Friend to Girlfriend

[Anor123]

I am 17 and I have a best female friend whom I'll refer to as N. N and I have been friends for about a year and bit now, and we meet up almost every day and just talk. She always lightens up my day and I truly love her, and I know she feels the same. About 6 months ago I began having feelings for her and a desire o take our relationship to the next level. She had a boyfriend at the time and I thought it wouldn't be too serious, it"ll end and then something will happen between the two of is. It turns out she was with him for like 5 months, and every time she talked about him or they were together i really hurt me. I also had a girlfriend for a while, but once N was single I subconsciously began to fade away and eventually broke up with my gf.

 

So now it's a month ago, I'm single and N is single. We're together everyday and I think a relationship would be great but I am self conscious and think she isn't attracted to me, because we have this thing where we call each other disgusting creatures - and she says things like the last man she'll ever be with is me - but these sayings are with humor. Still, it makes me think she isn't attracted to me.

 

Then something happened, we were drunk at my place with a couple other friends and things got quite sexual. It's important to state that we did not kiss, but our physical contact got sexual none the less. I was so happy because it made me think that she is attracted to me, hence we might be together. Then, I slept over at her house and it happened again, yet again we were drunk and we did not kiss.

Eventually I told her we need to talk about it but she said that in her eyes we were just horny and it means nothing.

 

Now I'm stuck. I love her and want to be with her, with a slight amount of fear of ending our friendship. But in my eyes, we should be a couple. The problem is I don't know what N thinks, and I have reason to believe that she only thinks of me as a friend. I don't know if it's because she fears to lose me or because she really is repulsed by me, either way I'm kinda stuck.

 

What do I do?!

 

If I tell her how I feel, I love her and want us to be together, I might startle her. If she truly isn't attracted to me it will hurt me, I believe eventually I'll get over it but our friendship won't be the same. I'll lose the most important thing for me in the world - her. But, yet again, keeping this feeling inside as I listen to her talk about men is slowly killing me.

I could also ask a friend to talk to her and plant the idea of me as a bf in her head, or I could simply try and kiss her, I really don't know.

 

I don't want to lose what I have with N but at the same time I want more with her. What do I do?

[Garcon1986]

Congratulations on getting her fairly comfortable with you Anor123, and welcome to LS. If you want to jump head on into the world of dating, you've gotta sign on the bottom line and accept the risk of when you profess your love for someone, they don't necessarily have to share the same feelings. It seems like you do, but it isn't necessarily the case. She could be seeking out friends with benefits. She could be seeking out just friends. Who knows? You have to take the man's role here and move the relationship forward. You should tell her to her face, I would love it if we would become boyfriend and girlfriend. You've been with her enough times. She isn't entirely rejecting you obviously if she enjoys getting physical with you.

Remember you are a young lad, you've got plenty of time, oodles of time, to find another if this doesn't work out. Enjoy the experience to it's fullest, you are already part of the way onto a success story. Smile if you succeed and smile if you get knocked down. You'll make it either way.

[preraph]

If she was attracted to women, seems like she'd have already dated one or had a crush on one. I am assuming it as you initiating whatever this contact was. Because if it was her, I'm certain you'd have jumped on it.

 

She's only 17. She probably won't really know where she falls until she's in her 20s, and it doesn't sound like she's really willing to just take the plunge with you.

 

I will tell you that if it's always been guys she had crushes on, she likes guys. People start having crushes young. Who you crush on is what gender you like or at least like by far the best.