Rait Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 I’ve been with my husband for 9 years and married for 5. We were in a long distance relationship during the first 6 years due to being in university at different parts of the world. We were young, broke and in love. We married and and had our first child 3 years later. I became a stay at home mom after working in corporate. My husband is an entrepreneur who managed to make millions And is working toward billions. I found out about his double life and cheating after our first child was born. His participation in affairs, relationships and dating sites with women goes back to when we first started dating and continues on. He doesn’t admit to past infidelity when I ask but now tells me he will be with other women in the future if he wants and may have children with others because I can’t birth all the children that he wants to have. He doesn’t want sex with other women to ruin our marriage. However he is not open to me having affairs or even friendships with other men. I no longer believe in romantic love because of how quickly I fell out of love with him. As of now, I’m continuing the marriage for my financial security and children. I’ve always put family first and want to put myself first now. I don’t know how to that. I need advice on whether I need to stay and see the bigger picture of marriage or if I need to run for the hills. Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 Find a very good divorce attorney and get your ducks in a row. This is not a healthy marriage for you. You shouldn’t be a prisoner until your children turn 18. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 ...and may have children with others because I can’t birth all the children that he wants to have. Have you researched utilizing a surrogate?? As long as he can afford to pay the surrogate(s), doctors can artificially inseminate the surrogate(s) and he can have all the children he wants without having sex with them... Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 He is a Narcissist. I mean it clinically, not as an insult. Yes you need to get away. There are "Victims of Narcissists" support groups out there to join because it is so difficult to get away from them undamaged. I do not have links to any such group but they shouldn't be hard to find with the Internet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 Divorce his arrogant ass and take the kids and several of those millions with you. Make him pay child support based (per scale) for the next couple of decades. You'll be fine financially (unless you've developed designer purse and shoe habits). You shouldn't have any trouble finding a lawyer. Pay them by the hour, not a percentage. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 Divorce his arrogant ass and take the kids and several of those millions with you. Make him pay child support based (per scale) for the next couple of decades. You'll be fine financially (unless you've developed designer purse and shoe habits). You shouldn't have any trouble finding a lawyer. Pay them by the hour, not a percentage. Solid advice - unless the OP is in a country where that's not so easily done. Rait, perhaps you can let us know what part of the world you're posting from... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 Then he shouldn't be upset when you retain a lawyer to protect your half of the millions you made together. Your life is in jeopardy as long as he is having sex with other people. He is in breech of his marriage contract, foreclose on his cheating a$$. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rait Posted October 11, 2018 Author Share Posted October 11, 2018 Solid advice - unless the OP is in a country where that's not so easily done. Rait, perhaps you can let us know what part of the world you're posting from... Mr. Lucky We live half of the year in the US and the other half in Africa. We have assets in both places. Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 We live half of the year in the US and the other half in Africa. We have assets in both places. Is your last name Gates? (I don't expect you to answer that) Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 We live half of the year in the US and the other half in Africa. We have assets in both places. Sounds like a complex situation. As discussed, I'd get a lawyer, one who's firm is well versed in the laws of both applicable countries... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
vanhalenfan Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 Do you have a pre-nup or post-nup in place? If not, you are entitled to half of the assets. Leave him and live the life you desire! I am sorry you are having to deal with this cheating a-hole. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rait Posted October 12, 2018 Author Share Posted October 12, 2018 Do you have a pre-nup or post-nup in place? If not, you are entitled to half of the assets. Leave him and live the life you desire! I am sorry you are having to deal with this cheating a-hole. We don’t have a pre-nup or post-nup agreement. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rait Posted October 12, 2018 Author Share Posted October 12, 2018 Sounds like a complex situation. As discussed, I'd get a lawyer, one who's firm is well versed in the laws of both applicable countries... Mr. Lucky Thanks for the advice. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 You need to wisen up and get smart. In your position I would do one or more of the following: 1) Get divorced 2) Ensure I had access to money within the marriage and put some (a lot) in my own account 3) Stop having sex with him and risking your health 4) Find a lover and let your husband know that's your plan. If he doesn't like it he can divorce you. I'd also refuse to living half the year in Africa. That could be a hindrance in the event of divorce... where residency needs to be established. Are you from a non western culture? I'm just wondering in what world your husband lives...that he would have the impudence to say this to you. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 What you mean is that your husband doesn’t think it’s wrong for HIM to cheat. But he obviously thinks it’s wrong for YOU to cheat. What an idiot. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 This is proof that those who marry for money earn every. single. penny. My friend, there is absolutely no reason why you could not divorce this man and live quite comfortably with the money you would receive from the division of your assets and spousal/child support. You clearly have a decision to make... I would be looking for a good divorce lawyer to inform you of your options... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rait Posted October 12, 2018 Author Share Posted October 12, 2018 Sounds like a complex situation. As discussed, I'd get a lawyer, one who's firm is well versed in the laws of both applicable countries... Mr. Lucky Thanks for the advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rait Posted October 12, 2018 Author Share Posted October 12, 2018 Sounds like a complex situation. As discussed, I'd get a lawyer, one who's firm is well versed in the laws of both applicable countries... Mr. Lucky Thanks for the advice. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 Is your last name Gates? (I don't expect you to answer that) Bill Gates is far too classy to ever treat his wife like that. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 Since you live on two different continents talk to an international law firm with offices in both places as one country may be more advantageous for you to file in. Please don't take this the wrong way, I am not promoting any law firm but because of the money involved you need the best representation you can afford. If nothing else by talking to them you can conflict your husband so he can't use them. Look at companies like Norton Rose, DLA Piper, Dorsey & Whitney who have offices in every key country in the world. I use DLA Piper as my corporate lawyer and have used Norton Rose out of the UK for litigation, they are brutal, both are in the top 5 in the world. They are not cheap but these guys have amazing resources available to them and if they don't have an office in your country they will have a strong alliance with a top law firm there. You need to know your rights and your husband needs to know your not going to be a pushover if he isn't willing to work things out with you. Protect yourself, protect your children. Link to post Share on other sites
misspalmy Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 I think you need ask yourself. is his cheating worth the stress. Im the OW and i see the lies MM tell his wife and me and not that i like her but one a cheater always a cheater. I pregnant to him again Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 Bill Gates is far too classy to ever treat his wife like that. I agree. I met him a couple times. I was a Microsoft MVP for 7 years. It was a bit tongue-in-cheek. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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