Regret

[FunnyMan09]

I'm unsure of exactly what to write here. I'm unsure that anyone will even read this. But I feel like I need to try something new and reach out this way because things are not getting better as I would like. I'll keep it as short as possible; I know these kind of posts can get long winded.

 

I dated this girl for about a year. We were a very good match, and looking back on our relationship I believe that she may be only person I have ever really loved. Or at least I - I certainly have never felt so strongly about anyone else I have met.

 

Skipping through the details of everything that happened - we've broken up. It was my fault. I ****ed it up. She gave me another chance and I ****ed it up too. Then there was a third chance, a fourth, a fifth... I ****ed it up every time. She wanted so badly to b with me, and I did with her too. But I was a coward and selfish and apparently those things were more important to me at the time. Point is that now she is gone, and over a year later I can say with certain that I have exhausted all of my chances. We will never be together again. She could never trust me again. I don't blame her. If you knew the full story, you wouldn't either.

 

People make mistakes. We grow up and we realize the foolish things we've done. Then we learn from our mistakes and don't make the same ones again. I realize what I did to this girl whom I cared so much for. And I realize it was wrong. I got what I deserve and I'm still dealing with the consequences. Most importantly, I've learned from my errors and I am a better person for it now.

 

But I still feel so broken up about this girl. I've tried dating other, have advanced in my career, and have kept myself moving forward in life. I'm doing what I am supposed to be doing to get over someone and she is still here. Still, this solid rock of regret sits on my heart. It hurts me every day. Even after all this time. Every ****ing day. I messed up. I got what I deserve, and I've learned my lesson. That's okay. It's a part of growing up. I just wish that since I've learned my lesson and am better than I used to be that this sadness would leave me. It doesn't do me any good anymore. I already know to be better, and it truly has made me a better person. I just want some reprieve from this despair. This regret that I can't seem to be rid of no matter how hard I try.

 

If you've stuck through the entirety of this post, I appreciate it. There isn't much for anyone to say to me that I don't already know, and there is no easy solution. Time, right? It heals all wounds. I just wish it wold hurry uo with me. I need to get along with my life. Be unburdened of the only regret I have in my life.

 

I miss that girl so much.

[hope86]

I'm in the same boat and made a thread about it so maybe our stories are similar?

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/661422-breakup-pain

 

And my own regret thread -

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/661517-how-deal-regret

 

Not gonna pretend I know how you feel but I'm in a similar boat and man it's just NON STOP PAIN. NON STOP.

[d0nnivain]

Regret is a powerful emotion. It does seem like you are learning from your mistakes & understand the why about your break up. You have to find a way to forgive yourself & let it go. When you do, the regret will fade.

[FMW]

You have to find a way to forgive yourself & let it go. When you do, the regret will fade.

 

This is the answer I think. You haven't forgiven yourself yet.

[Rotn'roses]

Try 15+ years. I am now actively seeking to unencumber myself from these negative emotions that I didnt even realize I had for so many years!

I pray that your recovery comes to you much sooner than mine has. Burying your problems is the worst thing you can do. You seem to be addressing your emotions upfront so that takes a lot of courage and strength and I am sure the next woman you love will cherish those qualities that you are now refining, all the more. I wish you a worthy person in the future, of a man who is capable of growing. Good job. It is so wonderful to see so many men and women really trying to work on their own personal problems in a two way relationship and learn and grow from the pain and joy that some people can bring to our lives sometimes.

[FunnyMan09]

Sometimes it just helps to have someone to commiserate with.

[Borntoelevate]

Reading this post really scares me. So far it has been 7 months for me and I am still reeling from the break up, living with the guilt, regret and sadness. It’s not as bad as it was before (no more tears) but she still occupies over 75% of my thoughts on a daily basis. People I know said that it would be over after 6 months, but that hasn’t proven correct. Now that I read it is 1 year for you and still no reprieve, I am scared to the bone. I don’t want to waste anymore time feeling demotivated, struggling to wake up in the morning, feeling lost without a purpose. I long for having a lighter heart and seeing hope for the future. I have lost even more hope after reading your post. I am so scared I will never be able to laugh authentically again.

 

I have dated several girls in varying capacities (from semi-gfs, to FWB), but none have been able to stop the hemorrhaging.

 

Like you, I have learnt from my mistakes. I have become a better person. A more appreciative person. More humble, more considerate. But she will never know nor believe that and it is too late. She loves someone else now. Only after death will she really see how I have changed.

 

I miss her so much.