These relationships

[Ginger10]

I am the OW and mostly happy in my relationship with him but...I get moments of sadness when the times we get to spend together are a few hrs once,twice a wk. I understand we have restraints in these relationships. I would like to know how some of you deal with the time restraints?

I guess I'm starting to feel like this is just about the stolen moments& the sex. A few hrs and poof it's over until next time, which could be another wk or a bit longer.

[BaileyB]

I guess I'm starting to feel like this is just about the stolen moments& the sex. A few hrs and poof it's over until next time, which could be another wk or a bit longer.

 

Isn't that exactly what happens in an affair. He is otherwise engaged, with his wife and his family, with his job and his friends... A few stole the hours, secretly hidden away from family and friends, is all you can ever expect as an OW. If you are not happy with that, you should look for someone who has the ability to give you more...

[Chassit]

Hmmm, as a betrayed husband I have a really hard time finding any sympathy.

[somanymistakes]

Hmmm, as a betrayed husband I have a really hard time finding any sympathy.

 

Then why post in this section?

[Chassit]

I started reading this sub-forum looking for insight and trying to gain some understanding. I have not posted on any thread I have read in here before this one and I only responded because how blown away by the OP's apparent lack of even a basic understanding of what any other person in her little love triangle is experiencing.

 

If the kind of relationship she wants is how she describes it then she needs to go find her own man and quit trying to steal someone else's.

[Phoenix1113]

To the OP I in the same boat as you, however I am also a MW having an EA/PA with a MM. I totally understand what you mean, my AP lives in another state and we see each other about once a month mostly through work engagements. The time we’re together sometimes feels magical but it’s mixed with anxiety because I know I will miss him and anticipate the next experience. I think it’s hard for a relationship to progress when you can’t spend more time together and have to live in secret. It ultimately comes down to making difficult choices and if the MM thinks you’re the one he wants to be with he will have to decide. At some point you have to give him an ultimatum, it has to be when you are ready to end the relationship because if not, and you stay after he does not choose you, you have lost all power in the relationship and he’ll never leave his wife. It’s a matter of timing, when you’re close and feel like he needs you.

[metamorphasing]

It can be hard OP. I ebb and flow depending on my own emotional attachment to MM and the situation. I have been with my MM around 5 months now.. and I guess I just need to remember he does has a family he is committed too, and as well as work, and even his own time. He contacts me outside of our in person time, so that helps.. but the weekends, or Sat usually are the hardest.

 

Chassit.. I empathise where you are coming from in your post. But while the BW isn't obviously aware what is happening, the OP MM still chooses to make a choice to be with her.. you can't 'steal' someone who doesn't want to engage in that type of relationship/affair etc.

 

I have been on your side too.. too many times to count. I was in an open marriage at the time my EMR started and very upfront. I don't think things are black and white. I also know this doesn't make you feel any less hurt, or angry.. and it shouldn't. You need to feel whatever it is you need to (if that makes sense) I guess you have said you are reading the forums to understand why.. the mindsets.. etc.. It isn't malicious.. it isn't always intentional.. people catch feelings.. some fall in love, some lust/limerence.. deceit doesn't excuse, but we don't always know the reasons why some people go outside a marriage/relationship. I'm sorry you experienced what you have. I hope you find the closure you need.. without it.. its a long journey.