Single life is harder for guys

[DrasticMeasurements]

Why? We get judged more negatively than women for that, whether volunatry or not. Yesterday at work, I had two guys sit close to be talking about topics like music and dating. They looked at me and said “you like em’ twelveteen?” Suggesting that I’m a predator because I’ve been single my whole life due to Asperger’s syndrome at 24. I answered “not at all” and they started being like “oh you like dudes then”. I had to cut them off at this point, much to my anger.

 

My point is, men get assumptions bordering on criminal behavior if they can’t find partners. For women, I think their friends are more emotional when it comes to ending singleness, but they never suggest that her single friend is some antisocial beast for staying solo at a certain age.

 

If it helps, I live in a mostly Hispanic county in South Texas and those same guys saw me with a Cruz flyer and said “Beto, bro”. My response was “I thought you rooted for the winner?” At that period, I felt a little better when I judged them back for supporting a liberal who will lose in Texas and figured that I need to align myself with people who are more socially conservative. After all, virgin shaming isn’t a common thing in Baptist churches. If I lived in places like Upper Dallas or Sugar Land, I wouldn’t get mocked for being a virgin. That’s my plan in the next year, to get the freak out of where I’m living now.

 

P.S. part of the reason why I support Ted Cruz is because I relate to his young life being shy and hated by his roommate and classmates, thinking he might be an Aspie or have autistic traits.

[Garcon1986]

How much do you want to have a date with a caring lady be in your future?

[Simple Logic]

Ted Cruz looks like Eddie Munster and has a crap personality; that is why he was single so long. Don’t be like Ted.

Edited October 14, 2018 by Simple Logic

[arcquapetrarca]

Stopped caring. I plan on teaching special education students history and am focussing on my studies. I talk to one French boy and that is it. Lurking these fora, I see there are many who despise us, simply for existing. I don't care - I am going to avoid everyone but one acquaintance and develop myself in to someone whose purpose is to educate the disadvantaged, not spend my life prowling for boys.

Edited October 14, 2018 by arcquapetrarca

[d0nnivain]

DrasticMeasurements

 

I think the discrimination you are experiencing is more due to your diagnoses then your single status. Just as being an Asspy makes it tough for you to interpret social cues, too many people are very judgmental around that challenge especially if they don't know you have it. People are myopic. They think everybody can do what they do & when they encounter somebody who can't they react badly

 

If you are functioning enough to hold a job, you are functional enough to find love. Hang in there & keep looking.

[Happy Lemming]

Why didn't you report the co-workers to our HR department?? It was completely offensive and bordered on "creating a hostile work environment".

 

Why do your co-workers need to know anything about your personal life??

 

That being said, I did work for one "family-owned" company, when the owners' wife asked me about my marital status, I lied & told her I was divorced (even though I've been happily single all of my life). This seemed to satisfy her and the subject was dropped.

[arcquapetrarca]

DrasticMeasurements

 

I think the discrimination you are experiencing is more due to your diagnoses then your single status. Just as being an Asspy makes it tough for you to interpret social cues, too many people are very judgmental around that challenge especially if they don't know you have it. People are myopic. They think everybody can do what they do & when they encounter somebody who can't they react badly

 

If you are functioning enough to hold a job, you are functional enough to find love. Hang in there & keep looking.

In all fairness, this is a serious condition. I suggest not talking about something you have no expertise in.

 

Autists thrive at individual tasks, but not at social events and this will never change. Like making someone palsic walk - it is cruel.

[snowcones]

I think men in generally don't emotionally support each other in the same way women do to each other when it comes to anything. They just aren't feelings-centered in how they relate to the world and each other. I think this is why you see so many "forever single" guys gathered on the internet. It's a place where guys can talk openly about it and relate to each other.

[basil67]

In all fairness, this is a serious condition. I suggest not talking about something you have no expertise in.

 

Autists thrive at individual tasks, but not at social events and this will never change. Like making someone palsic walk - it is cruel.

 

arcquapetrarca, I hate to bust your so called informed bubble there, but ASD is a spectrum. It's why there's an S in the middle of the acronym. Do not dump all auties in the same basket. And for that matter don't dump all people with CP in the same basket.

 

Some auties can indeed socialise, date and marry. I have aspie friends who've done so. And yes, some auties are at the other end of the spectrum and struggle to connect with others. And others fall in between. Likewise, I've been watching the progress of a young man at my gym who has CP and has been working hard and making great progress in getting out of his chair and walking with a frame. I think he'd be rather horrified to hear you write off his potential like that. Like ASD, CP has degrees of severity.

 

No, an autie may not 'thrive' in a social situation. But neither do introvert or shy NTs. Being able to function socially is what's required.

[Mysterio]

My take is this. I guess if it comes to meeting a woman that I can start a romantic relationship. So far at age 47. It feels like for me, its every 3 yrs or so.

 

I do think Men and Women when it comes to romance are on different playing fields.

 

I think its harder for women to meet a guy and that guy wants to have marriage/kids with.

 

Men asking women on dates. It feels like the women are more resistant to do that. Even though its just an outing and the guy will pay for the meal 90% of the time.

 

For me at this time. Most of the women I like seem to be attached. So unless I try to break up a couple that is already together for a while. I have no datable prospects at the moment.

[Chilli]

People get weird ideas round here.

Wtf would they expect guys to be more of a man with a women in his life?

No clue , is she more or a women with a man in her life ? no clue about that either.

Sounds like just more moaning to me l don't think guys would get judged any differently or worse than women would , if they get judged at all.

Think single women get a lot of assumptions going on actually though.

 

Weirdest thing is , life is a helluva a lot easier without a woman truth be told.

l was married 20yrs and even with us basically being a way above average couple and a very easy going thing, 99% of the hassles and stresses actually came from being married and then life got blown to bits when it didn't work out.

Don't think a lot of single younger people could even fathom what married people go through over 20 or 30yrs. Even just couples go through a lot too to keep it all together.

life is definitely far far easier being single believe it or not .

 

But a few things l did feel and heard little whispers about when l was single ironically were assumptions like, your doing it hard , your all lost without a woman , you need a new good woman to look after you and blah blah blah.

Felt a lot of that going on, even from single women.

 

Weirdest thing was , if only they knew how easy hassle free life was without one, compared.

Actually it kinda all made me wonder many times why we all even bother chasing each other round trying to get paired up in the first place.

Edited October 14, 2018 by Chilli

[Mysterio]

To me. Being single means no physical/verbal affection on a regular basis. Thats it for the most part. So for me. Thats the only thing I don't like about singleness. Other than that. No problem being single.

[littleblackheart]

Why? We get judged more negatively than women for that, whether volunatry or not. Yesterday at work, I had two guys sit close to be talking about topics like music and dating. They looked at me and said “you like em’ twelveteen?” Suggesting that I’m a predator because I’ve been single my whole life due to Asperger’s syndrome at 24. I answered “not at all” and they started being like “oh you like dudes then”. I had to cut them off at this point, much to my anger.

 

My point is, men get assumptions bordering on criminal behavior if they canÂ’t find partners. For women, I think their friends are more emotional when it comes to ending singleness, but they never suggest that her single friend is some antisocial beast for staying solo at a certain age.

 

If it helps, I live in a mostly Hispanic county in South Texas and those same guys saw me with a Cruz flyer and said “Beto, bro”. My response was “I thought you rooted for the winner?” At that period, I felt a little better when I judged them back for supporting a liberal who will lose in Texas and figured that I need to align myself with people who are more socially conservative. After all, virgin shaming isn’t a common thing in Baptist churches. If I lived in places like Upper Dallas or Sugar Land, I wouldn’t get mocked for being a virgin. That’s my plan in the next year, to get the freak out of where I’m living now.

 

P.S. part of the reason why I support Ted Cruz is because I relate to his young life being shy and hated by his roommate and classmates, thinking he might be an Aspie or have autistic traits.

 

In terms of your politics, voting for an end to CHIP and Medicaid means less help for families with ASD children (or adults) so you are in effect voting against your own interests, and you're basing yourself on the assumption that Ted Cruz may have autistic traits - that's one big contradiction to me.

 

The more support ASD people receive, the more knowledgeable the general public, the less stigma there will be around ASD, the more accepted you will feel.

 

I'm an Aspie - divorced, good job, 2 kids that I raise on my own, a social life I'm comfortable with, happy in my skin and much happier single than in a relationship.

 

My 12yo boy is an Aspie - he was voted House Rep at his selective school, is thriving socially (with a lot of hit and miss but he's putting himself out there) and even gets girls' attention.

 

I have 3 ASD friends - one is a hotshot scientist married to an ASD who is a playwright, with 3 kids (1 non-verbal autistic, 1 Aspie, 1 NT). Their lives are complicated, difficult and messy, but they are happy. The third one is a medic and has never been short of male attention. She's currently in a relationship and is a great step-mother to her guy's kids.

 

Our common points = a knowledgeable, supportive, solid network of family and friends, good observational skills, a good grasp on what it means to be ASD for us as individuals and zero complex about it.

 

One caveat = it takes time to know yourself and what makes you tick, and be comfortable with who you are regardless of where you place on the spectrum.

 

Be who you are with your head held high, and don't let the ignorance of others get to you.

[snowboy91]

I think to address the original question - I certainly wouldn't say single life is much harder for guys. Remember girls get from older relatives all of the questions like "when are you getting married?", "why can't you hold down a guy", "when are you having kids", "are you going to be an old cat lady"... and so forth.

 

Let's just take sex/gender out of the equation and say that being single is hard, and people can be awful about it. Some people take a lot longer to want to date.

[hotpotato]

Well, I've been judged in similar ways. People have been asking me since high school if i were a lesbian. Even as a teen, I was single much more often than my female peers.

[carhill]

I think single life is much easier for guys. Unless a Tom Brady cutout, women won't bother one, life is easy and fun to live alone, plenty of jobs/vocations available, lots of people to be friends with if one wants that. TBH, I'd be annoyed if women were always bugging me. I tolerate the married ones that don't seem to get the rules but other than that it's really peaceful. Healthier than ever entering retirement age.

 

Don't worry OP, I got called all kinds of names like four eyed faggot, retard, fatty, you name it when young. I just laugh now, along with a iittle jig now and again on selected gravestones. Living a long and successful life is the best revenge against the cretins of the world, even if solo. I did all that dating, girlfriend, wife stuff too so know that gig as well. It's no panacea.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Well, I've been judged in similar ways. People have been asking me since high school if i were a lesbian. Even as a teen, I was single much more often than my female peers.

 

Same! I was probably single 90% of my adult life where for other women it was the other way around. Most of it was by choice. I have a loner personality, so unless I am utterly blown away, I don’t bother.

 

I’m going to reach spinster-over-40-cat-lady category soon. One of the best things about getting older is that you no longer care what others think. Love my kitty cat

[Chilli]

Funny.

Was thinkin about this thread today at work . meanwhile gf is texting me about all her woman problems and l chuckled to myself thinkin yep life is def' much easier single.

[HiCrunchy]

Try being a single female when literally every other female u know is in a happy relationship. The worst.

[Mysterio]

Here is my life in a nutshell being single.

 

I get to work out/see friends and family/rock concerts/movies with out having to run it by a GF. Thats about it. I don't have physical affection from a woman on a regular basis.

 

I miss the romantic affections from a woman, but other than that. There is nothing I can do about it, until I meet a great woman. So I guess being single. I have more looseness.

 

I would have to be in a new relationship to see what the difference would be being single vs attached. I don't really try to be ovely playful with women or romantic for the most part. So it should be easy.

Edited October 17, 2018 by Mysterio

[DrasticMeasurements]

I hope and pray for a Red Wave in this country. I’ve been mocked for my virginity so long that I’m reach to laugh in the faces of the “tolerant left” when they cry this election night.

 

America will not become like Western Europe where men are treated like trash (except refugees) and marriage is almost dead there. That is hell for guys with Asperger’s. I pray that my fellow spectrumites see the light.

[d0nnivain]

See this is where I don't understand your political choices. The left wants universal health care & tolerance. The far right, your chosen side, wants to end all entitlements & weed out anybody they see as different, including people on the spectrum. If you get the political outcome you advocate, you will end up in a worse position then you are now.

[DrasticMeasurements]

See this is where I don't understand your political choices. The left wants universal health care & tolerance. The far right, your chosen side, wants to end all entitlements & weed out anybody they see as different, including people on the spectrum. If you get the political outcome you advocate, you will end up in a worse position then you are now.

 

I met guys with Asperger’s in church, including a guy who was coached on driving by a mentor until he was 20. He had a girlfriend that he met in church within the beautiful suburbs of Katy, TX. Nice guys are more successful in places that are more conservative. The culture that influenced Elliot Rodger to go haywire and murder innocent people was hard-left. Santa Barbara, where the Isla Vista shooting occurred, voted 10-1 for Hillary, and all of America will be on that road if we legalize all aliens in this country the way Bernie Sanders wants.

 

Btw, Sarah Palin gave birth to a child with Down syndrome. Conservatives have a heart for the meek and vulnerable. Obama just talked and added money to the national debt. Trump was a change for the better.