CPD1 Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 How long does a guy wait for a woman? It’s been 2 years of words and promises but she’s still with her husband while I’m now divorced and waiting patiently,,, but she maintains she will leave and we’ll be together eventually. Words,words but no action,,, should I move on and forget even though I love that woman? Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 Yes. If she wanted to be divorced, she would be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CPD1 Posted October 13, 2018 Author Share Posted October 13, 2018 Yes. If she wanted to be divorced, she would be. Honestly I agree with you,,, but how can I move on when I see her through work almost every day,, we talk daily,, this has been hard and will get harder! Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 It is really tough if you have to see her every day, I have only had to deal with occasionally running into him and that's tough enough. Try to minimize how much you have to see her and only talk, if necessary, about work. Let her know you can't do this anymore and when she is divorced to let you know and you'll reconsider then, if you are available. It's really hard, I won't lie. But she has no motivation to end her marriage if she gets to keep things as they are and still have you. And it's impacting your mental and physical health, whether you realize it or not. Love yourself - cliche, but necessary if you want to be happy and move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CPD1 Posted October 14, 2018 Author Share Posted October 14, 2018 I don’t know how to simply walk away from a woman I truly love,,, she claims she does too, she claims she’ll leave and we’ll be together,,, why would someone say things like that if they don’t mean it? How do I walk away knowing I made the right decision? Also regarding the work issue, this woman is also my assistant on many projects( she’s indespensible ) ,,,the moment I’m close to her I feel this immense attraction and a flood of feelings overwhelms me,,, I just can’t see how I can bring myself to work with her or without her?? Please help me!!! Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 What advice are you looking for exactly? It's been two years. Two years and she hasn't left her husband... If she hasn't left him by now, especially considering that you have made yourself "available," it's doubtful she ever will. This is a perfect example of why you should never get involved with someone at work. It makes for messy personal and professional issues when the relationship ends. Finding My Way gave you good advice about trying to distance yourself from this woman. If you are not able to deal with seeing her at work, you may need to consider looking for a new job. Sorry, not much sympathy here. As my mother used to tell me when I was younger, you made your bed and now you get to lay in it... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CPD1 Posted October 14, 2018 Author Share Posted October 14, 2018 Thanks for the advice BaileyB! I’ve been through hell the last year with ups and downs but I’m at a point where I know I did all I could, I treated that woman like a princess,,,gave her everything I could but she prefers to stay in her unhappy relationship. I do know getting involved with a MW was a mistake which I learned the hard way,,, and yes I made my bed! Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 I made up my mind to wait forever, but then, I clearly hate myself. I wouldn't recommend it. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 If she says she's going to leave and hasn't maybe you need to help her out by exposing the affair to her husband. The big blow up of exposure will force her to make a decision. If she doesn't chose you, then walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CPD1 Posted October 14, 2018 Author Share Posted October 14, 2018 If she says she's going to leave and hasn't maybe you need to help her out by exposing the affair to her husband. The big blow up of exposure will force her to make a decision. If she doesn't chose you, then walk away. You have a great point Stillafool,,, I don’t know how her husband hasn’t found out,, this is a small town and people know,people talk but the husband either doesn’t care or is blind. I totally agree with you that telling him would answer a lot of questions because to this day she behaves like a happy wife in his presence and the poor man has no idea what his wife is doing. A DD would definitely show me where she stands and it would be her opportunity to end her marriage, if she doesn’t it’s going to be easy for me to walk away and my questions would be answered. So I would like advice from ppl if this would be a good idea to tell him,, at this point I have nothing else to lose and I’m running out of options. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 She hasn't made a move because she doesn't want to. Do you really want a woman like that? Forcing her hand by telling her husband gets you an unwilling partner, is that what you want? You need to walk away and leave them to it. You have wasted too much time already. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CPD1 Posted October 14, 2018 Author Share Posted October 14, 2018 She hasn't made a move because she doesn't want to. Do you really want a woman like that? Forcing her hand by telling her husband gets you an unwilling partner, is that what you want? You need to walk away and leave them to it. You have wasted too much time already. Elaine I have tried to walk away but I love that woman and I’m drawn back in the affair every time,, I need closure of the affair,, either her words are true and we’ll be together or she’s playing a game with my feelings and emotions. If she wants to stay married I don’t want to ever get pulled back in the affair because without a DD she’ll be back! Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 Elaine I have tried to walk away but I love that woman and I’m drawn back in the affair every time,, I need closure of the affair,, either her words are true and we’ll be together or she’s playing a game with my feelings and emotions. If she wants to stay married I don’t want to ever get pulled back in the affair because without a DD she’ll be back! Actions speak louder than words, you already know that. Words : she TELLS you she loves you and you will be together Actions: she STAYS in her marriage and is probably telling her husband she loves him too... You may love her, but does she love you? Maybe but probably not in the way you would want her to. If she did you would not be on this forum today. Are there kids involved here? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CPD1 Posted October 14, 2018 Author Share Posted October 14, 2018 Actions speak louder than words, you already know that. Words : she TELLS you she loves you and you will be together Actions: she STAYS in her marriage and is probably telling her husband she loves him too... You may love her, but does she love you? Maybe but probably not in the way you would want her to. If she did you would not be on this forum today. Are there kids involved here? The kids are adults now and on their own Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 I would want to be with a woman who I know, chose to be with me. I would not want to be with her because I told her husband, blew up her world, and she had no other option. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CPD1 Posted October 14, 2018 Author Share Posted October 14, 2018 I would want to be with a woman who I know, chose to be with me. I would not want to be with her because I told her husband, blew up her world, and she had no other option. If I blow up her world it’s guaranteed closure,,, for sure!,,she’s a good looking woman and she has options, I’m not the only guy around here and if she wants someone else it’s her choice but at least I’m out for good because as long as I have feelings for her I’m trapped! Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 (edited) If I blow up her world it’s guaranteed closure,,, for sure!,,she’s a good looking woman and she has options, I’m not the only guy around here and if she wants someone else it’s her choice but at least I’m out for good because as long as I have feelings for her I’m trapped! Well then, I guess the question is - what kind of person do you want to be? Do you want to take the high road, and respect this woman that you say you love enough to respect her decision to stay with her husband and allow her to be happy... Or, are you going to take the low road - to be selfish, vindictive, and hurt the person that you say that you love because you need "closure." My friend, closure is the gift you give yourself. She has made her decision. It's time for you to get over it and move on with your life... Edited October 14, 2018 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CPD1 Posted October 14, 2018 Author Share Posted October 14, 2018 Well then, I guess the question is - what kind of person do you want to be? Do you want to take the high road, and respect this woman that you say you love enough to respect her decision to stay with her husband and allow her to be happy... Or, are you going to take the low road - to be selfish, vindictive, and hurt the person that you say that you love because you need "closure." My friend, closure is the gift you give yourself. She has made her decision. It's time for you to get over it and move on with your life... I’m definitely not the type that wants to hurt anyone,,, if she wants to stay married she should just tell me and not lead me on with unfulfilled promises. As I’m writing this she just texted me Good Morning as we have done for 2 years, told me her plans for today etc,,, why would she do that if she loves her husband? I will respect her decision to repair her marriage if that’s her decision but leading me on is not an option I’m willing to accept anymore,,, Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 I’m definitely not the type that wants to hurt anyone,,, if she wants to stay married she should just tell me and not lead me on with unfulfilled promises. As I’m writing this she just texted me Good Morning as we have done for 2 years, told me her plans for today etc,,, why would she do that if she loves her husband? I will respect her decision to repair her marriage if that’s her decision but leading me on is not an option I’m willing to accept anymore,,, I don't know why she would do that, except - isn't that what you do when you are in an affair? At one point, did you not do the same thing - you were home with your wife, texting your affair partner "good morning." The thing is, you have moved on such that you have left your wife and you want her to be your one and only. While she, has chosen to stay in her marriage and communicate with you on the side. You want and expect different things from this relationship, and from each other. If you don't want her to lead you on then tell her to go away. It's your decision, not hers. If you want closure, than take it. I'm sorry, it doesn't seem like your plan that she will leave her marriage to be with you is an option anymore... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CPD1 Posted October 14, 2018 Author Share Posted October 14, 2018 I don't know why she would do that, except - isn't that what you do when you are in an affair? At one point, did you not do the same thing - you were home with your wife, texting your affair partner "good morning." The thing is, you have moved on such that you have left your wife and you want her to be your one and only. While she, has chosen to stay in her marriage and communicate with you on the side. You want and expect different things from this relationship, and from each other. If you don't want her to lead you on then tell her to go away. It's your decision, not hers. If you want closure, than take it. I'm sorry, it doesn't seem like your plan that she will leave her marriage to be with you is an option anymore... Honestly I know her marriage is dead for her,,, him on the other hand thinks it’s great,,,she swears 100% that she’ll leave and I do believe her,,,she has every right to do whatever she wants but she doesn’t have a right to lead me on Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 I’m definitely not the type that wants to hurt anyone,,, if she wants to stay married she should just tell me and not lead me on with unfulfilled promises. As I’m writing this she just texted me Good Morning as we have done for 2 years, told me her plans for today etc,,, why would she do that if she loves her husband? I will respect her decision to repair her marriage if that’s her decision but leading me on is not an option I’m willing to accept anymore,,, She does it because she can. It is a huge ego trip having a two men in tow. Also, when people end up in this situation, it is usually because one person isn't enough. One person fulfils some needs but not them all and the other person fills in the gaps. I guess if she could cut you both down the middle and make a new person with the halves she would do. She is not moving as she knows you are not the full package for her, if she thought that, she would have left in an instant. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 You have to accept that her actions ARE telling you what she wants. She wants to stay married. She also wants to keep you on the side, so she says what she needs to keep you hanging on. And you let her. I've been there. Trust me - get out and move on. Like Bailey said, if you love her and if you have any self respect you won't blow up her world by telling her husband to get "closure". That's sinking to a whole new level of low. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 "she doesn’t have a right to lead me on" She's only leading you on because you let her. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 Honestly I know her marriage is dead for her,,, him on the other hand thinks it’s great,,,she has every right to do whatever she wants but she doesn’t have a right to lead me on With all due respect, consider the source of your information. First, we know that she lies because she is lying to her husband. Second, she has a vested interest in making you believe that her marriage is dead, and she loves you and wants to leave her marriage. Whatever the truth of the situation, it does not matter because she has clearly chosen to stay in the marriage. And finally, food for thought - nobody can treat you badly without your consent. She doesn't have the right to lead you on... But, she does it because, you allow it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 I'm curious, what makes you think she had a bad marriage? You called him a poor man earlier but said she acts like a happy wife around him at least when you can see but you have no idea what goes on in private. In reality she may never have planned to leave her husband, just wanted a little fun, used you to make her job 'indispensable' was the word I think you used (so good luck getting rid of her if you're her boss) and is now just spinning you along. I'm betting she never really expected you to leave your wife.was she encouraging about this or did she try and persuade you to stay with your wife? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts