hornetsmad Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 Sunday, 14th October, 2018, 15.38 I'm sitting on the bus going back from work. The traffic is terrible. I want more than anything to message you, to tell you exactly how I feel and to beg for you to come back to me. I want to tell you that I forgive you for everything that you did and plead with you to give us another chance. I won't and I can't do that though because you said we needed time apart without speaking to one another. You said you need time to yourself away from guys and to think about what you really want. So here I am, respecting your wishes and not telling you how I really feel. It's so hard to want to speak to one person more than anyone else but knowing that you can't talk to them. I'm not going to lie I'm doing this because I hope and pray that you are telling the truth about ending it with him, and that ultimately you will decide that you want us to be together again. Last night was the first night in over two years that we didn't speak. I tried to sleep early so that I wouldn't be waiting for the phone to ring but I still turned the sound on my phone because I was hoping to get a call from you. When I woke up at 1.00am I had so many awful thoughts going around my head about the reason you never called. I imagined you with someone else and it was hard to get back to sleep. I know the only chance we have of being successful as a couple again is if I am able to trust you 100% so for now I've put those thoughts to the back of my mind and tried to get on with my day. You then called me at 11.40 which made me feel like you still care about me and you told me you didn't go anywhere last night when I asked you. I know I shouldn't have asked you and pretend like I don't care where or what you do now but I'm not strong enough to do that yet. I'm not calling or messaging you because I hope that I've already made my feelings clear to you and that I'm willing to work on our relationship and even accept some of the blame for you cheating. You told me honestly that if it was the other way you would have broken up with me immediately but I guess I'm not strong enough to do that. Being together yesterday still felt good and when I look in your eyes I don't see anger anymore. I only feel love and admittedly sadness and regret that we have found ourselves in this situation. Yesterday you even kissed me before I left and thanked me for coming to see you. Maybe they were just "breadcrumbs" but to stay strong I need to believe that it was a sign that you still want to be with me. Until then I'm going to give you the time to think about what you really want like you requested and to work on improving myself. I don't have work tomorrow and I know you're off to but I realise its too soon to see each other again yet and we need time to get our heads straight. I'm terrified that you're going to move on completely during this period apart or realise for sure that it's not me you want anymore... I'm at my bus stop now so I'm going to go now. I know this isn't a normal post guys and girls but I needed to get it out. Any comments or questions are welcome please. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Blinksy Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 I feel you man... I've been cheated by my ex gf recently and as much as I hate her for doing this I still love her with all my heart. I couldn't take her back in any way possible but I still love her. I cant wait for that day when I can say I dont have a single feeling for her. I'm dreaming too about her beign with her new man and that just rips my soul apart. We gotta stay strong! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hornetsmad Posted October 16, 2018 Author Share Posted October 16, 2018 Thank you Blinksy. It helps to know that there are others going through this. I do still want her back though. Monday 15th October 2018, 19.50 Next time I'm missing you I'm going to try to remember tonight when I called and you complained about your phone bill and went back on what you said last week when you said you just needed time to think. Tonight you said you only call me every day to check I'm getting stronger. You reminded me that you haven't given me any hope and you were burping loudly on the phone and seemed generally disinterested and irritated when I started to cry. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 16, 2018 Share Posted October 16, 2018 It's not your fault she cheated! That was solely her choice. It may be partially your fault that the relationship got so bad it eventually failed but an honorable person would have broken up with you not cheated. Understand that she is not an ethical trustworthy person & never will be. Be strong. This is the worst part, the initial shock, the abrupt change from talking every day to not talking. When she says she needs "space" after you learned of her infidelity, she is LYING to you. She is only saying that to soften the blow & not come right out & say she is breaking up with you. On top of all her other sins she is a poor communicator too. Now she is being callous. She is not calling to check that you are growing stronger. She is calling to make sure you are still emotionally dependent on her because knowing she still wields power over you is a thrill & ego boost for her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hornetsmad Posted October 24, 2018 Author Share Posted October 24, 2018 Wednesday 24th October 2018, 14.50 After two weeks of trying not to contact you but you calling or texting to "check if I'm OK" yesterday I finally had to tell you not to contact me anymore. Now I feel like you are the only person that I want to be with and the only person that can make me happy but you can't be there in the way I want you to be there. We can't go back to how we were before so I have to try to live without you in my life. I can't sit waiting for you to call me and wondering where you are thinking that just by not calling you I'm getting stronger. It won't help me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hornetsmad Posted October 25, 2018 Author Share Posted October 25, 2018 Thank you for your comment d0nnivain. I know in my heart what she did was wrong but I can't see past my feelings yet. Thursday 25th October, 2018 8.43am I'm back at day one again just a day after starting no contact. You called me last night and asked if I could lend you money to get to working today because you forgot your purse at work. I intended to just give you the money and walk away from the door but you asked me in. You started crying and asking if I was going to meet someone else. You asked if you realised that nobody could love you more than I did at a later stage could you come back to me and would I take you back. You asked me to stay with you one last night and pretend to be happy. This morning I had to walk away again. I asked you not to contact me for any reason unless you're sure you want us to try again. Nothing has changed. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 No contact is up to you not her. You are the only one that can keep yourself in this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 Sunday, 14th October, 2018, 15.38 I'm sitting on the bus going back from work. The traffic is terrible. I want more than anything to message you, to tell you exactly how I feel and to beg for you to come back to me. I want to tell you that I forgive you for everything that you did and plead with you to give us another chance. I won't and I can't do that though because you said we needed time apart without speaking to one another. You said you need time to yourself away from guys and to think about what you really want. So here I am, respecting your wishes and not telling you how I really feel. It's so hard to want to speak to one person more than anyone else but knowing that you can't talk to them. I'm not going to lie I'm doing this because I hope and pray that you are telling the truth about ending it with him, and that ultimately you will decide that you want us to be together again. this is to make time and space for her other man.With you conviently out of the way Last night was the first night in over two years that we didn't speak. I tried to sleep early so that I wouldn't be waiting for the phone to ring but I still turned the sound on my phone because I was hoping to get a call from you. When I woke up at 1.00am I had so many awful thoughts going around my head about the reason you never called. I imagined you with someone else and it was hard to get back to sleep. I know the only chance we have of being successful as a couple again is if I am able to trust you 100% so for now I've put those thoughts to the back of my mind and tried to get on with my day. You then called me at 11.40 which made me feel like you still care about me and you told me you didn't go anywhere last night when I asked you. I know I shouldn't have asked you and pretend like I don't care where or what you do now but I'm not strong enough to do that yet. I'm not calling or messaging you because I hope that I've already made my feelings clear to you and that I'm willing to work on our relationship and even accept some of the blame for you cheating. You told me honestly that if it was the other way you would have broken up with me immediately but I guess I'm not strong enough to do that. Being together yesterday still felt good and when I look in your eyes I don't see anger anymore. I only feel love and admittedly sadness and regret that we have found ourselves in this situation. Yesterday you even kissed me before I left and thanked me for coming to see you. Maybe they were just "breadcrumbs" but to stay strong I need to believe that it was a sign that you still want to be with me. Until then I'm going to give you the time to think about what you really want like you requested and to work on improving myself. I don't have work tomorrow and I know you're off to but I realise its too soon to see each other again yet and we need time to get our heads straight. I'm terrified that you're going to move on completely during this period apart or realise for sure that it's not me you want anymore... I'm at my bus stop now so I'm going to go now. I know this isn't a normal post guys and girls but I needed to get it out. Any comments or questions are welcome please. Thanks. Better wake up !!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 You called me last night and asked if I could lend you money to get to working today because you forgot your purse at work. I intended to just give you the money and walk away from the door but you asked me in. She cheated on you. You went no contact to preserve your sanity. She needed money. You went to her place and gave it to her. Then you stayed over and had sex with her. Is that right? This needs to stop. Its insane. It's no better than putting a bullet in your head. If you let her, she's going to kill you. Slowly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hornetsmad Posted October 25, 2018 Author Share Posted October 25, 2018 I didn't have sex with her or try to initiate anything and neither did she. I know it can't happen again though. I need to be stronger even if she calls again. Thank you everyone for your comments. I really intended to just give her the small amount of money and walk away but she asked me to go in and started crying. It's hard to walk away from someone you love when they are like that, on the floor crying. Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 It's hard to walk away from someone you love when they are like that, on the floor crying. Perhaps it would help if you picture her sucking her affair partners penis. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 Jeez, why can't I get a guy to be this crazy about me? Link to post Share on other sites
AShatteredHeart Posted November 12, 2018 Share Posted November 12, 2018 Sunday, 14th October, 2018, 15.38 I'm sitting on the bus going back from work. The traffic is terrible. I want more than anything to message you, to tell you exactly how I feel and to beg for you to come back to me. I want to tell you that I forgive you for everything that you did and plead with you to give us another chance. I won't and I can't do that though because you said we needed time apart without speaking to one another. You said you need time to yourself away from guys and to think about what you really want. So here I am, respecting your wishes and not telling you how I really feel. It's so hard to want to speak to one person more than anyone else but knowing that you can't talk to them. I'm not going to lie I'm doing this because I hope and pray that you are telling the truth about ending it with him, and that ultimately you will decide that you want us to be together again. Last night was the first night in over two years that we didn't speak. I tried to sleep early so that I wouldn't be waiting for the phone to ring but I still turned the sound on my phone because I was hoping to get a call from you. When I woke up at 1.00am I had so many awful thoughts going around my head about the reason you never called. I imagined you with someone else and it was hard to get back to sleep. I know the only chance we have of being successful as a couple again is if I am able to trust you 100% so for now I've put those thoughts to the back of my mind and tried to get on with my day. You then called me at 11.40 which made me feel like you still care about me and you told me you didn't go anywhere last night when I asked you. I know I shouldn't have asked you and pretend like I don't care where or what you do now but I'm not strong enough to do that yet. I'm not calling or messaging you because I hope that I've already made my feelings clear to you and that I'm willing to work on our relationship and even accept some of the blame for you cheating. You told me honestly that if it was the other way you would have broken up with me immediately but I guess I'm not strong enough to do that. Being together yesterday still felt good and when I look in your eyes I don't see anger anymore. I only feel love and admittedly sadness and regret that we have found ourselves in this situation. Yesterday you even kissed me before I left and thanked me for coming to see you. Maybe they were just "breadcrumbs" but to stay strong I need to believe that it was a sign that you still want to be with me. Until then I'm going to give you the time to think about what you really want like you requested and to work on improving myself. I don't have work tomorrow and I know you're off to but I realise its too soon to see each other again yet and we need time to get our heads straight. I'm terrified that you're going to move on completely during this period apart or realise for sure that it's not me you want anymore... I'm at my bus stop now so I'm going to go now. I know this isn't a normal post guys and girls but I needed to get it out. Any comments or questions are welcome please. Thanks. I feel sad when reading this, stay stronghornetsmad! I know this is really hard for you 'cause you love her. Love hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
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