Is it ghosting to just not reply on OLD?

[nospam99]

Soliciting opinions here. I was reading a thread this morning where an LSer (female I think) was concerned that she was being ghosted. It got me to thinking ... (yeah, made my head hurt). I like to think of myself as being a 'decent' enough human being that I don't do things to people I don't like when they're done to me. And it seems a lot of 'us' agree that ghosting is just ... rather cruel. But what is ghosting? What I admit I do is never reply to unsolicited OLD messages from women who I had not previously contacted and who I don't want to meet. On the other side of the coin, most of my unsolicited messages don't get replies. But my opinion question is 'Is that ghosting'? Thinking it through, I find myself of the opinion (at this moment) that ghosting only occurs if there has been a two-way exchange of some kind of communication and one party ignores the last message from the other without any explanation. With that definition, a no response to an unsolicited message doesn't 'qualify' as ghosting, again my current opinion. What do y'all think?

[FMW]

I'm not involved with OLD, but no, not responding to someone you have had no previous contact with is not ghosting.

 

To me, ghosting is disappearing, either slowly or suddenly, after establishing regular contact.

[shydad]

And it seems a lot of 'us' agree that ghosting is just ... rather cruel.

Hi nospam99, viewpoints seem really mixed here. I was surprised by how many people are ok with it. See postings about "closure". At present, I strongly disagree with ghosting.

 

ghosting only occurs if there has been a two-way exchange of some kind of communication and one party ignores the last message from the other without any explanation. With that definition, a no response to an unsolicited message doesn't 'qualify' as ghosting, again my current opinion. What do y'all think?

Yes, I agree with both of these points, as to their definitions. I'm curious though, do you get "real" unsolicited messages? By "real" I mean something well written, and not "hi" (literally, that's the message).

[basil67]

I think ghosting is an issue when you've met more than a couple of times. If you haven't met yet? Then it's foolish to be sufficiently emotionally invested at this point to care.

[nospam99]

I'm curious though, do you get ''real'' unsolicited messages? By ''real'' I mean something well written, and not ''hi'' (literally, that's the message).

 

Yes, I get 'real' unsolicited messages. They make me feel guilty not to respond and sad for the women. I am only 'moderately' physically active: I scramble (hands and feet) rather than climb (ropes, helmets, and pitons) rocks. I do ballroom dancing but nowhere near the Dancing With the Stars routines. I won't bore you with more examples. So one of the things I'm looking for in a woman is 'keeping up with me' rather than sedentary. Sedentary people ONLY watch: TV, movies, theater, concerts. They shop, go to flea markets, do their sight-seeing from the seats of their cars. I want to be sexually attracted to my hoped for future partner so I also have no interest in overweight women or those who 'look' older than my 90 y/o mom. Fortunately there are plenty of women out there whose profiles sound like they'd be my matches. I've even met some.

 

However I get a small number of real, well written (often fairly long), unsolicited messages from women who I can only, sadly, describe as 'fat couch-potatoes' (a tautology?). I can only guess that these women are reversing the gender roles in the 'game' by being the ones reaching out because they are not attracting male attention. Like I said, I feel sorry for them and, as a human being, guilty for not 'lending a helping hand'. But I've long since realized that I'm not going to 'save the world' in this or any other life and I'm not altruistic enough to be a 'grandmother rescuer'. So I don't respond.