Waiting 2 years

[CPD1]

I'm surprised people here are telling you to just walk away. When women come here involved with MM we tell them to tell the wife. Well I'm telling you to tell her "poor" husband because he deserves to know he is being cheated on and to make the decision if he still wants her or not. Why should he be left with a cheater who will cheat again if OP walks away. Yes, tell the husband and make her back up her lies and if she doesn't, walk away.

 

As much as I believe that telling the husband is the most effective way of knowing where everyone stands I will not do that,,, she’ll come on her own because she wants to and not because she has to.

[CPD1]

Hi CPD1. Your story is identical to mine except I was the OW in my situation. I wasted 6 years of back and forth with my MM waiting for him to leave his marriage. He would leave his marriage, then go running back when overhelmed with his emotions. He did this 3 times! Leaving, then going back! And all the while, he begged me to wait, told me he loved me more than he's loved anyone else, that I was his best friend, he's miserable in his marriage..blah, blah, blah. The problem is, like you, I loved him dearly and couldn't bring myself to end it.

 

And we also work together, which makes it so much more difficult to get over.

 

My advice...get out while you can. Don't waste years like I did. I'm now 50 years old and feel like I've completely wasted the best years of my life pining for a guy that I could never have.

 

Your MW is never going to leave her husband unless he leaves her or she becomes a widow. And you don't want to wait that long.

 

I have read many similar stories like ours Superluminal and seeing some waste 4-6 years literally makes me sick and I like you at 50 I have no intentions of waiting years but guess what I did 2 years and it went by so fast,,, I certainly don’t want to be here in another 2 years,,, I will walk away I just don’t know when exactly yet but it’s coming

[BTDT2012]

I know I will fail like I did every time I tried to walk away because I love that woman,, and I know she does too,, I may walk away but she won’t, she’ll be there reaching out to me and I won’t have the strength to resist!

How could it come to this I sure will never understand,, the future was so promising and now,,,,, nothing!

 

 

On some level, her marriage meets her needs. Why would she upset a comfortable life for you, when she can have you as a sidepiece. And if you are her superior at work, you could be opening yourself up for harassment charges.

 

 

For you own sanity, end it.

[CPD1]

On some level, her marriage meets her needs. Why would she upset a comfortable life for you, when she can have you as a sidepiece. And if you are her superior at work, you could be opening yourself up for harassment charges.

 

 

For you own sanity, end it

 

Although we have a lot of contact through work we are not for the same organization therefore there’s no harassment issues,,, And if she thinks I’m a side piece she’ll be in for a surprise

[brigit87]

I have read many similar stories like ours Superluminal and seeing some waste 4-6 years literally makes me sick and I like you at 50 I have no intentions of waiting years but guess what I did 2 years and it went by so fast,,, I certainly don’t want to be here in another 2 years,,, I will walk away I just don’t know when exactly yet but it’s coming

 

That seems to be the best choice.

[CPD1]

I saw my MW today,, it had been 3 days of not seeing each other but we still communicate many times a day. I tried to talk to her and hoped to hear something positive but all I got was she’s stressed out, lots on her mind, her kid at home, a husband that she doesn’t love and bla bla bla but she didn’t say anything about leaving,,, and she got a bit upset at me too because apparently I don’t understand her situation.

So nothing changed, no answers really,,, but after she left she sent me a text that she loves me!

Edited October 16, 2018 by CPD1
Spelling

[elaine567]

I saw my MW today,, it had been 3 days of not seeing each other but we still communicate many times a day. I tried to talk to her and hoped to hear something positive but all I got was she’s stressed out, lots on her mind, her kid at home, a husband that she doesn’t love and bla bla bla but she didn’t say anything about leaving,,, and she got a bit upset at me too because apparently I don’t understand her situation.

So nothing changed, no answers really,,, but after she left she sent me a text that she loves me!

I am sure she felt so much better, she got it all off her chest...

[FMW]

And if she thinks I’m a side piece she’ll be in for a surprise

 

I hope you mean that.

[CPD1]

She’ll probably end up leaving her husband but it’s not happening for at least 6 months because her kid is living there,,, I’m not interested in waiting 6 months,,, probably more like a year,,, I absolutely hate letting her go but again I never had her.

[CPD1]

Findingmyway,,, I did ask her today if I was just a side piece to her,,,, she said she wouldn’t be around if that’s what she wants from me,,, because our sex life hasen’t been the same the last 6 months,although amazing every time it’s been quite sporadic!

[Amethyst68]

I'm sorry to be blunt but you are a side piece and have been one for the past 2 years.

 

This board would not be shy about pointing this out if you were female so I'm not sure why you get a pass.

 

Anyway, the question is how much longer you're prepared to be one. You've indicated that you have some kind of plan at least in formulation so here's hoping you mean that.

[CPD1]

I'm sorry to be blunt but you are a side piece and have been one for the past 2 years.

 

This board would not be shy about pointing this out if you were female so I'm not sure why you get a pass.

 

Anyway, the question is how much longer you're prepared to be one. You've indicated that you have some kind of plan at least in formulation so here's hoping you mean that.

 

 

I certainly hope that’s not what I am or was all along but I think earlier on she had true intentions but it faded away,, I do know she’s not happy where she is it but although she portrays herself as strong she’s not,,she’s a weak individual who prefers to lie, live a double life and deceive those who care most for her!

[brigit87]

lots on her mind, her kid at home, a husband that she doesn’t love and bla bla bla but she didn’t say anything about leaving,,, and she got a bit upset at me too because apparently I don’t understand her situation.

So nothing changed, no answers really,,, but after she left she sent me a text that she loves me!

 

LOL

 

She doesn't love you. She loves having you around to make her feel good about herself. And if you're willing to hang out and listen to her problems she'll tell you them. Free therapy.

[brigit87]

she’s a weak individual who prefers to lie, live a double life and deceive those who care most for her!

 

Then walk away. Nobody is forcing you to interact with this woman. I promise you this...if you leave you'll be replaced soon enough. Affairs are a silly waste of time.

[elaine567]

I certainly hope that’s not what I am or was all along but I think earlier on she had true intentions but it faded away,, I do know she’s not happy where she is it but although she portrays herself as strong she’s not,,she’s a weak individual who prefers to lie, live a double life and deceive those who care most for her!

 

 

That is your ego talking

 

Ego IMO plays a big part in how people get involved in affairs.

"I am of so much better quality than his dowdy, miserable wife or her downbeat, boring husband, so of course he/she will pick me..."

[CPD1]

You guys are really not giving me much hope!! Lol,,,, if everything I’m being told here is true I would hope she’d have the decency to woman up and let me go find someone that is real and serious and about having a relationship. I just can’t wait for someone who’s not committing.

[BaileyB]

You guys are really not giving me much hope!! Lol,,,, if everything I’m being told here is true I would hope she’d have the decency to woman up and let me go find someone that is real and serious and about having a relationship. I just can’t wait for someone who’s not committing.

 

I'm not saying this to be unkind, but I will be blunt...

 

You are responsible for your own destiny, not her. As such, I think you need to man up and make your own decisions, take responsibility for your own life, and tell this woman it is over because you are not interested in wasting your time in a relationship that is going nowhere when you could be dating a woman who loves you and is serious about committing to having the kind of relationship you want to have in your life.

 

It is a weak man who sits back, complaining about a woman and waiting for her to take control of a situation and make his decisions for him... (Sorry, just blunt honesty - intended to get you to see the ridiculousness of your own behavior).

[CPD1]

I'm not saying this to be unkind, but I will be blunt...

 

You are responsible for your own destiny, not her. As such, I think you need to man up and make your own decisions, take responsibility for your own life, and tell this woman it is over because you are not interested in wasting your time in a relationship that is going nowhere when you could be dating a woman who loves you and is serious about committing to having the kind of relationship you want to have in your life.

 

It is a weak man who sits back, complaining about a woman and waiting for her to take control of a situation and make his decisions for him... (Sorry, just blunt honesty - intended to get you to see the ridiculousness of your own behavior).

 

I know I’m being ridiculous but I’ve invested so much in this relationship I hate to throw it all away simply because she’s in fact the weaker one,, part of my family and many friends know we had plans to be together,,, I did everything right other than get involved with a MW but on her part all she did is keep me a big secret. I’m not desperate by any means because I do know I’m a good catch!!

[elaine567]

I know I’m being ridiculous but I’ve invested so much in this relationship I hate to throw it all away simply because she’s in fact the weaker one,, part of my family and many friends know we had plans to be together,,, I did everything right other than get involved with a MW but on her part all she did is keep me a big secret. I’m not desperate by any means because I do know I’m a good catch!!

 

"The Sunk Cost Fallacy.

The Misconception: You make rational decisions based on the future value of objects, investments and experiences.

The Truth: Your decisions are tainted by the emotional investments you accumulate, and the more you invest in something the harder it becomes to abandon it."

[CPD1]

"The Sunk Cost Fallacy.

The Misconception: You make rational decisions based on the future value of objects, investments and experiences.

The Truth: Your decisions are tainted by the emotional investments you accumulate, and the more you invest in something the harder it becomes to abandon it."

 

The funny thing is I’m not an idiot, I started with nothing, I built a successful business by hard work and good decisions. Throughout my life I never made decisions without finding out the facts first and making sure things would work out but this love affair really got me,, probably the worst decision I made in my life but it’s also something I had never got involved into before, but like everything else I’ve had to deal with before I will not give up until it’s done and complete and when I do shut the door and walk away,,, it will be called “The End”

[Chica80]

You guys are really not giving me much hope!! Lol,,,, if everything I’m being told here is true I would hope she’d have the decency to woman up and let me go find someone that is real and serious and about having a relationship. I just can’t wait for someone who’s not committing.

 

You would think this.... But no.

 

MM would tell me I deserved more. That he knew he couldn't give me what I needed.

So occasionally I would date others. When I did he would always turn up the extra.

Gifts, time.

 

They say one thing but their actions are something else.

 

I get the feeling of but I've invested so much...how much more of you and your time do you want to invest though?

[CPD1]

You would think this.... But no.

 

MM would tell me I deserved more. That he knew he couldn't give me what I needed.

So occasionally I would date others. When I did he would always turn up the extra.

Gifts, time.

 

They say one thing but their actions are something else.

 

I get the feeling of but I've invested so much...how much more of you and your time do you want to invest though?

 

 

I don’t want to invest anymore into this than I have already done,,, it’s her turn to do something,,, either she comes or she goes but I don’t want to walk away with doubts in my mind,,, when I go I will be confident that my MW was just a fake and I’ll be able to see right through her and not fall for her games when she’ll come back,,, because she WILL!!

[CPD1]

This woman may not realize it but I always had good intentions for her but she broke me to pieces and turned me into a weak, unconfidant and mentally destroyed man but I do know I am past that point,,, I’m getting stronger and look at actions and reality instead of listening to unfulfilled words.

So I’m getting there,, a step at a time, a day at a time,,still a glimmer of hope but like every project I’ve undertaken I will finish it down to the last nail!!!

[Superluminal]

You would think this.... But no.

 

MM would tell me I deserved more. That he knew he couldn't give me what I needed.

So occasionally I would date others. When I did he would always turn up the extra.

Gifts, time.

 

They say one thing but their actions are something else.

 

I get the feeling of but I've invested so much...how much more of you and your time do you want to invest though?

 

My exMM did the same thing. When he was trying to reconcile with his wife and found out that I was dating someone else, he came running back with professions of love and more promises of leaving. But alas, it was all smoke and mirrors. Again.

 

WHY? Why do they do this??? What's going on in their heads?

 

CPD1...I held on for 6 years because it took me that long to realize that he's never going to leave. Some would have come to that realization earlier while others would have held on longer. Even though everyone on this forum is telling you she'll never leave (and she won't), I can appreciate that you need to "feel" that decision in your own way and in your own time.

 

And when you do decide you're ready to give her the boot, you'll still have days of regret. So be prepared and have an action plan for those "bad" days.

[brigit87]

I did everything right other than get involved with a MW but on her part all she did is keep me a big secret. I’m not desperate by any means because I do know I’m a good catch!!

 

You took a gamble. She said she would leave. But all she did was stay and keep you on the side as a naughty secret. Maybe she entertained leaving when her husband got angry at her. IDK.

 

If you're a good catch then throw yourself into the single pool. Even if this woman does leave her husband she probably won't stay with you too long. She'll use you to transition into a single lifestyle and then she'll probably date around a bit. If you want her for yourself then that probably won't happen for a long time if ever.