Giving up on dating is an act of self-preservation

[NuevoYorko]

Here is the thing I agree on adapting but I don't agree on settling and lowering ones standard.

I suppose this attitude is part of rigid linear thinking.

 

It baffles me how many people are comfortable sitting around on their computers grading others as "higher" or "lower" than themselves.

 

Ever considered expanding your standard, rather than "lowering" it?

[Normm]

I suppose this attitude is part of rigid linear thinking.

 

It baffles me how many people are comfortable sitting around on their computers grading others as "higher" or "lower" than themselves.

 

Ever considered expanding your standard, rather than "lowering" it?

 

 

I've always been guilty of doing the same when I've been online dating. I'll scroll through pages of profiles and immediately discard the ugly and the fat, I'll briefly consider some that really aren't that attractive but aren't all that difficult to look at, but I'll end up only messaging the 8s and above. But the difference is, I never had a problem getting replies and dates for the following weekend, several of which turned into relationships including the 8 year one I'm in right now.

 

 

In the case of those who are batting 0%, if the expect to ever meet someone, they need to a bit more openminded. But as screwed up as that "above or below me" thinking may be, how do you change it? You can't force yourself to be attracted to someone you perceive as being ugly or in otherwords "lower than what you'd be willing to settle for".

[elaine567]

OLD is definitely guilty of raising expectations.

Swiping right, swiping left is so simple and I guess a lot of these struggling guys are ending up with a pile of girls who look like supermodels or celebrities. They then get upset when they are unsuccessful in landing dates with these women.

 

IRL these girls would be firmly off limits to them, and they would soon learn to be more realistic in choosing the type of girl who would give them a chance.

[shesabeauty]

Society, your friends, keep telling you this myth that looks/height don't matter.

 

But time and time again, I've witnessed that it does, whether it's my own experience or me being a 3rd party observer to someone else's experience.

 

There has to be a physical attraction to spark something. I agree there is a wide variety of taste out there. One guy will not be attractive to a girl and another guy will. But there are universal traits of attractiveness that go beyond one's ethnicity, skin color, etc. And if you don't have any of those characteristics such as in my case, you're **** outta luck.

 

You can be successful, accomplished, have the most interesting hobbies and be doing great for yourself but it wouldn't matter. Because you just don't have the right look. And she's not attracted to you. She may respect you and like you a lot but she's not attracted and so it'll never be anything more.

 

I'm not trying to brag but I consider myself a very accomplished person. I'm successful in my career. I'm a ballroom dancer. I play music. I have a full and interesting life. Dating gurus out there keep saying that if you create a good life for yourself, women will follow. But none of that helps with the women I'm attracted to. They always end up dating some guy who is lesser than me but who is taller and more conventionally attractive. And in some cases, they're dating downright losers and they'll justify it by saying, "oh they're so X and Y" when in fact, it's simply because they're drawn to them physically and they have that physical spark of attraction. Not because the guy has such amazing qualities.

 

I've been told by countless people that I have great qualities and that I deserve someone but I never find anyone because every woman I've been interested in is never interested back and instead ends up with some guy who isn't half the person I am but he's usually taller and better looking or has some sort of mysterious GREAT quality that supposedly no other guy has.

 

For me, the thought of even just going out there and "trying again" is enough to send me into a tailspin of depression because all the humiliating episodes of failures just flood back. I've shut down all social media so I don't have to keep being bombarded from someone who has found new love.

 

For me, giving up on dating is an act of self-preservation. I'm much happier when I can just focus on my hobbies/interests without the thought of any sort of dating outcomes.

 

What type of women are you interested in?

 

How many of these types of women have you asked out in the past year?

[brigit87]

I've always been guilty of doing the same when I've been online dating. I'll scroll through pages of profiles and immediately discard the ugly and the fat, I'll briefly consider some that really aren't that attractive but aren't all that difficult to look at, but I'll end up only messaging the 8s and above. But the difference is, I never had a problem getting replies and dates for the following weekend, several of which turned into relationships including the 8 year one I'm in right now.

 

 

In the case of those who are batting 0%, if the expect to ever meet someone, they need to a bit more openminded. But as screwed up as that "above or below me" thinking may be, how do you change it? You can't force yourself to be attracted to someone you perceive as being ugly or in otherwords "lower than what you'd be willing to settle for".

 

It's true both the OP and ZA need to realistically assess themselves. When I was out in the dating world I could get (almost) any man I wanted. I was in my twenties and had qualities that men wanted.

 

However, if my husband left me for some reason and I had to go back out into the dating world now, at 50 my choices would be much more limited. Why? Because that's life.

[elaine567]

It's true both the OP and ZA need to realistically assess themselves. When I was out in the dating world I could get (almost) any man I wanted. I was in my twenties and had qualities that men wanted.

 

However, if my husband left me for some reason and I had to go back out into the dating world now, at 50 my choices would be much more limited. Why? Because that's life.

 

That is correct and had the OP and ZA really put themselves "out there" in their early twenties then they may have been very successful too, but now in mid thirties, their options are naturally limited, as most have paired off by then and they are not organically meeting single women either.

Add in their high requirements for no baggage, young, pretty, classy and highly intelligent, then it is "needle in a haystack" stuff.

Not only does she have to exhibit such attributes, but there also needs to be mutual attraction too, and that is where it gets stickier...

[Chilli]

Putting it like that yeah , it would actually be a very tricky age wouldn't it with so many in marriages and families by then.

[brigit87]

That is correct and had the OP and ZA really put themselves "out there" in their early twenties then they may have been very successful too, but now in mid thirties, their options are naturally limited, as most have paired off by then and they are not organically meeting single women either.

Add in their high requirements for no baggage, young, pretty, classy and highly intelligent, then it is "needle in a haystack" stuff.

Not only does she have to exhibit such attributes, but there also needs to be mutual attraction too, and that is where it gets stickier...

 

Right. And even If they found this amazing 28 year old beautiful, intelligent woman who finds them attractive she wouldn't be perfect. She'd have her not so beautiful days and not so intelligent days and she might do weird stuff at times.

 

And even a "dream girl" isn't that exciting after you've been with her for a couple of months. The girls they "want" are dating savvy. These women know the deal and play the game well. They can ruthlessly disqualify guys easily because the market is so wide open.

 

Survival of the fittest.

[elaine567]

Putting it like that yeah , it would actually be a very tricky age wouldn't it with so many in marriages and families by then.

 

 

Yes and when people exit marriages or LTRs they often look around for and are attracted to people who are like them, people with the same experiences they can share, ie divorced +/- kids, or people who have just left LTRs, living together situations...

[ZA Dater]

That is correct and had the OP and ZA really put themselves "out there" in their early twenties then they may have been very successful too, but now in mid thirties, their options are naturally limited, as most have paired off by then and they are not organically meeting single women either.

Add in their high requirements for no baggage, young, pretty, classy and highly intelligent, then it is "needle in a haystack" stuff.

Not only does she have to exhibit such attributes, but there also needs to be mutual attraction too, and that is where it gets stickier...

 

 

Thanks for the reminder.

 

 

In my case probably wouldn't have made any difference at all because my personality is the same now was it was then, actually I was even more shy then BUT studying it would have been easier to meet people than it is now.

 

 

At least your outlook is fair, I will give you due respect for that.

 

 

Not sure what you mean about organically meeting people either, organic farming doesn't hold much allure.

 

 

I'll meet people every so often but its rare and I pretty much know they have no romantic interest me.

[ZA Dater]

Yes and when people exit marriages or LTRs they often look around for and are attracted to people who are like them, people with the same experiences they can share, ie divorced +/- kids, or people who have just left LTRs, living together situations...

 

 

 

That's a fundamental problem I have no common ground in respect of this. I do believe the pursuit of dating can make a person extremely unhappy, it made me extremely unhappy for a long, long time, I watched years go buy and saw things moving further and further away and just felt completely hopeless chasing the same thing with no real progress at all.

 

 

A win for me was/is finding a decent match to talk to, I don't even care if they never want to meet.

[esean75]

I feel the same... the only difference is that I tend to loose out to less attractive guys. I look young for my age with a full head of hair with very little grey in it and I'm reasonably fit. They end up seeing something in guys that are less fit and are drawn to bald heads, tattoos and beards. The guys they prefer don't necessarily have their **** together and sometimes have more serious issues.

 

I've taken Facebook off of my phone; it's a poor substitute for real life interaction. I've more recently stopped using the dating app. It's very superficial. The same mundane conversations about the divorce, the kids, the schedules with the kids (rather important), and what baggage we each have; especially how good or bad the relationship is with the ex. All the conversation has to do is continue until we can make plans to meet, all by IM instead of a REAL freaking conversation. If the sparks aren't flying right away when we meet at some bar, one or both does the ghosting in search of the next one who is right at our fingertips. I am guilty of having been a serial online dating for the better part of the last 6 years. It is very unfulfilling and as far as the money spent, I would have been better throwing it all out the window while driving down the highway.

 

I'm not giving up on dating but am slowing it the hell down a bit for the same reasons as the OP. I'm gaining the confidence try what has become a now bizarre concept of approaching a girl I find attractive and just asking her the f**k out. It did well in my 20s before online dating was even around. It is taking some getting used to again. Like mentioned by the OP, I do have to experience the disappointment of finding out they're either happily attached or not interested and sometimes in favor of someone else. (probably to some bald bearded loser who is looking for a mother instead of a companion).

 

I'm not giving up and I hope the OP doesn't either. I'm just making sure there is some kind of connection before I waste time, money, and emotional energy on something when it can be better spent elsewhere.

 

A lot of these are recent thoughts and this link below has helped me a lot with my view of things.

 

https://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2015/11/relax-you-are-going-to-fall-in-love-again/

[ZA Dater]

I feel the same... the only difference is that I tend to loose out to less attractive guys. I look young for my age with a full head of hair with very little grey in it and I'm reasonably fit. They end up seeing something in guys that are less fit and are drawn to bald heads, tattoos and beards. The guys they prefer don't necessarily have their **** together and sometimes have more serious issues.

 

I've taken Facebook off of my phone; it's a poor substitute for real life interaction. I've more recently stopped using the dating app. It's very superficial. The same mundane conversations about the divorce, the kids, the schedules with the kids (rather important), and what baggage we each have; especially how good or bad the relationship is with the ex. All the conversation has to do is continue until we can make plans to meet, all by IM instead of a REAL freaking conversation. If the sparks aren't flying right away when we meet at some bar, one or both does the ghosting in search of the next one who is right at our fingertips. I am guilty of having been a serial online dating for the better part of the last 6 years. It is very unfulfilling and as far as the money spent, I would have been better throwing it all out the window while driving down the highway.

 

I'm not giving up on dating but am slowing it the hell down a bit for the same reasons as the OP. I'm gaining the confidence try what has become a now bizarre concept of approaching a girl I find attractive and just asking her the f**k out. It did well in my 20s before online dating was even around. It is taking some getting used to again. Like mentioned by the OP, I do have to experience the disappointment of finding out they're either happily attached or not interested and sometimes in favor of someone else. (probably to some bald bearded loser who is looking for a mother instead of a companion).

 

I'm not giving up and I hope the OP doesn't either. I'm just making sure there is some kind of connection before I waste time, money, and emotional energy on something when it can be better spent elsewhere.

 

A lot of these are recent thoughts and this link below has helped me a lot with my view of things.

 

https://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2015/11/relax-you-are-going-to-fall-in-love-again/

 

 

 

I think the thing is this. A lady who is 20 will want something different to one that is 30, if you don't fir into the wants of your preferred age group your chances are next to zero. For various reasons I was never really a child, I grew up fast, I preferred talking about politics with my grandmother than going to disco's at school. Things other kids liked I didn't.

 

 

Ironically at a certain age this made me very attractive to girls but again I wasn't interested preferring to work according to a self imposed plan of

 

 

"this before that" and so on and so forth. I always believed I'd be able to pick up dating at some stage but in hindsight I pretty much killed my chances with this so called "plan". Between 15-18 I had a pretty good dating options but instead I focussed on other things, in my mind the sacrifice being worth it, whether it ultimately was is debateable because that lack of experience really hurts my dating potential now.

[brigit87]

 

A win for me was/is finding a decent match to talk to, I don't even care if they never want to meet.

 

That's not a win it's a predatory and wrong.

 

OP seems MIA so I'll make this my last post on this thread.

 

You'll be fine as long as you become more aware of the way life works. Get some street smarts and maybe do volunteer work. Both you and OP are too self-absorbed right now to find love anyway.

[ZA Dater]

That's not a win it's a predatory and wrong.

 

OP seems MIA so I'll make this my last post on this thread.

 

You'll be fine as long as you become more aware of the way life works. Get some street smarts and maybe do volunteer work. Both you and OP are too self-absorbed right now to find love anyway.

 

 

 

Street smart, I see dating for the cynical superficial game it is. I think that makes me street smart.

 

 

OP has more to offer than me on the face it so why he struggles is perhaps not a reflection on him but the market and the dating game itself, people keep saying its all great and good but when I read about the OP struggles and I look at the guys who don't struggle and what they offer all I can conclude is there is no logic here.

 

 

People forget to like someone you need to feel something and if people feel nothing toward me I accept that but don't expect me to try and like someone I wont purely because well "at that point in your life the choices are".

 

 

I think I decided long ago it was more important to be respected than liked.

[Garcon1986]

ZA Dater you are pretty stubborn man, a woman needs to respect and like you in order to date you. What's your plan in getting back into dating if you want it so much?

[sabaton]

But he only wants to date someone with a pretty face who is thin, i.e., someone in the top 10 percent of women. Like my old boss used to tell me, "You can want in one hand and **** in the other and see which one fills up first."

 

Yeah, but if he really wants women - he can do what I did.

 

When I was about to turn 18, and it was time for me to think about my college options, I decided that I didn't want to spend the next couple decades stuffed with college debt. So, I talked to my parents and had them arrange that I would move in with my Southern European side of the family for the duration of the years I would spend in college.

 

Then I landed on this beautiful Country, and on the very first day I visited what was to become my college I was astounded by how skinny most of the girls were, at 90lbs for the really short ones(4'10'') and 120lbs to 130lbs for the taller ones, with flat stomachs, clear skin, full, thick, long hair, straight white teeth, and very pretty faces.

 

And they are also for the most part hyper feminine in the way that they dress and the way that they use make-up, rings, hairbands, earings, tattoos(for those who have them) and most of the women are open to chatting with guys and they're rather charming about it.

 

I went to a 90% female college and 10% male, and most of the guys could get laid easy enough and get several girlfriends if they wanted to, throughout their college years. I was even approached by a very beautiful 4'10'' 90lbs 18 year old girl who made everything so easy for me.

 

From approaching me and asking for my phone number, to asking me to go out with her to her friends event that they had arranged, and then asking for my facebook, being the first to text me, asking me out to hang out together one on one, and eventually we began dating.

 

I was even approached by modelesque girls who worked as models standing at 5'10'' to my 5'7'' whereas back in the US where I was born and grew up, I was in competition for every girl who wasn't 160lbs at 5'4'' and 30% body fat. and when you're 5'7'' and 132lbs at 10% when the average height/weight for welterweight boxing champions, even when those champions are 6'1'' to be at 145lbs, and the average woman back home will reach 200 lbs any time soon one of these days..yeah, that's why I got addicted to porn as a young man, yikes.

 

And my friends ask me why in the 10 years I've been in Europe I've only gone back home to visit family and friends and to attend their weddings. I wonder why

 

It got to a point where I would meet beautiful, fit, young women who were stylish as all hell who got no male attention from anyone, and that made it even easier for me to sleep with them, because when every girl is beautiful and naturally skinny/fit, how can a woman be considered beautiful?

 

How can she feel that she's hot? That she is amongst the most beautiful women on this Earth of ours?

 

And more importantly - how can she have high standards when she sees gorgeous young women dating broke, average-looking men(not overweight)?

 

I live in Portimão now, which is pretty much a beach with a few residential buildings sprinkled around the major beaches, and the vast majority of the women are young, naturally thin and rather pretty, with their dark skin, dark hair, pearly white teeth and dark eyes, very much they look like this girl https://i0.wp.com/www.zapping-tv.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Sara-Matos.jpg?fit=600%2C467

 

And while back in the USA, a thin, young, pretty woman was pretty much only affordable for rich guys or for 6'2'' male models, suddenly these women in this sandy Country only expect a guy to have low body fat - which is so easy - and a face that isn't deformed and they're up to dating you if you are a funny dude, or a charming dude, or because you look exotic with your Greek, Spanish, Portuguese, Turkish blood, and that funny American accent.

 

And it's very common for these girls to have high sex drives. I had no idea that Paradise was to be found on earth Thank you mommy and daddy for having grandfathers that came from Southern Europe instead of England.

Edited October 30, 2018 by sabaton

[JuneL]

ZA Dater you are pretty stubborn man, a woman needs to respect and like you in order to date you. What's your plan in getting back into dating if you want it so much?

 

Imagine Brat Pitt in his 30s typing those convoluted texts repeating the same circular arguments over and over again (while bragging about his debating skills ). Sooner or later you realize no amount of hotness is going to make up for his pleasantness (or lack thereof).

[sabaton]

Imagine Brat Pitt in his 30s typing those convoluted texts repeating the same circular arguments over and over again (while bragging his debating skills ). Sooner or later you realize no amount of hotness is going to make up for his pleasantness (or lack thereof).

 

 

haha, I actually met guys who barely spoke the local language and the women didn't know much English, and they still ended up hooking up. When girls are horny, they don't mind that the guy looks like he can barely write or talk

[sabaton]

I feel the same... the only difference is that I tend to loose out to less attractive guys. I look young for my age with a full head of hair with very little grey in it and I'm reasonably fit

..And why is that bad? I'm in my late 20s, I'm 5'7'' at 132lbs with wide shoulders but with a body frame that makes me look like a teenager. I can grow a thick, full beard, but if I do that, people become weary when they see me because I start looking like a thug.

 

If I shave, I look young, with people my own age who aren't aware of my age calling me a kid, or a boy, or a youth. This results in being ignored and avoided by women my own age and by older women and being noticed mostly by women in their late teens and early 20s, which can be annoying at times because of the differential levels of emotional maturity, but when you think about how most women my own age are either married or looking for marriage/kids.. yeah, I think I'll put up with sending a few dozens of emojis a day in my texts

 

. They end up seeing something in guys that are less fit and are drawn to bald heads, tattoos and beards. The guys they prefer don't necessarily have their **** together and sometimes have more serious issues.

The women you meet end up dating men who are overweight, bald, and have beards that hide their jawlines??? Why? Are the women looking for a potential husband and you're not looking for that?

 

I've taken Facebook off of my phone; it's a poor substitute for real life interaction.

Actually, facebook can save you up a lot of time. I don't date. I either meet women online in forums, gaming plattaforms with the ability for the users to talk to each other, facebook, and twitter and such. We start talking, we flirt, we trade pictures and nudes, and we sext. If she really wants to sleep with me she'll come to this Country where I'm at, and if the women are close enough I'll walk there, to their houses.

[esean75]

I think the thing is this. A lady who is 20 will want something different to one that is 30, if you don't fir into the wants of your preferred age group your chances are next to zero. For various reasons I was never really a child, I grew up fast, I preferred talking about politics with my grandmother than going to disco's at school. Things other kids liked I didn't.

 

We all have different needs at different ages. Even in the post above mine, the whole online and sexting thing works and that's how I was at that age (before any of that stuff was even invented). I used to be a ship officer so I had plenty of fun. At later ages, connection becomes more important. I don't get as excited just because someone looks great in a pic and can talk the talk through IMs. I want to be around those I have things in common with and my time has become too valuable for superficial and short-term relationships.

[ZA Dater]

ZA Dater you are pretty stubborn man, a woman needs to respect and like you in order to date you. What's your plan in getting back into dating if you want it so much?

 

 

 

No, what I am saying is simply if I'd rather be respected than liked. I don't have any plan at all, I'd hoped to pick up dating at 25 but nearly 10 years later I am not better off than I was then, nor are they many opportunities either, have been on less than 10 dates this year. Probably that's because I find a lot of what I like in life in work and projects I work on, nobody but me will get excited about those, sure one is a vanity project which some ladies might like because of the prestige attached to it but I don't market myself that or, or at all to be honest, been kicked in the teeth too many times and truthfully I never meet any single people.

 

 

Ironically I think the OP does himself a huge disservice by not considering Asian ladies, I have met three and all were very nice, warm, down to earth people.

[shesabeauty]

Society, your friends, keep telling you this myth that looks/height don't matter.

 

But time and time again, I've witnessed that it does, whether it's my own experience or me being a 3rd party observer to someone else's experience.

 

There has to be a physical attraction to spark something. I agree there is a wide variety of taste out there. One guy will not be attractive to a girl and another guy will. But there are universal traits of attractiveness that go beyond one's ethnicity, skin color, etc. And if you don't have any of those characteristics such as in my case, you're **** outta luck.

 

You can be successful, accomplished, have the most interesting hobbies and be doing great for yourself but it wouldn't matter. Because you just don't have the right look. And she's not attracted to you. She may respect you and like you a lot but she's not attracted and so it'll never be anything more.

 

I'm not trying to brag but I consider myself a very accomplished person. I'm successful in my career. I'm a ballroom dancer. I play music. I have a full and interesting life. Dating gurus out there keep saying that if you create a good life for yourself, women will follow. But none of that helps with the women I'm attracted to. They always end up dating some guy who is lesser than me but who is taller and more conventionally attractive. And in some cases, they're dating downright losers and they'll justify it by saying, "oh they're so X and Y" when in fact, it's simply because they're drawn to them physically and they have that physical spark of attraction. Not because the guy has such amazing qualities.

 

I've been told by countless people that I have great qualities and that I deserve someone but I never find anyone because every woman I've been interested in is never interested back and instead ends up with some guy who isn't half the person I am but he's usually taller and better looking or has some sort of mysterious GREAT quality that supposedly no other guy has.

 

For me, the thought of even just going out there and "trying again" is enough to send me into a tailspin of depression because all the humiliating episodes of failures just flood back. I've shut down all social media so I don't have to keep being bombarded from someone who has found new love.

 

For me, giving up on dating is an act of self-preservation. I'm much happier when I can just focus on my hobbies/interests without the thought of any sort of dating outcomes.

 

You've posted 66 times in the past month alone complaining about your lack of dating options so clearly you are not as happy as you say you are.

 

And you didn't answer my question: how many women have asked out in the past year?

[ZA Dater]

Yeah, but if he really wants women - he can do what I did.

 

When I was about to turn 18, and it was time for me to think about my college options, I decided that I didn't want to spend the next couple decades stuffed with college debt. So, I talked to my parents and had them arrange that I would move in with my Southern European side of the family for the duration of the years I would spend in college.

 

Then I landed on this beautiful Country, and on the very first day I visited what was to become my college I was astounded by how skinny most of the girls were, at 90lbs for the really short ones(4'10'') and 120lbs to 130lbs for the taller ones, with flat stomachs, clear skin, full, thick, long hair, straight white teeth, and very pretty faces.

 

And they are also for the most part hyper feminine in the way that they dress and the way that they use make-up, rings, hairbands, earings, tattoos(for those who have them) and most of the women are open to chatting with guys and they're rather charming about it.

 

I went to a 90% female college and 10% male, and most of the guys could get laid easy enough and get several girlfriends if they wanted to, throughout their college years. I was even approached by a very beautiful 4'10'' 90lbs 18 year old girl who made everything so easy for me.

 

From approaching me and asking for my phone number, to asking me to go out with her to her friends event that they had arranged, and then asking for my facebook, being the first to text me, asking me out to hang out together one on one, and eventually we began dating.

 

I was even approached by modelesque girls who worked as models standing at 5'10'' to my 5'7'' whereas back in the US where I was born and grew up, I was in competition for every girl who wasn't 160lbs at 5'4'' and 30% body fat. and when you're 5'7'' and 132lbs at 10% when the average height/weight for welterweight boxing champions, even when those champions are 6'1'' to be at 145lbs, and the average woman back home will reach 200 lbs any time soon one of these days..yeah, that's why I got addicted to porn as a young man, yikes.

 

And my friends ask me why in the 10 years I've been in Europe I've only gone back home to visit family and friends and to attend their weddings. I wonder why

 

It got to a point where I would meet beautiful, fit, young women who were stylish as all hell who got no male attention from anyone, and that made it even easier for me to sleep with them, because when every girl is beautiful and naturally skinny/fit, how can a woman be considered beautiful?

 

How can she feel that she's hot? That she is amongst the most beautiful women on this Earth of ours?

 

And more importantly - how can she have high standards when she sees gorgeous young women dating broke, average-looking men(not overweight)?

 

I live in Portimão now, which is pretty much a beach with a few residential buildings sprinkled around the major beaches, and the vast majority of the women are young, naturally thin and rather pretty, with their dark skin, dark hair, pearly white teeth and dark eyes, very much they look like this girl https://i0.wp.com/www.zapping-tv.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Sara-Matos.jpg?fit=600%2C467

 

And while back in the USA, a thin, young, pretty woman was pretty much only affordable for rich guys or for 6'2'' male models, suddenly these women in this sandy Country only expect a guy to have low body fat - which is so easy - and a face that isn't deformed and they're up to dating you if you are a funny dude, or a charming dude, or because you look exotic with your Greek, Spanish, Portuguese, Turkish blood, and that funny American accent.

 

And it's very common for these girls to have high sex drives. I had no idea that Paradise was to be found on earth Thank you mommy and daddy for having grandfathers that came from Southern Europe instead of England.

 

 

 

I do think there is quite a lot of merit to this but its highly impractical for most. I mean a friend of mine went to Thailand, this is a guy who has never been on a date, yet he was surrounded by ladies there, they gave him levels of attention he wouldn't get here.

 

 

Likewise I think I would probably do ok elsewhere because I'd be something different, in fact most of my life that's all I have wanted to be: different from everyone else. Which comes at a high cost.

 

 

At the end of the day if the best I can do is watching that pretty ship sail from port into the sunset then so be it.

[Garcon1986]

ZA Dater you clearly don't have what you want, which is a caring loving girlfriend/ wife. This isn't lord of the Rings where you have to watch Frodo climb onto the boat and go away.

 

 

I will ask you again why are you stuck in a rut and insist on being stuck there? If you can be happy stuck in a rut that's great. But based on what you told me, you don't want to be in a rut.