spinningpiggies Posted September 9, 2005 Share Posted September 9, 2005 Okay, this one is complicated. Please bear with me. There is this guy named Sam that I worked with and had classes with at school (we're in grad school). I met him when I tried to set him up with a friend. The setup didn't work and I discovered that we had a lot in common. But I had a boyfriend, Ryan...soon afterwards, Sam had a girlfriend. Well, me and Sam always flirt with each other. We tease each other mercilessly, which has always irritated Ryan and Sam's girlfriend...Sam's girlfriend always acts very cold toward me and has mentioned to him that he gravitates toward me too much. Well, people at work started to catch on. It even got so bad that my friends staged an intervention...telling me that me and Sam have something great and that if I don't pursue it, I'll live to regret it (this is while I was dating Ryan, who had a notoriously bad temper). Meanwhile, Ryan has been dropping hints to friends that he is only with this girl (Sally, I'll call her) because he's lonely. Not coming right out and saying it, but... Well, things with me and Ryan spiraled out of control. I had to call the cops one night to get him out of my apartment because his temper flared up and he was cussing at me and my best friend. Sam insisted to me that I call him the next time anything like this happens and to call him before he calls the cops. Well, I'm getting to a point. A little while after this happened, he met up with me and some friends at a dance club. He had been drinking a little bit, which was obvious when the first thing he did was kiss me on the cheek in front of everyone and wrap his arm around my waist. We went out on the dance floor and he began dancing with me. Well, with our faces in front of each other it didn't take long before we began kissing. It was great!! Then suddenly he pulls back, saying he thinks he made a mistake. I tell him that if he's uncomfortable, I can leave. He says no, then kisses me again. During this time, he is not taking his eyes off of mine. He keeps kissing me again and again and again, telling me he's sorry, he has to leave. I tell him at the least I can walk him out. He grabs my hand and squeezes it tight. Right before he left, he told me he was sorry again and gave me a deep kiss. Fast forward a couple of days. He finally calls back, saying that he had wanted to call sooner--and had picked up the phone--but was too embarassed to call me. He was scared that I had thought he was "a perv". He kept telling me to call him if everyone goes out this weekend, but he'd call me next week if no one went out and kept apologizing for acting like a perv. What is your slant on this, dear posters? Keep in mind that right now I have no idea if Sally is still in the picture or what the hell is going on. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted September 9, 2005 Share Posted September 9, 2005 Was Sam drinking when this happened? (Never mind just re read that... he had been drinking) I don't know.. in so many ways it sound that Sam kissed you, knew what he was doing wasn't okay (cheating on his GF) Finally leaves the bar not wanting things to go further and then felt dumb later about what had happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spinningpiggies Posted September 9, 2005 Author Share Posted September 9, 2005 So, you're saying there probably aren't feelings there? Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted September 9, 2005 Share Posted September 9, 2005 So, you're saying there probably aren't feelings there? Not saying there aren't feelings there, I'm saying IMO he feels dumb about what happened. Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted September 10, 2005 Share Posted September 10, 2005 I dunno spinningpiggies, which one of these would you prefer to hear.. 1. Sam's capable of cheating (yeah, I think he's still with his g/f) 2. Sam's got feelings for you (duh..) 3. Ryan may one day use his hands on ya instead of just cussing 4. You wish Sam were your b/f. Tough situation to be in, girl. It's always easy to dispense advice when you're someone on the outside of things. But, here goes.. break up with Ryan. All the red flags should've been up a long time ago when you realized that he's got all the potential to get violent. I don't understand why some girls have the tendency to get into an abusive relationship. As for Sam, me thinks he's not that decent And he's tryin' to see how far he can push you. If you give him half a chance, he'll wanna get in your pants. I dunno, this is just my take of the situation. It's your call.. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted September 12, 2005 Share Posted September 12, 2005 I feel like Sam is deeply attracted to you and likes you VERY much. I also think your bf and you should make some ease of seperation because his bad temper can be very painful to you in the physical sense someday. I think Sam is just being himself and showing you that he wants you. He has a girl though and needs to be a gentlemen and end that before he goes kissing you anymore. That part is not nice to her or you or your current hot tempered bf. I would clear my head. Let Sam get his life straight. If you are meant to be together it will happen. PS: Sam seems hot for you ! He seems passionate....so its seems rather interesting to see the outcome here. Please DO post ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author spinningpiggies Posted September 12, 2005 Author Share Posted September 12, 2005 Here's an update: I didn't mean to confuse posters...me and Ryan broke up a week before the kissing incident occured. I had the cops remove him from my apartment a day before the incident occured. Right now, I'm trying to keep anything that may be between me and Sam from coming to Ryan's attention because he was very jealous of Sam while we were dating and I'm afraid he might try to start something. I want to protect Sam from all of this. I called Sam last night to come hang out with everyone...he sounded really excited...he wanted to avoid the place where we all went the night of the kissing incident, because he still feels like he made an ass of himself there. He has apologized for the kissing many many times...he said that he never wanted to make a spectacle of us (that's one of the things that attracted me to Sam in the first place...he's a very private, very quiet person until he gets to know you). And he's still scared that I think he's a perv. I want to tell him to shut up, that the kiss was great and I enjoyed it and he wasn't being a perv, but I've clamed up every single time we've talk. (see, I'm quite shy when it comes to matters like this)...I don't know if Sally is still around... Link to post Share on other sites
Gold Pile Posted September 14, 2005 Share Posted September 14, 2005 when you were dating Ryan it wasn't right to flirt with another man. None the less, he had to go because of his temper. Now you are free, you like Sam and he likes you. Find out about his GF, if she's gone, you have a green light. If she's still there, then you have a decision to make. You and Sam did heavy flirting while "commited" to others. You're both down at the same level, a perfect match. Link to post Share on other sites
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