Candid202 Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 My partner had an affair with another woman ( she didn’t know about me as he also lied to her however we were together first). After over a year of malnipulating us both, going back and forth after both believing in him again and again and wanting a future with him. He’s now in a Relationship with this woman but still continues to communicate with me on and off in secret. He has recently told me that the reason for his behaviour is due to him being as abandoned by his father as a baby. He says he never dealt with that pain and now he’s reconnecting with his father to try and understand it all. I can’t help but think this is all just an excuse to excuse his manipulative behaviour and for him to forgive himeself. making everyone around him feel sorry for him even though I’m the one that was put through hell and back and continued to stand by him. Is this a genuine reason? Should I fee sorry for him like everyone else seems to? Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 I would tell him you wish him well in healing old wounds and then have no further contact with him ever again. Whether it's true or not, he lied to you and hurt you. Forgiving is up to you, would probably be helpful to YOU actually if you choose to, but up to you. I wouldn't call it "excusing" him though, nothing excuses bad behavior, it just provides possible explanation. Link to post Share on other sites
Doorstopper Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 His statement has been processed to discover the true meaning: Abandoned by father so he treats women poorly, because he never dealt with the pain.......... abandoned by father so he's an ass ......He's an ass. BTW, He's still an ass because he's talking to you behind the back of his current girlfriend. Here's the thing. If you continue to talk to him and let's say he breaks up the other girl and decides he wants to be with you; Do you see a future in that? There isn't one. Be happy this happened now, without the complications of marriage and/or kids. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 He’s now in a Relationship with this woman but still continues to communicate with me on and off in secret. He has recently told me that the reason for his behaviour is due to him being as abandoned by his father as a baby. He says he never dealt with that pain and now he’s reconnecting with his father to try and understand it all. Really, your post says very little about him and an awful lot about you. Continued involvement with a man that cheated, left you and now wants to secretly talk to you is desperate, needy and self-destructive. One would have to assume you deserve better that than this unfaithful scumbag, hoping you soon realize that on your own... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 It's entirely your decision whether you believe him or whether you see this as an excuse for poor behavior. Not to negate the importance of a father in a child's life.... But, I will say this... I'm sure there are plenty of men in this world who have not had the influence of a father in their lives and still manage to behave in a morally responsible and considerate way toward others. Mr. lucky has a good point however. What does it say about your character that you have stayed involved with him and allowed him to hide your presence in his other relationship? Why in the world are you allowing this man to go back and forth between you and this other woman? He chose the other woman - what does he have to do to get you to walk away from him for good? Link to post Share on other sites
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