Upstairsaterics Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 I hope I’m in the right place. I’ve been having an EA with a colleague for 4 months now. He is a MM and I’m a MW. I’d like it to be physical and he keeps promising it will be but so far it hasn’t been. It is taking over my life and I’m an absolute mess because of it. I think about nothing other than this every waking hour. He regularly blocks me online and he tells me this is for our own safety as his phone is often available to his family. I never ever message him first. A few days ago he left work early looking very poorly. I heard whispers about him being unwell but can’t ask so as not to raise suspicion. I was blocked for 2 full days then yesterday he unblocked me, put a status on about being hooked up to a heart monitor, I sent a message saying ‘are you ok?’ He read it then blocked me again. I can’t sleep or eat for worrying. I need to know he’s ok. He’s been off sick since. I guess I’m asking 2 questions. I feel it was cruel to unblock me, update then block me again without letting me know what the situation is, am I right? I’m not very good at game playing. Secondly, how can I stop this from taking over my life? My obsession with it is unhealthy and it’s affecting my health. Thank you for reading. Link to post Share on other sites
Guildford Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 Leave your AP alone. He is in extremely poor health, and he desperately needs his wife. It would be disaster for him if his wife found out about you now. If she wanted to bail on her husband now, you would be providing her with the public justification for leaving him. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 Probably the guilt from engaging with you has caused this man heart problems and this is why he is blocking you - for his health. He is trying to get you to get the message that he doesn't want to be physical with you. The way you are pursuing this man for sex is harassment and I'd be careful if I were you before someone brings a suit. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 (edited) For all you know OP, you were not the only woman he has engaged with in the office... Perhaps, he got caught and he was asked to leave. For whatever the reason, physical health or any other reason, I think you need to accept the fact that this “relationship” is done. Perhaps your time would be better spent with a counsellor to figure out what is wrong in your marriage that you would engage in a very inappropriate relationship at work and why you have been obsessive about the whole thing. Edited October 12, 2018 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 (edited) Secondly, how can I stop this from taking over my life? My obsession with it is unhealthy and it’s affecting my health. Thank you for reading. OP, what’s your end game? What do you ultimately want to see happen? Mr. Lucky Edited October 12, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator rude Link to post Share on other sites
SouthernIslander Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 The MM is blocking you because he is making his wife not finding out a priority or escalating this to a PA because he shouldn't be doing this in the first place. I agree that this isn't healthy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
brigit87 Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 (edited) <SNIP> I guess I’m asking 2 questions. I feel it was cruel to unblock me, update then block me again without letting me know what the situation is, am I right? I’m not very good at game playing. Secondly, how can I stop this from taking over my life? My obsession with it is unhealthy and it’s affecting my health. He's not being cruel. He's trying to get rid of you. He still likes you but obviously it's not healthy for him. His body might be reacting to the stress of infidelity. Leave him alone. Get a divorce. Get into therapy. Edited October 13, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Bittersweetie Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 Two questions: 1. Why are you continuing to choose to obsess when it's affecting your health? 2. Where is your husband in all of this? Where is your family? Link to post Share on other sites
misspalmy Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 he block you cos his wife could be looking in his ph. its only way they can get away with it. do you think he could be faking being sick Link to post Share on other sites
Tristian Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 Folks, this thread was correctly placed in the infidelity area so we will assume the OP is aware she is married and is clear of the dynamics of her relationship. For your reference, the questions asked were... I guess I’m asking 2 questions. I feel it was cruel to unblock me, update then block me again without letting me know what the situation is, am I right? I’m not very good at game playing. Secondly, how can I stop this from taking over my life? My obsession with it is unhealthy and it’s affecting my health. Anything else will be considered off topic. If you notice your reply edited or missing that means your doing it wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 You need to get away from this situation as it is driving you over the edge and may be literally killing him. Block block block block, talk to a therapist or someone else who can listen to you unload and then redirect your energies elsewhere, request reassignment at work in order to avoid contact with him if possible. His actions were not cruel, he was trying to let you know what was going on without engaging with you. However, even that is apparently too dangerous for you. You need to have no contact at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bittersweetie Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 I asked a couple of questions upthread and thought maybe I should explain myself a little more. I was a MW who had an A. It was mostly EA and I was obsessed too. Even after my MM ghosted me, I was obsessed, I kept reaching out, and after many months he responded (after being dumped by his OOW and wife, good times). It was then that the A went physical. Then he ghosted me again and I STILL was obsessed. The obsession didn't abate until I had a d-day. You claim to be obsessed with this other guy at the expense of your health. The amount of mental energy you are wasting on this guy is also at the expense of your husband, your family (which is why I asked where they were in the equation). Why are you doing that to yourself? Why are you obsessed? What are you avoiding? What do you not want to face? Because when I look back at the sheer amount of energy I wasted on xMM, it's mind boggling. I can see that I didn't want to face issues in my marriage, issues with my self esteem, didn't want to see how selfish and self-centered I was being. So I focused on XMM at the expense of my own personal integrity and self-respect. Your MM sounds like he is having health problems. So like other PP mentioned, it's time for you to step off. Turn that mental energy inward to learn why you walked down this path. It is NOT a healthy or happy path. Do you really want to be the kind of person who lies and cheats? The kind of person who disrespects others? You are being given a chance to stop and change direction. Think about where you want to go from here. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sarahhurts Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 I asked a couple of questions upthread and thought maybe I should explain myself a little more. I was a MW who had an A. It was mostly EA and I was obsessed too. Even after my MM ghosted me, I was obsessed, I kept reaching out, and after many months he responded (after being dumped by his OOW and wife, good times). It was then that the A went physical. Then he ghosted me again and I STILL was obsessed. The obsession didn't abate until I had a d-day. You claim to be obsessed with this other guy at the expense of your health. The amount of mental energy you are wasting on this guy is also at the expense of your husband, your family (which is why I asked where they were in the equation). Why are you doing that to yourself? Why are you obsessed? What are you avoiding? What do you not want to face? Because when I look back at the sheer amount of energy I wasted on xMM, it's mind boggling. I can see that I didn't want to face issues in my marriage, issues with my self esteem, didn't want to see how selfish and self-centered I was being. So I focused on XMM at the expense of my own personal integrity and self-respect. Your MM sounds like he is having health problems. So like other PP mentioned, it's time for you to step off. Turn that mental energy inward to learn why you walked down this path. It is NOT a healthy or happy path. Do you really want to be the kind of person who lies and cheats? The kind of person who disrespects others? You are being given a chance to stop and change direction. Think about where you want to go from here. Good luck. Very well written... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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