Things your exes did after a breakup

[jtro243]

Hey guys, just wanted to know what kinds of things your exes did following a breakup?

 

Mine has not done much of anything to remove me from her life and I'm curious if her behavior is normal.

 

Things like:

• Keeping her FB status hidden from the world, not just me
  

• Not removing instagram photos of us
  

• Not returning items such as clothing, Chromecast, DVD Player (I bought that as a olive branch of sorts amidst the breakup, there's a story behind why I picked a DVD Player)
  

• Let me have one of her pets to watch under the guise that her roommate doesn't like him (That's bull**** because she still has another hedgehog in her apartment)
  

• Didn't even discuss the breakup despite needing to have a break to think it over (usually they like to at least have a brief discussion before cutting ties forever) even though I had calm demeanor when she broke it off.
  

 

I understand people hold onto hope like its life and death, but honestly this behavior just isn't conducive to how I have handled exes in the past or how I feel others would normally handle exes.

 

Also, please spare me the whole "move on" speech. Trying to understand a breakup doesn't mean I'm curled up in a ball of pity.

[basil67]

I'm sorry your relationship ended. However I don't think there is a "normal" when it comes to how people react after a breakup. They just do what they need to do in their own time.

[ExpatInItaly]

Is there any chance she's test-driving someone new?

 

Some of what you describe is not so unusual when there is a new person on their radar, but they're not yet sure it's going to pan out so they keep some ties to the ex intact just in case.

[Gretchen12]

I've done some of those things you listed. If I remember well, I wasn't angry or emotional, and contact doesn't shake me up, so there was no urgency to cut all ties. This would be someone I might want to be friends with. No anger, it just doesn't work out, that sort of break up.

[helloladies21]

[*]Not removing instagram photos of us

 

Not returning items such as clothing, Chromecast, DVD Player (I bought that as a olive branch of sorts amidst the breakup, there's a story behind why I picked a DVD Player)

 

My recent ex did both of these when we split the first time. You just can't know if it's oversight or intentional.

 

I understand people hold onto hope like its life and death, but honestly this behavior just isn't conducive to how I have handled exes in the past or how I feel others would normally handle exes.

 

A hard lesson I learned with my ex-wife (2 exes ago) is that you can't make people, who aren't emotionally connected to you enough, do what you want them to do. They will do as they please, as they should. You can let them know what you want and they will either react or not.

 

Her behavior is not unexpected at all, from my experience. I've seen it and been through it.

[Rockdad]

My ex got 100% of property and assets in the divorce. She sold the furniture and my business back to me.

[Young mind]

Funny as it may seem, I did post something similar when I had my breakup trying to figure out all her behavior. Once more it will be best not to read anything into it, 1 year after those behaviors didn’t make any chances to the outcomes.

 

Mine blocked me only when she was about to post with her new beau, tried to return my stuff which I declined and Oh!, spread rumors about me... leads me to my first paragraph.

[jtro243]

Is there any chance she's test-driving someone new?

 

Some of what you describe is not so unusual when there is a new person on their radar, but they're not yet sure it's going to pan out so they keep some ties to the ex intact just in case.

 

I spoke to her mother and she revealed she has had a new circle of friends. She's been fighting with her room mate and AFAIK they aren't on good terms... if there is another guy I'm okay with her feeling it out. I think she knows if she comes back, I won't make the same mistakes twice and we'd end up getting married. She is young and I don't doubt she's doubting being that committed right now.

 

Best case scenario its just a fling...

Worst case scenario its a rebound and I've been blindsided yet again by something I didn't see coming because I wasn't reading the signs right.

 

Telling me to not read into things is pointless. She asked to be given space to focus on school. I refuse to violate that and respect her decision, unfortunately this also means I have zero closure and zero information about her state of mind.

 

As I type this, I'm only slightly saddened. The idea of losing her sucks horribly, but I know that the future is never certain and impossible situations workout. But I don't expect her to return and that's key right now. It took me a long time to accept that and I fought it for a very long time but it helps me control my emotions and if I'm in control of my emotions then I can make the best decisions that are likely to get her back:

• Not begging
  
• No contact for a given time to help old wounds heal for both of us and let her remember what I meant to her
  
• Formulate exactly how I want our next encounter to go than randomly calling her up when I'm in distress and sabotaging everything.
  

 

Guys if you're reading this, you've got to maintain control over your emotions. If you truly want your girl back, you have to master your emotions before you ever try to make contact. You will have moments when you think you've got it, but you don't... When you know, you just know. But don't put your relationship in further jeopardy by being unable to center yourself.

[ExpatInItaly]

It would be best to stop speaking to her mom, OP. She isn't her daughter, and ultimately can't provide the answers you're looking for. You are going to need space from her friends and family too, to help you heal.

 

Unfortunately, closure isn't something you're likely to obtain from her. People rarely get the definitive responses they want when a relationship ends, either because the dumper doesn't know how to articulate it, or they've not been honest about why they ended it, or because they've already stated why it's over and the dumpee has yet to accept it. Closure comes from you, when you reach the point where you can accept it didn't work out and it's time to move forward.

 

How old are you both? You mention that she is young, so she might be years and a couple more relationships away from settling down. I know when I was a very young woman, I was in no way to ready to commit forever to one guy. I wanted to explore, have my fun, see what and who else the world had to offer. Sometimes these things work out, but it's best not to focus on that right now so that you don't face much deeper pain if this is truly the end.

[Simple Logic]

Crazy isn’t it. Like following your Ex’s FB page, agreeing to sit a dog, checking out instagram to see if the photos are still up, ect. Those ex’s sure do crazy stuff.

[jtro243]

It would be best to stop speaking to her mom, OP. She isn't her daughter, and ultimately can't provide the answers you're looking for. You are going to need space from her friends and family too, to help you heal.

 

Unfortunately, closure isn't something you're likely to obtain from her. People rarely get the definitive responses they want when a relationship ends, either because the dumper doesn't know how to articulate it, or they've not been honest about why they ended it, or because they've already stated why it's over and the dumpee has yet to accept it. Closure comes from you, when you reach the point where you can accept it didn't work out and it's time to move forward.

 

How old are you both? You mention that she is young, so she might be years and a couple more relationships away from settling down. I know when I was a very young woman, I was in no way to ready to commit forever to one guy. I wanted to explore, have my fun, see what and who else the world had to offer. Sometimes these things work out, but it's best not to focus on that right now so that you don't face much deeper pain if this is truly the end.

 

Strange thing is I’m pretty sure part of the reason she left was because she thought I didn’t want to settle down. She made it clear she was angry at me for not realizing what I had when I had it, after confessing how when we had our argument I was seeing things clearly for the first time in a long time. The thing is that none of our issues were something that couldn’t be fixed or worked on, and most of the burden of ensuring those things can be fixed is on me, as my behavior drove her away.

[ExpatInItaly]

Again I ask, how old is she? And you?

[GoreSP]

The amount of people of do stuff to their ex because they can and they know it will hurt them is astounding. Pretty much every one does it.

 

Hurt people hurt people.

[GoreSP]

My ex got 100% of property and assets in the divorce. She sold the furniture and my business back to me.

 

Wow this is really ****ty. It seems financial hits are popular, especially in divorces. I've heard so many stories of partners taking advantage of divorce laws even though they don't really need to.

[jtro243]

Again I ask, how old is she? And you?

 

Sorry for the late reply but almost 21. I'm 24.