sfroncz1 Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 Short summary of breakup: - 2 1/2 years together and planning on getting engaged within the year - Aug 18, she cheats with a coworker drunk, begs me back with promises im the one and its the biggest mistake of her life, leaves the next week for him - I try to get her back (slight begging or pushing her to make a decision) off and on for 3 weeks - decide to sack up when I'm getting nowhere with her and cut contact for 2 1/2 weeks This past Monday, she reaches out to me. She wants to let me know she will be saying prayers for me because she heard we will be putting down our family dog. I tell her I do not want to be friends and the message is inappropriate. A fight ensues. She basically blames her mother for encouraging her to reach out, and she thought I would be angry if she didn't reach out. Last night, I get drunk and message her. I ask her why the hell she would care if I was angry? Another fight ensues, and I can tell she is drunk. She tells me in the argument that she loves him now (after like a month and a half....) and when I am not being nice to her or groveling she says she is so glad she left. This morning I wake up to an apology message from her. I kinda just blow it off and say its fine and I now know where she stands. She finds out I've been throwing out the items she got me, and she absolutely flips out.....says she is so offended and "HOW DARE YOU." Once again, I say.....why do you care? I can do whatever I want to get over the relationship. She eventually makes me angry with her BS that I tell her I will not be mailing a t-shirt she left me and to leave me alone. You would think the t-shirt was made of gold because she will not let the convo drop. I finish with "for someone who wants to be left alone, you will not let this convo drop." She replies with "f**** you dude." I just say "then go then. You're the one carrying this on forever." So before I ask advice or interpretations of this, I kinda understand this sounds semi-toxic right now, but its kinda weird right? For a girl, who has moved on and is so happy? She seems to be quite invested in not only me, my feelings, as well as her legacy with me. In some ways when we are arguing, I almost feel a strange sexual tension and attraction. Maybe it's just one-sided because I still have feeling for her. But yeah? That's my story. Any thoughts on what this girl is doing/going through? Is me almost standing up for myself and not giving her the time of day or letting her turn me into a doormat turning her on/making me attractive? Weird stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 She may not be quite sure her other man will work out. She knows she can string you along. (She cheats and dumps you but you beg for her). Stop playing yourself. The only one keeping you in this is you. Why? PS, drunk is no excuse for cheating Link to post Share on other sites
Author sfroncz1 Posted October 15, 2018 Author Share Posted October 15, 2018 I've been walking away and not taking her sh** though. AKA not keeping myself in this and protecting my heart. I have given her no indication that I want her back.... Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 Nope, you're still in contact which is a signal to her you're still waiting for her. Block everything and go dark. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sfroncz1 Posted October 15, 2018 Author Share Posted October 15, 2018 Blocked her on everything. Unfortunately, I have a 48 hour cooldown on facebook so I still have another 24 hours of her potentially messaging Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 Good you'll be fine. Do the one final purge Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 No, it's not that weird for a cheater to behave like this. Why? Well, they hate being reminded of their own awful behaviour. Even if you don't specifically mention the cheating, the fact that the relationship is even over is because of their actions and they know they did a crappy thing. The anger is a defense mechanism. Also, many walk away thinking their ex will hang around as a back-up plan in case their new deal doesn't work out. These types leap-frog around from one person to the next, and get pissed off when they realize there's no lily pad to land on anymore. It's selfish, but cheaters tend to be concerned about themselves above anyone else. The most important thing is that you don't misunderstand her current stance as a sign of still wanting you. It's not turning her on. It's not her being invested in your feelings. This is about her ego and how she perceives herself. Link to post Share on other sites
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