“Want to cuddle?”

[lavenderandvelvet]

So I met someone at a singles party over the weekend. We talked really brief,y and he wanted to exchange numbers. I said sure and kept mingling.

 

The next day he texts me the usual small talk.

 

He says “I’m not dating now, you seem interesting, I want to get to know you and be friends.”

 

This worked for me. I was neutral, but I had made a pact with myself to,say yes more to put different energy in the universe.

 

So next thing I know is he is texting several times a day. “Good morning, how’s your day....” ???

 

He continues to make small talk and ask get to know you questions.

 

So today he asked me if I am dating anyone. I reply no. Then he asks another question that would need multiple paragraphs of explanation. Neutral topic, but I reply that it is a topic better suited for a real-life convo.

 

His reply is not what I expected based on his stated intention of friendship.

 

Sure we can meet up. Not looking for sex right now, do you want to be friends with cuddling benefits.”

 

 

Cuddling buddies is a new one for me. How about you?

[Logo]

Cuddling buddies? First time I've heard that one. But we're all adults, so you and I know it's not going to stop at cuddling.

 

You didn't laugh when he said that?

 

Anyway, this guy's working his way slowly.

 

I don't know if that's his usual 'move' or if he's looking for friends with benefits or a long term relationship.

 

To me, it smells of friends with benefits or something very casual, maybe even a one time thing.

 

If you're looking for a relationship, he's not a good match for you. If you're looking to be "cuddling buddies", then go for it.

 

Just realize that what this guy says is different from what he has in mind. So manage your expectations accordingly.

 

Do you even like him? Feel attracted to him?

Edited October 12, 2018 by Logo

[I'veseenbetterlol]

That is weird and I've never gotten that before. He could be trying to get sex while pretending not to want that (people lie all the time). Be careful, cuddling could lead to other things too.

[lavenderandvelvet]

Cuddling buddies? First time I've heard that one. But we're all adults, so you and I know it's not going to stop at cuddling.

 

You didn't laugh when he said that?

 

Anyway, this guy's working his way slowly.

 

I don't know if that's his usual 'move' or if he's looking for friends with benefits or a long term relationship.

 

To me, it smells of friends with benefits or something very casual, maybe even a one time thing.

 

If you're looking for a relationship, he's not a good match for you. If you're looking to be "cuddling buddies", then go for it.

 

Just realize that what this guy says is different from what he has in mind. So manage your expectations accordingly.

 

Do you even like him? Feel attracted to him?

 

I totally laughed. It was a text. So it was me laughing in my apartment.

 

I had made no decisions other than I was willing to have a conversation - venue is open - which is why I gave him my number. It takes a a convo or two for me to develop actuak attraction, so it is too early to tell.

 

Apparently my phermones are giving off touch me vibes at the moment.

[Logo]

I totally laughed. It was a text. So it was me laughing in my apartment.

 

I had made no decisions other than I was willing to have a conversation - venue is open - which is why I gave him my number. It takes a a convo or two for me to develop actuak attraction, so it is too early to tell.

 

 

 

Do you feel comfortable being upfront and honest with him? You could go with, "I'm not looking for anything casual. But, if you're interested in something more long-term and exclusive then I'd like to get to know you more."

 

That'll up the ante for him and his "cuddling buddies" euphemism. He'll either run, lie through his teeth, or get serious.

 

Meet for a drink and see how he takes it. His face will tell you everything. But, like I said, to me it sounds like this guy's not thinking about anything long-term.

 

Apparently my phermones are giving off touch me vibes at the moment.

 

 

Perhaps it's the lavender and velvet.

 

Oh, and by the way, do you want to be online cuddling buddies?

Edited October 12, 2018 by Logo

[ExpatInItaly]

I've heard high school kids talk about "cuddle buddies."

 

At my age, (37) I would roll my eyes hard if a man asked me that as a serious question.

 

It sounds to me like he's setting it up to be more than "cuddling," but is couching it as that because he thinks it sounds better than just directly suggesting casual sex. I think he's probably used the "Let's be friends, I don't want sex, but let's cuddle"-schtick before. He knows it works because it's a little disarming for a man to just come out and say he doesn't want sex, when really, I imagine that's exactly what he's after.

[kendahke]

 

Sure we can meet up. Not looking for sex right now, do you want to be friends with cuddling benefits.”

 

 

Cuddling buddies is a new one for me. How about you?

 

It's a thing--and it's routinely discussed here on the message boards going back as far as I've been on here (2015) and we here are quick to see this behavior when it's a woman doing it to a man (turning him into her "emotional tampon" is some of the rhetoric we throw around), but not so much the other way around.

 

Lost of men come on here complaining about being turned into one of these for women who have no intention of seriously being in a relationship with them, but are using them to mark time until the guy they really want to be with frees himself up.

Edited October 12, 2018 by kendahke

[lurker74]

1) He is joking and assumes you know that

2) He is lying and hopes you think he's being sincere

3) He's completely uncomfortable with sex

4) He has no backbone

5) He has herpes and wants to lure you in more before disclosing (micro penis also fits here)

6) He has a cuddling fetish

 

Those are the most likely choices. My money is on 1 or 4.

[Art_Critic]

I'd go with he is not really single.

[PRW]

I'm going to take my own path on this....

I'll just interpret the "pieces" of it along they way. I probably won't tell you what to do about it,...that is up to you. My goal is for you to understand what the things he says and does means. What you do about it is up to you.

 

So I met someone at a singles party over the weekend. We talked really brief,y and he wanted to exchange numbers. I said sure and kept mingling.

 

Ok, so far

 

The next day he texts me the usual small talk.

Shows he is not confident. Although he was quick to contact you, he can't bring himself to say what he really wants. He should have just made a specific date (specific day/time/place)

 

He says “I’m not dating now, you seem interesting, I want to get to know you and be friends.”

He is not good with women. He told you he is not dating, feeling he has to tell you this is more low-confidence. Saying that you seem interesting is a weak way to hint that he wants to ask you out, but he can't bring himself to just do it. Saying, "Want to get to know you and be friends" is the attempt to spend time with you by "sneaking in under the radar" rather than just setting a specific date. He doesn't want "to be friends". He is interested in you as a woman, not as a "buddy" but he just doesn't have the guts to do it in a straight forward manner. Guys like this have the potential to become stalkers,...not saying he will,...but it happens a lot.

 

So next thing I know is he is texting several times a day. “Good morning, how’s your day....”

You gave him enough encouragement for the neediness and the fear of missing an opportunity to kick in. Yet he still can't just set a real date with a real "place/day/time". He is hoping you will plan and set a date with him instead. His mentality is to find a way to spend time with you,...rather than the attitude of a confident guy which is to offer you an opportunity to spend time with him.

 

He continues to make small talk and ask get to know you questions.

Yes, more of the same.

 

So today he asked me if I am dating anyone. I reply no. Then he asks another question that would need multiple paragraphs of explanation. Neutral topic, but I reply that it is a topic better suited for a real-life convo.

He still can't believe you are not dating (I thought he asked that before). The closer he finds himself to a real opportunity the more he can't handle it,...he is starting to go off the rails a little bit.

 

His reply is not what I expected based on his stated intention of friendship.

 

Sure we can meet up. Not looking for sex right now, do you want to be friends with cuddling benefits.”

That is what he said right?, not you? The back-and-forth threw me off a bit. If he said that then this is just another "sneak under the radar approach" He is absolutely wanting sex, that is why he mentioned it, he may be infatuated with the idea. But he is saying whatever he thinks he needs to in order to convince you he is not. The whole "cuddle" thing is just the non-confident way of reaching sex hoping that the cuddling gets hotter and hotter until YOU make a move and escalate into sex.

 

Now there is nothing wrong with cuddling,...when you been on a few dates, know each other better, and it is just natural. But the way it is presented here just seems odd.

Edited October 12, 2018 by PRW

[JuneL]

First, you guys met at a singles event. So why did he have the need to announce/ask whether you guys are dating.

 

Second, “You seem interesting” sounds to me like “You are tolerable. I am willing to go out with you if I have nothing better to do.”

 

I have had guys who told me on the dating site that “You seem interesting.” and “Let me know if you’d like to meet for coffee.”

[kendahke]

So why did he have the need to announce/ask whether you guys are dating.

 

You'd be surprised how many people roll up into these events who are otherwise involved with someone else.

[JuneL]

You'd be surprised how many people roll up into these events who are otherwise involved with someone else.

 

But don’t these people just lie about their status anyway?

[kendahke]

But don’t these people just lie about their status anyway?

 

If that lie will advance them towards what they want? Yes.

[smackie9]

Cuddle B%^&*%^ is a real thing, but mostly preferred by girls not grown men. Some married men resort to this with a mutual co-worker or female friend because of the lack of affection in their marriage. Similar to an emotional affair but will spend say 10 mins a day to get that warm nonsexual feeling.

 

 

 

I'm gonna go with the other poster and say he's involved with someone already...this is his way of dipping his toes in the pond.

 

 

 

Like I always say, if it doesn't feel right, then it's not. Don't keep saying yes, say no.

[PRW]

There might be some cheaters come to these events,...but what you really get a huge amount of are guys who are desperate dating cripples that are so bad with women a prostitute would give them their money back. Granted there would be a some women like that too, but the majority of it is on the side of the guys. It is just a cesspool of needy creepy guys that could not get laid if they paid a hooker double.

Edited October 12, 2018 by PRW

[Hopeful30]

Yeah lol its the next best thing he hopes will lead to sex

 

 

The only guys who ever offered cuddling before sex had very small penises and were working it very slow so I would grow emotionally towards them before the big (lol) reveal.

 

Didnt work, I ended up ending things anyway, except with tears and "why?? Why is one thing always so off with the men I choose!"

[PRW]

Didnt work, I ended up ending things anyway, except with tears and "why?? Why is one thing always so off with the men I choose!"

 

It seems counter productive, but focus your attention on guys who are friendly, pleasant, but don't seem nervous, and show only mild interest. They are often more interested than they act but are waiting to see if you show any signs of interest (current social conditions have made men cautious). If he is interested he will get your contact information, and when he does he will behave as if he sure you're going to give it to him and that it isn't a big deal. So if he asks for your contact info then he is interested,...period. So don't run around in circles worrying if he is interested,...he is. If he has other options, or just simply "has a life", he may not contact you immediately,...don't worry about it. I usually don't contact them until I have found a good day for a date and got the plans for it figured out, so when I contact and make the date I know exactly what I am doing.

 

There has only been a couple times I got someone's contact info and then didn't use it. In each case it was because I seen them a few times after that at social events we were both at, and something about them popped up as a red flag so I didn't move forward.

[coolheadal]

So I met someone at a singles party over the weekend. We talked really brief,y and he wanted to exchange numbers. I said sure and kept mingling.

 

The next day he texts me the usual small talk.

 

He says “I’m not dating now, you seem interesting, I want to get to know you and be friends.”

 

This worked for me. I was neutral, but I had made a pact with myself to,say yes more to put different energy in the universe.

 

So next thing I know is he is texting several times a day. “Good morning, how’s your day....” ???

 

He continues to make small talk and ask get to know you questions.

 

So today he asked me if I am dating anyone. I reply no. Then he asks another question that would need multiple paragraphs of explanation. Neutral topic, but I reply that it is a topic better suited for a real-life convo.

 

His reply is not what I expected based on his stated intention of friendship.

 

Sure we can meet up. Not looking for sex right now, do you want to be friends with cuddling benefits.”

 

 

Cuddling buddies is a new one for me. How about you?

 

Buddies = friends only.. He wants cuddling and friends. But what do you want?

 

BF

or

Buddie?

 

This guy wants to keep his options opens meaning he doesn't want a relationship he just want to have fun with so many options (women at his beck and call) this guy won't make for a good type of relationship. Whatever you do don't go to bed with him for sex as you know already that's all on his mind for casual sex. Cuddling buddies (aka casual sex buddies) .. Today looks like everything goes.

[lavenderandvelvet]

Do you feel comfortable being upfront and honest with him? You could go with, "I'm not looking for anything casual. But, if you're interested in something more long-term and exclusive then I'd like to get to know you more."

 

That'll up the ante for him and his "cuddling buddies" euphemism. He'll either run, lie through his teeth, or get serious.

 

Meet for a drink and see how he takes it. His face will tell you everything. But, like I said, to me it sounds like this guy's not thinking about anything long-term.

 

My assumption based on his lead in about not dating anyone he was in a casual mindset. And I took the let’s be friends at face value. At the moment I am open to dating options, but also recruiting male friends. Because I have a lot of female friends who don’t know single guys. And single guys tend to travel in packs.

 

Perhaps it's the lavender and velvet.

 

Oh, and by the way, do you want to be online cuddling buddies?

 

LOL. It must be. That song is very sultry.

 

Online cuddle buddies sounds intriguing. :laugh:

[lavenderandvelvet]

I'm going to take my own path on this....

I'll just interpret the "pieces" of it along they way. I probably won't tell you what to do about it,...that is up to you. My goal is for you to understand what the things he says and does means. What you do about it is up to you.

 

Ok, so far

 

Shows he is not confident. Although he was quick to contact you, he can't bring himself to say what he really wants. He should have just made a specific date (specific day/time/place)

 

He is not good with women. He told you he is not dating, feeling he has to tell you this is more low-confidence. Saying that you seem interesting is a weak way to hint that he wants to ask you out, but he can't bring himself to just do it. Saying, "Want to get to know you and be friends" is the attempt to spend time with you by "sneaking in under the radar" rather than just setting a specific date. He doesn't want "to be friends". He is interested in you as a woman, not as a "buddy" but he just doesn't have the guts to do it in a straight forward manner. Guys like this have the potential to become stalkers,...not saying he will,...but it happens a lot.

 

You gave him enough encouragement for the neediness and the fear of missing an opportunity to kick in. Yet he still can't just set a real date with a real "place/day/time". He is hoping you will plan and set a date with him instead. His mentality is to find a way to spend time with you,...rather than the attitude of a confident guy which is to offer you an opportunity to spend time with him.

 

Yes, more of the same.

 

He still can't believe you are not dating (I thought he asked that before). The closer he finds himself to a real opportunity the more he can't handle it,...he is starting to go off the rails a little bit.

 

That is what he said right?, not you? The back-and-forth threw me off a bit. If he said that then this is just another "sneak under the radar approach" He is absolutely wanting sex, that is why he mentioned it, he may be infatuated with the idea. But he is saying whatever he thinks he needs to in order to convince you he is not. The whole "cuddle" thing is just the non-confident way of reaching sex hoping that the cuddling gets hotter and hotter until YOU make a move and escalate into sex.

 

Now there is nothing wrong with cuddling,...when you been on a few dates, know each other better, and it is just natural. But the way it is presented here just seems odd.

 

All possible. He keeps texting. He is on a trip for a few days, I told him to reach out when he gets back. We’ll see if he keeps trying to text.

 

I didn’t talk to him long enough at the party to get a good feel for his demeanor. He was quick to grab my number at tbe party, which is a sign of confidence. But tbese texts are definitely indirect.

[lavenderandvelvet]

First, you guys met at a singles event. So why did he have the need to announce/ask whether you guys are dating.

 

Second, “You seem interesting” sounds to me like “You are tolerable. I am willing to go out with you if I have nothing better to do.”

 

I have had guys who told me on the dating site that “You seem interesting.” and “Let me know if you’d like to meet for coffee.”

 

LOL. I guess it is better than something like I noticed your boobs. I didn’t talk to him long enough for him to get any sense of what I was like. Maybe 5 minutes.

 

You'd be surprised how many people roll up into these events who are otherwise involved with someone else.

True, I mentioned in another thread I came with a guy who is a “friend” but demonstrated all sorts of intimate body language.

[Veronica73]

1) He is joking and assumes you know that

2) He is lying and hopes you think he's being sincere

3) He's completely uncomfortable with sex

4) He has no backbone

5) He has herpes and wants to lure you in more before disclosing (micro penis also fits here)

6) He has a cuddling fetish

 

Those are the most likely choices. My money is on 1 or 4.

 

I need you to analyze my life!!

[PRW]

He was quick to grab my number at tbe party, which is a sign of confidence.

 

No, any idiot can ask for a number,...not a sign of confidence. I know some have suggested that he may be involved with someone already and is trying to "cheat" or whatever,...but I don't think so. That would take skill, someone like that knows how to get into a relationship, they "know what they are doing" and are more polished and slick. This guy comes across to me as bungling along almost incompetently. I stick by my initial determination.