Giving up on dating is an act of self-preservation

[WomenWubber]

Does any of those interests align with your line of work? (don't post if you don't want to, just so you ponder this yourself)

 

I mean looking at that list, I would take a guess and say you are a politician.

[Garcon1986]

Do you immediately pick the more controversial topics to discuss first? Does a discussion with you sound like a presidential debate or like a congenial occasion?

 

 

Have you considered leaving your company for the same profession, different country?

[preraph]

So I know many people who reinvented themselves, and are now genuine.

f.

 

All the best people have reinvented themselves. Life is about adapting to your environment and socially, not stubbornly standing stuck in the mud wondering why life doesn't come to you. Nobody wants to be stuck in the mud with you.

[JuneL]

Do you immediately pick the more controversial topics to discuss first? Does a discussion with you sound like a presidential debate or like a congenial occasion?

 

 

Have you considered leaving your company for the same profession, different country?

 

I know you meant well, like many of us who have made the effort to participate actively in one or more of his threads. You should know by now that any possible suggestion has been mentioned, likely by multiple people, repeatedly. At the end of the day, ZA Dater just enjoys talking about the same $hit over and over again. It’s interesting he’s always been able to find someone new to indulge him in his pity party; never mind he has to hijack someone else’s thread sometimes, for this purpose. I sometimes suspect if he has written an app to post his posts, as there’s lots of repetitions and the logics is always circular and convoluted.

[Normm]

never mind he has to hijack someone else’s thread sometimes, for this purpose. .

 

 

That's because ZA's own threads get repeatedly closed by the moderators. They don't want to hear it anymore either.

[sabaton]

]Life is about adapting to your environment and socially' date='[/b'][/i] not stubbornly standing stuck in the mud wondering why life doesn't come to you. Nobody wants to be stuck in the mud with you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Life is about pursuing what you want, even if it takes moving to a new place, changing yourself, if need be, to get what you want, because not all of us are born to be the next King of England.

[ZA Dater]

Does any of those interests align with your line of work? (don't post if you don't want to, just so you ponder this yourself)

 

I mean looking at that list, I would take a guess and say you are a politician.

 

 

Corporate finance and property development.

 

 

I like different things I can appreciate someone who teaches, someone who is an au pair. It doesn't matter at all so long as the person is passionate about what they do and has some purpose in life.

 

 

Simply put I just don't find people generally who add some sort of value, I am happy to discuss anything on dates but people don't do it, instead its the same topics over and over again. Its hugely refreshing to encounter someone who does things differently, for example someone involved in tourism, marketing, creative type industries, I have found these people are more outgoing, have more to say.

[ZA Dater]

Do you immediately pick the more controversial topics to discuss first? Does a discussion with you sound like a presidential debate or like a congenial occasion?

 

 

Have you considered leaving your company for the same profession, different country?

 

 

 

Not particularly interested in leaving SA. I can be light hearted or try to be, I try to show positive body language, I try to make dates laugh so its not all serious. I always try take an interest in the person and sure I have been guilty of the job interview type date but I do try and avoid that.

 

 

I just don't get much of an indication that these people like me, the one however who had too much wine had me sit next to me and started kissing me, I suspect wine had this effect rather than any particular attraction I might have had. Date two was planned but never happened and mostly I liked her a lot because there was more about I liked than disliked.

 

 

Its just I never know where it goes wrong and I don't get much of an indication when it goes right either so dates tend to be a chore for me rather than something I get to excited about.

[ZA Dater]

Life is about pursuing what you want, even if it takes moving to a new place, changing yourself, if need be, to get what you want, because not all of us are born to be the next King of England.

 

 

 

I agree and believe in that mantra completely but dating doesn't really work like that, you can pursue as much as you like but if the person doesn't like you they don't like you. Its not like a project you can work, make a mistake learn and get the project right after time.

 

 

There isn't much learning to be had in rejection, none in fact at all because no constructive critique is given.

 

 

Probably I should point out I am the most stubborn person most people seem to know....

 

 

I can accept where things go wrong but what is more difficult to accept is that I cannot even get date 2, I have never had two dates, ok I did once but she brought her friend so it hardly counted as a date.

 

 

The way I see it I might as well just do the friend zone thing and make the most of that even though its not ultimately what I want. Its also better than nothing or wasting time on aimless dates which go nowhere.

 

 

Look I am not ideal there is a lot wrong with me, too serious, not funny, not fun but I also know I am a good person despite those things so I'll keep looking for what I like, if I find it great, if not I can rest easy in the fact I tried. After all that's all we can do in life: try.

[Chilli]

My companies are based here and operations are based here.

 

I am simply wanting perhaps a dozen date's, just someone I like show interest in me. I just wonder what that is like.

 

Interests

Politics

World affairs

History

Cars

Debating

Exotic places

Nice food

Writing

 

See someone will get along to tell me about meet up. Where all I find are misfits like me.

 

 

 

Well there ya go ya see this is great because it rules out a lot of wasting time.

Like pubs and clubs, not all that likely you find people with these sort of interests, forget those.

Date sites, she'd talk about her interests so you'll get an idea straight off the bat if she's into any of this.

You'd probably get along well with people like my sisters , they're into all that kinda stuff and are educated up to their eyeballs .

 

You'd do things and places, events, clubs, that attract l dunno , spose you'd say intellectual type thinkers just for example.

 

Another thing is we do all as people are saying , sometimes have to make changes but that doesn't mean changing who we are .

like l smoke obviously l have to give it up.

l was staying home too much so l started making a point of getting out and about more, even if just over to one of the other towns for lunch, or out somewhere at least once on the wkend.

You work too much stop that shyt , smell the roses, enjoy life a bit too.

Don't forget the saying and it's true all work and no play just makes Jack or Jill a very dull boy and girl.

From memory you don't drink but do yourself a favor, just skull a class or two before you go in, just to loosen yourself up a bit, you def' have a tensing up thing, that'll kill anything.

My brother does't drink but he found out he does like Stout so he'd have a few of those, lightened him right up.

 

Just a few examples but you know , ya gotta look in the right places for things or do what you always do you just get what you always got.

[Normm]

I am simply wanting perhaps a dozen date's, just someone I like show interest in me. I just wonder what that is like.

 

Interests

Politics

World affairs

History

Cars

Debating

Exotic places

Nice food

Writing

 

 

If nothing else it's a good start. It certainly beats

 

 

I'm ugly, even I think so

People that interest me aren't interested in me

I can't date unattractive women even though attractive women aren't attracted to me

I want to date only women at least 8 years younger than myself

I never get second dates

I hardly ever get first dates

Girls don't date guys who don't drink alcohol

Dating coaches and therapists don't work even though I never tried

People don't interest me

People aren't interested in what I say

I challenge people on dates but they can't handle it

I try humor on my dates but they don't get it

I like K but she has a boyfriend

I'm a failure

Girls block on the dating sites all the time

I don't care if I ever date

I don't wallow

Edited October 31, 2018 by Normm

[elaine567]

From memory you don't drink but do yourself a favor, just skull a class or two before you go in, just to loosen yourself up a bit, you def' have a tensing up thing, that'll kill anything.

My brother does't drink but he found out he does like Stout so he'd have a few of those, lightened him right up.

 

I agree.

 

Alcohol is not called Dutch courage for nothing.

It is the perfect social lubricant and without it's help in speaking to women and in general socialising, I guess so many men would be sitting alone every night too.

 

No-one is suggesting drinking to excess and drowning sorrows every night in a pint glass or a bottle of spirits, but "lightening" up is exactly what he needs. Getting rid of a few inhibitions would do him the world of good.

It is another early rite of passage, that has passed him by and he is now too scared to let himself ever be out of complete control.

 

But we have suggested this before and ZA Dater apparently remains rigidly against it.

[sabaton]

Alcohol is not called Dutch courage for nothing.

It is the perfect social lubricant and without it's help in speaking to women and in general socialising, I guess so many men would be sitting alone every night too.

 

 

Another side effect of alcohol consumption is that it makes women horny, and it makes them lower their standards, or many men wouldn't get laid to begin with. Someone tipsy, but not outright drunk of course, is someone ZA should consider talking to at the bar or at the nightclub.

[JuneL]

Another side effect of alcohol consumption is that it makes women horny, and it makes them lower their standards, or many men wouldn't get laid to begin with. Someone tipsy, but not outright drunk of course, is someone ZA should consider talking to at the bar or at the nightclub.

 

Unfortunately, he has made clear that he doesn’t know how to get physical with a woman, even if she is so tipsy to mistake him for Brad Pitt.

[elaine567]

Another side effect of alcohol consumption is that it makes women horny, and it makes them lower their standards, or many men wouldn't get laid to begin with. Someone tipsy, but not outright drunk of course, is someone ZA should consider talking to at the bar or at the nightclub.

 

 

ZA Dater doesn't tend to go to bars and nightclubs...

[WomenWubber]

So how do you cultivate those interests? What do you do for fun? Anything that involves or you can share with other people?

 

Maybe having a couple drinks is not your thing and I don't think you need it (thuogh it could help), but you gotta have something that makes you feel like you're high cocaine or something. Instead of dating, since you are pretty much burnt out on that, maybe try indulging yourself in your passion and be open to meeting women that way?

[sabaton]

ZA Dater doesn't tend to go to bars and nightclubs...

 

 

Does ZA do anything to try to get laid/get a girlfriend or does he just complain about not being born to look like Sean O'Pry?

[Normm]

Unfortunately, he has made clear that he doesn’t know how to get physical with a woman, even if she is so tipsy to mistake him for Brad Pitt.

 

 

I remember that episode! Think it was midway through season 6? ZA was out with a drunk chick that kept trying to kiss him. This was the first and only time in his entire life he had an opportunity literally in his lap. Inexplicably he pushed her away or something. Maybe she didn't pass one of his challenges? I think that was the time I cringed so hard I strained a neck muscle and realized he's beyond help.

 

 

Does ZA do anything to try to get laid/get a girlfriend or does he just complain about not being born to look like Sean O'Pry?

 

 

We've got a winner. Choose any stuffed animal from the middle shelf. Keep it or hold onto it and trade for larger prizes.

[sabaton]

I remember that episode! Think it was midway through season 6? ZA was out with a drunk chick that kept trying to kiss him. This was the first and only time in his entire life he had an opportunity literally in his lap. Inexplicably he pushed her away or something. Maybe she didn't pass one of his challenges? I think that was the time I cringed so hard I strained a neck muscle and realized he's beyond help.We've got a winner. Choose any stuffed animal from the middle shelf. Keep it or hold onto it and trade for larger prizes.

 

 

 

 

I have a feeling that maybe ZA DATER is more interested in being a self-percieved victim to his genetics, than he is in dating women. If he's 34 and is still a virgin he's really not going to bother himself that much with losing it.

[elaine567]

Does ZA do anything to try to get laid/get a girlfriend or does he just complain about not being born to look like Sean O'Pry?

 

 

I have no idea what he looks like, maybe he does look like Sean O'Pry.

[sabaton]

I have no idea what he looks like, maybe he does look like Sean O'Pry.

 

 

haha, now, now, I'm sure ZA DATER is just being hard on himself, when he claims to being ugly or whatever he blames to be the reason why he isn't getting a girlfriend - but ain't no way there are men on this forum, or online, really who look like this.

 

 

https://media1.popsugar-assets.com/files/thumbor/XtjW57S6HztQQ3TTvIo01kVkx2k/fit-in/1024x1024/filters:format_auto-!!-:strip_icc-!!-/2014/12/05/911/n/1922398/dc3330df7e8ce42c_Screen_Shot_2014-12-05_at_12.23.34_PM/i/Sean-OPry.png

 

 

https://photos.smugmug.com/V/VIKTOR/Spicebomb/i-WXVSwCt/0/29c5e90d/L/VIKTOR%20%26%20ROLF%20Spicebomb%202012%20Andorra%20%27The%20new%20explosive%20fragrance%27-L.jpg

 

 

That's a 28 year old man who makes over 10 million dollars a year from walking down a catwalk wearing speedos.

 

 

In my entire lifetime I have ever only met 2 men who were close to matching his level of attractiveness. One was a college classmate of mine who slept with more than 50 girls in his first college year, and who basically used college as a launching platform to meet girls and I used him to be introduced to a world of models and actors and actresses, and the other guy was a guy I randomy stood next to inside a subway train and marvelled at how physically perfect he was, at how crisp his clothes and manicure were, and how no one could stop looking at him.

[5x5]

 

My companies are based here and operations are based here.

 

I am simply wanting perhaps a dozen date's, just someone I like show interest in me. I just wonder what that is like.

 

Interests

Politics

World affairs

History

Cars

Debating

Exotic places

Nice food

Writing

 

See someone will get along to tell me about meet up. Where all I find are misfits like me.

 

Well there ya go ya see this is great because it rules out a lot of wasting time.

Like pubs and clubs, not all that likely you find people with these sort of interests, forget those.

 

In my experience as a former intelligence professional, and a guy who is and has been friends with some politicians (including a minister) and activists. Plus published authors, artists, legal professionals and academics.

 

I've found that plenty of women who are seriously into politics, world affairs, writing, history, debating, exotic places and all that. Are often quite comfortable drinking alcohol. While they have no problem drinking hard, dancing, partying while frequenting pubs and nightclubs especially in their twenties through thirties while not at work.

 

I know this because I have drunk, danced partied and got with such women, when I worked in the media and was in Intelligence. While I was in my twenties and thirties. I also found that such women were often highly sexed, highly professional and ambitious. Yet they liked to blow off steam hard, when not at the coal face of working on critically important things.

 

They also were not shrinking violets and were loathe to talk shop to people who weren't part of their professional world. So when out they wanted to have fun, laugh and get it on, without talking about the very real world they worked in.

 

So you will find plenty of them in pubs and nightclubs. That said starting off wanting to talk about boring world affairs, politics and the like. Is hardly going to enamour them in the first instance, when looking for a sexual relationship.

 

Generally if one wants a chance with women like that, they would do well to lose the wallflower schtick.

Edited November 1, 2018 by 5x5

[ZA Dater]

I agree.

 

Alcohol is not called Dutch courage for nothing.

It is the perfect social lubricant and without it's help in speaking to women and in general socialising, I guess so many men would be sitting alone every night too.

 

No-one is suggesting drinking to excess and drowning sorrows every night in a pint glass or a bottle of spirits, but "lightening" up is exactly what he needs. Getting rid of a few inhibitions would do him the world of good.

It is another early rite of passage, that has passed him by and he is now too scared to let himself ever be out of complete control.

 

But we have suggested this before and ZA Dater apparently remains rigidly against it.

 

 

Alcohol does not interest me at all in any context because unfortunately I have seen its destructive ability and on that basis alone I wont touch it. I just find it unfortunate the society has made drinking an apparent integral part of apparently socialising. When you think about it what is the sense in it if people need to drink in order to apparently have fun?

 

 

Again I think guys who give up don't conform so its easier to just give up than live with trying and being seen as some sort of alien.

[ZA Dater]

So how do you cultivate those interests? What do you do for fun? Anything that involves or you can share with other people?

 

Maybe having a couple drinks is not your thing and I don't think you need it (thuogh it could help), but you gotta have something that makes you feel like you're high cocaine or something. Instead of dating, since you are pretty much burnt out on that, maybe try indulging yourself in your passion and be open to meeting women that way?

 

 

Well sure I arrange lunches and dinner at nice scenic places but the level of women I would need to take to such events is as hard to find as someone I would actually want to date.

 

 

Sure I review a nice car ever so often but no women have ever been interested in that either. I simply cannot fathom what interest women full stop if I am honest.

 

 

For me the best feeling is to complete a project, write a good article, accomplish something, those are the things I like and those are the things which motivate me. Arranging a great event which people enjoy, that's also very nice.

 

 

I just feel every date I go on I am judged for not being like everyone else, when I explain what I like I get the strangest of looks from these people. However to be fair this is all very appealing to miss I am divorced with one kid and the father is absent or to miss I made the wrong career choice and here is an opportunity to sample a different sort of life.

 

 

Its very tough to find the right sort of person, I am constantly debating the dating versus trying to find someone to gave fun with but then I remember...I am not fun!

[ZA Dater]

Does ZA do anything to try to get laid/get a girlfriend or does he just complain about not being born to look like Sean O'Pry?

 

 

 

I have been on various OLD platforms for over 10 years...does that count? I even went to clubs for a while, I even went to bars, suffice to say I enjoyed neither place but at least I got to see the sort of guy ladies apparently find completely attractive so it wasn't a complete waste of time.

 

 

I then went on a makeover, I have always been slim so decided to work out more to build muscle tone, which was quite rewarding to do. I try to be less shy and a bit more outgoing but mostly I just work because every time I go out I get reminded I am not the sort of guy people actually want.

 

 

Seldom I'll get a match that does look appealing, chat, maybe meet up but then it does not work either, there is always something that doesn't work or something they don't like.

 

 

I wear the fact I don't fit in on my sleeve which I guess is a major turn off, I don't ever try to fit in because when I did it just made me unhappy.

 

 

Thanks to someone on this forum I'll smile at people every so often but I guess my resting face makes me look fierce when this isn't the case.