S2B Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 Why isn't she sleeping somewhere else? She's playing games with you - yet you keep participating like everything is normal. Why not treat her as though she's unimportant? When you divorce her she will become insignificant - so begin NOW by acting like she's invisible - completely invisible. Don't interact and don't respond to her at all. It will also make your transition easier once shes eliminated from the marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author UnwantedProvider Posted October 23, 2018 Author Share Posted October 23, 2018 So at this time, my wife and I were suppose to be having a Separation period but she just informed me yesterday that she is filing the paperwork for Divorce this week. She’s already made arrangements for her and the kids to stay with a friend until she can get settled with more permanent living arrangements. Everyone that has commented on hear has been on point with their comments. I have been attempting to get my affairs in order so that I would be ready if it truly came to this. To be honest, I don’t think any amount of preparation would have been enough, both legally and especially emotionally. It’s been 29 days since she told me her intentions, and she’s said that she’s thought about this for quite some time, months to years she said. And she wants me to come to terms with this part of my life dying in under 30 days? Not saying that it’s impossible, but just not likely. As recommended, I have kept my contact to a minimum, and by that only when she’s contacting me about the kids. Other than that, I am not reaching out to her. All the communication has been her contacting me. It will remain that way for the remainder of our relationship. At this time, I truly no longer care for any rhyme or reason that she has chosen to come up with as to why this happened. All I want is the ability to live my life how I see fit in a tension free home. The way it has been at my home for the past 20+ days has been absolutely unbearable. I want my kids to know that I will always be there for them, and they can turn to me at any time. I know that within my posts, I stated what I had done, and they were all the wrong things to do. I should have listened to those that were generous enough to lend me their observations and advice. I was too stubborn and hurt to listen. Taken over by my emotions, and unable to respond accurately. Once again, I want to thank those who took the time to read my posts and especially those who provided their advice. I am truly grateful that their are people out there willing to lend a hand to people like myself going through what feels like the most horrific time of their life. Thank you, UwP Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted October 23, 2018 Share Posted October 23, 2018 I'm sorry it hurts now. She's having an affair - or is about to - that's why she needs to move. Cancel the marriage counseling appointment. It's a waste of time and money when she intends to divorce. Try to do something happy for yourself every day. It may help. Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted October 23, 2018 Share Posted October 23, 2018 Life is way too short to spend it with someone that doesn't love you or want you. It is hard to see now, but better days are ahead for you. Take one day at a time. Be good to yourself. Life won't be for a bit. Best wishes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 23, 2018 Share Posted October 23, 2018 I know that within my posts, I stated what I had done, and they were all the wrong things to do. I should have listened to those that were generous enough to lend me their observations and advice. I was too stubborn and hurt to listen. Taken over by my emotions, and unable to respond accurately. Once again, I want to thank those who took the time to read my posts and especially those who provided their advice. I am truly grateful that their are people out there willing to lend a hand to people like myself going through what feels like the most horrific time of their life. Thank you, UwP It's a journey my friend, none of us went from A to Z overnight. I'm sure your wife is correct, she has been thinking about and planning this for months, a tough handicap for you (or anyone) to overcome. It's not unusual for the "left behind" spouse to misinterpret the signs, hope and denial are powerful forces. The good new is, after waiting on her to this point, ball is now in your court. Move slowly, think about what you want and how you'll get there. Keep posting, lots of support available... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
GinON Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 Sorry it went this way for you but I appreciate you sharing how you are doing. At the very least, you can start the grieving process. This is probably equal or worse than losing a parent, just know that its OK to feel all the pain and let the feelings be what they are, no need locking this pain up to feel it again later because you blocked it. Get counseling for yourself and if you are fit enough for it, join a sport that is rather aggressive. I find it rather cathartic. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 So at this time, my wife and I were suppose to be having a Separation period but she just informed me yesterday that she is filing the paperwork for Divorce this week. She’s already made arrangements for her and the kids to stay with a friend until she can get settled with more permanent living arrangements. Everyone that has commented on hear has been on point with their comments. I have been attempting to get my affairs in order so that I would be ready if it truly came to this. To be honest, I don’t think any amount of preparation would have been enough, both legally and especially emotionally. It’s been 29 days since she told me her intentions, and she’s said that she’s thought about this for quite some time, months to years she said. And she wants me to come to terms with this part of my life dying in under 30 days? Not saying that it’s impossible, but just not likely. Typical marital history rewrite. You must be the bad guy to justify her affair. Very common cheater script. As recommended, I have kept my contact to a minimum, and by that only when she’s contacting me about the kids. Other than that, I am not reaching out to her. All the communication has been her contacting me. It will remain that way for the remainder of our relationship. This is a must. You cannot talk or reason with them. The affair trumps all, you, family, kids, etc. At this time, I truly no longer care for any rhyme or reason that she has chosen to come up with as to why this happened. All I want is the ability to live my life how I see fit in a tension free home. The way it has been at my home for the past 20+ days has been absolutely unbearable. I want my kids to know that I will always be there for them, and they can turn to me at any time. I know that within my posts, I stated what I had done, and they were all the wrong things to do. I should have listened to those that were generous enough to lend me their observations and advice. I was too stubborn and hurt to listen. Taken over by my emotions, and unable to respond accurately. Once again, I want to thank those who took the time to read my posts and especially those who provided their advice. I am truly grateful that their are people out there willing to lend a hand to people like myself going through what feels like the most horrific time of their life. Thank you, UwP She will introduce everyone to him as having met after the separation and probably introduce him to your kids. Your wife is a very typical cheater. Nothing special here at all. Except it's happening to you. If you know who it is I would expose. Alas, you seem to be too nice a guy which just gets you trampled on in these situations. Download and read "No More Mr Nice a Guy". Free PDF download. It may open your eyes To a lot. It's short. Many swear by it. Good luck you will need it Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 After she fully settles in with her other man or even before possibly. You'll get the "lets be friends" game. This will be for her not you. It helps with guilt. "See we're friends so he's ok with what I've done"!!!! She may even want you to be friends with her other man, etc. if you bite and go down this route you'll be firmly in doormat status. Bud, it's not your job to make her decision easy. Your kids will adapt to no contact with her. It really is a form of "cake eating". Never feed a cake eater. They just want more. You'll get the guilt trip. Do it for the kids. It's all for her. She didn't give a damn about the kids while she blew the family apart. Better wake up here. If you want to have a life you cut her off. Only texts or emails kids only. Civil but short. One word answers are good. Yes, no, etc. never answer a phone call direct. Let it go to voicemail and if it requires a response text back. You may get all kinds of contact. If it's not kid related ignore!!!! Pick ups/drop offs should be kept to a 3 minute exercise with zero engagement. If your kids are old enough I'd inform them. Mom has a boyfriend so we can't be married any longer. Don't let her talk you into lying and deceiving your kids. They aren't stupid. That doesn't mean you talk bad about her to the kids. You just don't bring her up at all. If you can apply a hard no contact you will move on faster. If not you will linger on in this mess she fed you. She put you where you are but you are the only one that can keep you there. You control your phone, life etc. I hope you fully awaken to what's coming next. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
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