ElKay Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 As I was reading and lurking on the forum, a question came up. So often we see these threads about someone complaining or asking about whoever their interest or dating partner is. Some are so immature or have bad attitudes, so the people on the forum say to the OP to cut their losses and leave the relationship. I tend to have an optimistic view on life in general, but it doesn't seem to always work for humans. People don't really change or at least they can't seem to change significantly. What happens to all of these messed up people that we say are bad and that the poster should leave them? Do they end up just dating someone as bad as them? Is it just compatibility which makes some of them such horrible partners at that time? Do they end up single with occasional dates here and there? I'm very curious what happens to them. Your thoughts? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 they move on with their lives (assuming they are smart) Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 Reality for an individual is what they perceive. Billions of individuals, billions of perceptions, billions of realities. Love and attraction are often confounding and confusing emotions. They aren't a computer program. Most people live their lives and die. Most people have relationships of some sort at some time in life, even those you or I might feel, emphasize feel, are undateable. The opinions expressed on these forums are but a microscopic speck on the breadth of humanity. In the big picture, nothing. They're also anonymous, so there's zero accountability. To the extent such opinions provide food for thought and consideration, perhaps there's value there. Each person takes away what they choose. Myself, I've been with women I wouldn't date with my enemy's life but guys still fall all over them. Mean, calculating, alcoholics, mentally ill, you name it. Guys, some guys, love that squishy place and they'll get and stay stupid over it, though they'd whack another guy for similar behaviors. That's the hypocrisy of life and love. Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 What happens to all of these messed up people that we say are bad and that the poster should leave them? LS doesn't decide who are 'bad.' If you aren't religious, judges and jury's decide if a person shouldn't be around the general public. If you are religious, then you go by the Bible and understand that only God can make that call. People don't necessarily follow through in their personal lives as they do in giving advice. I agree with Carhill that posting is but a snippet of a person's reality; day to day life. Hardly enough information to say with any validity whether a person is 'bad' or 'good' and entirely not enough information to value our own projections and 'feelings' about a situation. However, such is the stuff of anonymous advice forums. Some women and men are sincerely confused how to proceed and the advice of people from around the world is very helpful. Advice online should always be filtered with the understanding that the advice is not professional and not unbiased. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 What happens to them? They go online and having short relationships lasting less than a year. OLD provides unlimited opportunities for new dates. They can do this for 50 years. There are also dating sites for seniors. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ElKay Posted October 13, 2018 Author Share Posted October 13, 2018 What happens to them? They go online and having short relationships lasting less than a year. OLD provides unlimited opportunities for new dates. They can do this for 50 years. There are also dating sites for seniors. That makes sense! That was something I was thinking about. LS doesn't decide who are 'bad.' If you aren't religious, judges and jury's decide if a person shouldn't be around the general public. If you are religious, then you go by the Bible and understand that only God can make that call. People don't necessarily follow through in their personal lives as they do in giving advice. I agree with Carhill that posting is but a snippet of a person's reality; day to day life. Hardly enough information to say with any validity whether a person is 'bad' or 'good' and entirely not enough information to value our own projections and 'feelings' about a situation. However, such is the stuff of anonymous advice forums. So, say someone is posting that their spouse is physically abusive... And beats them every day. Would we still not be allowed to judge that person as "bad"? I know that many situations aren't black and white, but some show a pretty clear picture of abuse unless the poster is lying. I was mainly thinking of more clear cut cases, not cases where the poster is most likely having communication problems or where we barely get any information about the situation. Do abusers eventually settle down with someone who will take it or learn to not "provoke" their anger somehow? Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 (edited) ..as far as undateable goes...i feel undateable right now...am i bad all the time.nah..but i have made some hot mess of choices.....and i have paid for it...in full.... im actually a really good dater...i date however....hardly ever..... where do undateable people go....hopefully to reflect on poor choices....to work on themselves...to be with people who love them.... no matter what another's perception of them is....and if they hurt another ...i hope they find true remorse in their hearts...sometimes true remorse and understanding.....takes a long time to find...and a lot of inner exploration...... mAYBE they all congregate together.....and hum....hhhmmm i think i would like to hum now.....:0)...so ima hummin off.......deb Edited October 13, 2018 by todreaminblue Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 Real "abusers" are often pretty adept at finding another "victim". Abusers and victims tend to find each other. Sometimes the relationship itself is an explosive mix. Like any other "issue", some will sort themselves out, some will continue as is and some will go down a very dark path. There is no such thing as Karma, so whilst some may want abusers to live in hell forever it doesn't often happen that way. Some are married, living well and are successful in our community... Link to post Share on other sites
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