azaleas Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 When my boyfriend was in college (way before he met me) he did this study abroad thing in Europe and made a group of good friends there. Well fast forward to today, and this Europe group is planning on doing a reunion trip to San Francisco over a long weekend. I guess it's limited to JUST the Europe group... in other words, no significant others allowed. He even asked if it would be okay if he brought me but they said no. Apparently others in the group are leaving their SOs behind too. He seriously debated whether he should even go without me but in the end decided he would regret not going on this reunion trip with this good group of friends. For my part I never asked him not to go. In fact I understood and said I encouraged him to go because I knew he would regret not going. I've been trying to convince myself that I'm totally fine with it, but as the date of the trip grows near, it's hard not to get a bit anxious about it. For one, there are girls in this friend group that are going on the trip. I don't really know anything about them, but just the fact that he is going on a trip with a group of friends that includes girls that are not me... I'm trying to totally be the cool girlfriend and be accepting of it all but it's hard, especially because I was in a previous relationship with a guy who ended up cheating on me for months, then dumped me and married the girl he cheated on me with. I trust my current boyfriend, but it's still hard because of my past relationship baggage. Plus, back when he was in college, I know he was kind of chubby/nerdy and was the guy girls saw as the "funny friend" that was mostly friend zoned. At some point after college, he started eating better, getting in to working out, and has blossomed into what he is today, which is well, sexy. I am afraid these college girls who friendzoned him are going to see what he has become today and well, who knows what might happen? I trust my boyfriend, but I'm also sure there will be alcohol involved, and just, you never really know. I haven't mentioned any of this to him, because I don't want him to think I don't trust him, or to think I'm some crazy, jealous girlfriend. Like I said, I'm trying to be cool about everything, and I was the one who encouraged him to go in the first place. But it's hard not to shake off the anxiety about it as the date of the trip grows near. Should I talk to him about this to ease my mind? Or is it best to leave it alone? Thanks in advance for advice. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 I am afraid these college girls who friendzoned him are going to see what he has become today and well, who knows what might happen? I trust my boyfriend Do you see the contradiction there? You trust him... but you don't trust him to do the right thing if a girl hits on him? You say you trust him, but do you really? If you do trust him then it won't matter what the other girls do, he will act appropriately. If you think he can be led astray by another girl's actions then your trust is rather limited and conditional, right? What are the sleeping arrangements? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 Your relationship baggage, presumably from unfaithful guys in the past, is making you anxious. You have to find a way to trust your trustworthy BF. He did the right thing. He asked if you could come. the group preferred to keep things closed. While that is unfortunate, it is also somewhat understandable. Even if you went, you wouldn't have the best time because they want to visit with each other not entertain SOs who won't get the inside jokes. It's tough the 1st times you are apart when one partner is doing something fun but you have trust. Plan a great girls weekend with your BFFs so you have something to look forward to while he's gone & you're not moping around missing him. If there are particular tourist attractions you want to see ask for pictures, like "hey send me a picture of the Golden Gate Bridge". Have some faith & don't expect you will hear from him more then once or twice. Do NOT blow up his phone checking up on him. Show him you can be cool & calm about all this. Hopefully he will come home with great stories & you will have worried for nothing. If something else happens, better you know now then after you get in deeper 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Whodatdog Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 There is nothing you can do to stop someone from cheating, no matter if they are standing next to you or in an outing with a group of people in another country. Either you trust him, or you dont. I would hope that he has no interest in cheating with anyone on this trip, because he doesnt want to lose you, that he respects you and cares for you. That all you can do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 If something else happens, better you know now then after you get in deeper My thought as well. You don't say how long you've been together, but if you're going to be (more) serious there's certain trials you need to pass. Whether he can successfully navigate the boundaries of a trip like this is one of them. There will be many other times if you stay together as a couple where women, alcohol and your absence will mix. Time to see if he can handle the combination... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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