catherine1 Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 Hi, I have basically came here to rant as I am feeling pretty pissed off. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly two years. We’re great together and I know he loves me and is very attentive to me. However, at the weekend we went to a bar and sat behind us was a girl with a male friend or boyfriend. I’m sat opposite my boyfriend and he looks past me, and is looking in her direction. When he sees I’m not looking at him, he looks at her more! Only later did I realise he was looking at her. I’ve been in bars with him and sometimes he’ll only have eyes for me, scantily clad girls go past and he just looks at me. Occasionally though, he does glance at a girl, but the continuing look he gave this girl when he thought I didn’t notice, annoys me. I didn’t say anything as I dont want to be a jealous girlfriend and throw accusations at him, also I have drunkenly made comments about him doing this in the past and it never resulted in anything productive. Now however, I never do this and am a very laid back, easy going girlfriend. If he does this again, I will say something or ogle a guy to piss him off. I know I should communicate this with my boyfriend, even though it was 2 days ago I’m fuming! Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 If he does this again, I will say something or ogle a guy to piss him off. Better to say something. If you try the "give him a taste of his own medicine" routine he will either not notice, or use that as justification for doing it more. Or worse he will remember that you've done it, and bring it up when you do talk to him - "hey you do it too..." Don't say it drunkenly though. Say it when both you and him are sober and calm and rational. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 Maybe he knows her or thought he knew her and it had nothing to do with admiring her looks. On one hand, I think since it's still bothering you two days later you should ask him about it (calmly and without accusation). But on the other hand, bringing it up after 2 days might just seem b****y to him and cause friction. I would probably ask though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author catherine1 Posted October 15, 2018 Author Share Posted October 15, 2018 Thank you, he didn’t know her and I could tell he was admiring her by the look on his face. I will be bringing this up if it happens again, thank you for your advice. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 You may want to talk about it before it happens again. Especially if you are drinking & it happens again you are not going to be able to control your temper & may regret what comes out of your mouth. Having a calm talk should prevent it. As you implied an occasional passing glance is one thing. Here he seemed to be ignoring you in favor of her. Whatever you do, don't try fighting fire with fire. You ogling some guy will make the whole situation worse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kelliousme Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 You say he loves you but why does he look at other girls?? ESP with you're there.. that's so disrespectful. I would've gotten pissed and left him there LOL. He can go sit with the girl. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 I think to some extent all guys have eyes for other girls, but I would see what his actions show. If he's just looking, I can't penalize him for looking. If he acts on it, then you have a worse problem on your hands. Both genders are visual creatures but guys way way more so. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 I didn’t say anything as I dont want to be a jealous girlfriend and throw accusations at him and.... what.. you are that GF or not ? See it for what it is, harmless... all people of the opposite sex look at others.. I will say this though... if you discuss this with him and make it clear to him how much it hurts or how it feels and he continues it then you have an issue that needs to be addressed. In the end respect is what is the line here but him looking at other girls isn't showing disrespect but him looking at girls after you haves discussed the issue is... Link to post Share on other sites
Author catherine1 Posted October 15, 2018 Author Share Posted October 15, 2018 Hi, you do make a good point. How is he supposed to know if I don’t say my boundaries regarding this? I’m just afraid to bring it up incase it further pushes him into the arms of another woman. Also, it will be days later when I bring this up. I’m wondering if it’s worth the hassle this time. Although this will be getting communicated if I ever see it again Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 If talking about this pushes him into the arms of another woman you certainly picked the wrong guy to have a relationship with. Just have a talk with him about it and start there, if his reaction is off the charts then maybe something else is brewing but if he likes you and wants to be around you then he should adjust... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 BTW, you talk about yourself and how it feels rather than accuse him of anything... He hasn't done anything wrong up till now so the accusation isn't in order... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author catherine1 Posted October 15, 2018 Author Share Posted October 15, 2018 That’s true, but to do it whilst your girfriend is sat opposite and to look when he thinks I can’t see is sly I think. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 Hah it's not sly, he did what he thought was best...that you weren't looking, or noticed. Should have brought it up right then by giving him the stink eye. How to do this? Look at him right after he does it, then turn to look at the girl, then look back at him with stink eye....he will get it loud and clear. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 Bring it up next time he does it. But do so in a manner which isn't going to cause a fight. A simple "you found something you like over there?" question should be enough to bring him back to reality. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 Only later did I realise he was looking at her. IÂ’ve been in bars with him and sometimes heÂ’ll only have eyes for me, scantily clad girls go past and he just looks at me. Occasionally though, he does glance at a girl, but the continuing look he gave this girl when he thought I didnÂ’t notice, annoys me. The truth is that most hetrosexual males notice "scantily clad girls". It is what men do. The issue is do they do this with respect for their partner, or do they do it where it is obvious and humiliating to their partner. Since "only later" did you even realise that "he was looking at her", he did so correctly and with respect for you. Let it go as he did nothing wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 I've never been the type of woman to check out a guy while out with another. However, I was on a date many years ago with a guy I had been seeing for about a year. We went to a party and this tall, very good looking man walked past us and my head turned and I stared, he turned around and stared back. It was just a pull of my neck and I couldn't help it. Well to make a long story short that was 22 years ago and me and that man just celebrated out 20th wedding anniversary this past June. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted November 12, 2018 Share Posted November 12, 2018 Talking to him while sober and level headed seems like a better plan than oggling other guys while drunk or talking to him while drunk. Link to post Share on other sites
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