to forgive me and move past this. Since we haven't been talking I think I've kind of been in denial about everything - thinking things are fine and will work themselves out but I got 0 sleep last night and since then I feel like I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown. I don't know how I will manage if I lose him.

 

I just wanted to quote some of the texts he sent me right before we took the break as we were arguing about everything. He said like "I want to get past this cause I love you but in my head I really don’t know how we are going to. What you did it so unbelievably unfair to me and just try to think if I did something like this to you" which didn't seem promising. But he also said "I am trying to move past this, because I love you. But I'm having a tough time" and he ended by saying: "I guess I wanna end by saying I’m sorry for what happened to you and I truthfully do hope we can move past it but I am going to need some time." From my perspective, he said all these things the night after I told him what happened. Do you think this weeks break will have allowed him to calm down a little? I don't expect him to fully forgive me after the break or be anywhere near that point I just want him to want to try to work on us.

 

One other question I do have is when (if) I should reach out to him. I know today is going to be a real struggle for me just based on how I've been feeling this morning but I am going to restrain myself from reaching out. It's hard because we didn't give any time estimate on the break, so I have no idea what to expect. And I've just kind of been driving myself crazy with the idea that at any moment I could hear from him that it's over - or that he wants to try. We last spoke on tuesday night. If I don't hear from him by wednseday, is it reasonable for me to reach out and tell him to continue to take as much time as he needs but to give me a general estimate on how long that is?

[bathtub-row]

It’s a tough call but I would leave him alone. When guys are trying to solve a problem, they tend to go to their caves. To me, what he said is somewhat promising because he obviously loves you very much. Those words were said when he first learned of what happened so he could very well soften over time.

 

What may seem like a really long time to you probably is flying by for him because he’s lost in the world of introspection. If you contact him and tell him to take his time, you could disrupt that process. At least give it until the weekend and see what happens. He sounds like a good guy and he’s not going to keep you hanging on in limbo forever.

[dogmomma22]

So I'm hoping this will be my last update, but my bf reached out to me tonight and said basically that he doesn't know if he's gotten over it yet but he's had such a horrible week and really misses me. We are texting now and I am hopeful I can see him this weekend. It's definitely awkward conversations because neither of us know really what to say but I guess I've just been asking how his classes are going and seeing what he has been up to the past couple weeks. Obviously I told him that I don't expect him to get over everything within one week and that it's gonna take time and effort from both of us but I am just so glad to hear from him and have lost most of the fear that things are over.

 

I just also want to thank everyone (mostly lol) who posted replies to my post. I can't put into words how much this helped me kind of walk through everything that was going on and the advice and different perspectives were great. Thank you also to bathtub-row I really looked forward to hearing your thoughts and appreciated all the time you set aside in writing them. I wish everyone the best

[bathtub-row]

Thank you! That’s a very sweet thing to say! But most importantly—I’m so happy you’ve heard from him!!! Yay! So very happy! I wish you both all the best!

[Barb1a]

I get it that he's hurt but you were the one that was being forced into a sexual situation only to realize that your no really meant no . The first time you say no a guy is supposed to back off. But your boyfriend seems more concerned about himself than about you and the compromised situation you were in. Maybe you didn't tell him because you knew he would react this way. But your conscious bothered you enough that you couldn't rest until you got it out. But I think there is a problem here much deeper than just this situation.

 

 

When we do not work on our own inner wholeness we tend to connect ourselves to partners that have the same brokenness that we reflect. Everyone deserves someone who is understanding and is concerned about their well being. I suggest that you look for material that can help restore your own inner well being, do some inner healing work and then allow relationship to flow. Either way an emotionally healed person is attracted to and attracts emotionally healed people to themselves.

 

 

Here's a link to a free download that may help:

 

 

https://innerhealing-live.lpages.co/biggest-hindrances-to-womens-emotional-health/

[bathtub-row]

I get it that he's hurt but you were the one that was being forced into a sexual situation only to realize that your no really meant no . The first time you say no a guy is supposed to back off. But your boyfriend seems more concerned about himself than about you and the compromised situation you were in. Maybe you didn't tell him because you knew he would react this way. But your conscious bothered you enough that you couldn't rest until you got it out. But I think there is a problem here much deeper than just this situation.

 

 

When we do not work on our own inner wholeness we tend to connect ourselves to partners that have the same brokenness that we reflect. Everyone deserves someone who is understanding and is concerned about their well being. I suggest that you look for material that can help restore your own inner well being, do some inner healing work and then allow relationship to flow. Either way an emotionally healed person is attracted to and attracts emotionally healed people to themselves.

 

 

Here's a link to a free download that may help:

 

 

https://innerhealing-live.lpages.co/biggest-hindrances-to-womens-emotional-health/

 

He did tell her he was sorry for what she had gone through. But it happened 3 years ago so it wasn’t like she needed immediate comfort. What he was hurt about was that she kept it from him for so long. I don’t think he did anything wrong. He was respectful of her but needed time to himself to think things over. His reaction was perfectly understandable.

[just1looking2]

I guess I have to respectfully disagree with you that fighting for a relationship isn't worth it. No relationship is perfect, but why be with someone if you're not willing to fight for them. I don't think I've ever talked to anyone in a relationship who hasn't had issues they've had to work through. And although mine has been more difficult than others, somehow we have persisted through so many obstacles and I love him and see us together in my future so I feel like it has been worth it.

 

When we broke up last time I was successful at NC for 8 weeks until he reached out to me and we reconciled. It has been almost a full day without talking which is very uncommon for us but I understand that he needs time to process everything. I wouldn't say I'm doing "well" stress wise but I can manage for a few days if it means it will help our relationship in the end.

 

 

I love this response. As i found my way to this site looking for support and commaradere i see a definite theme of people feeling aggrieved and stinged.

 

My GF and I of 5 years +/- are going through a break and its difficult, but I love her and am trying my best to give her what she needs at the moment.

 

and yes I do hope we reconcile, and yes I do think something like counseling will give us some communication tools. People hurt each other, often unintentionally because they dont communicate well.

 

I am searching all over this site for the success stories, I would love to hear from you, but maybe the success story people move on from the site?