Guy set a wedding date with me only to disappear on me completely

[MargieEliza]

I met a guy and we got involved really deeply. Only two months into it, he tells me he wants to marry me. He said I was his angel and I saved him from his depression etc. when I met him I wasn’t looking for anyone. I have been so heartbroken in the past and I had went through the trauma of being r*ped 3 years ago so I hadn’t dated since. When I met him he made me feel safe and he was the first person I put my trust into since my trauma happened. He told me his family was religious and very Christian and I didn’t have a problem with it. It didn’t seem to be a problem until they started telling him I was unclean for not being a virgin and I was tainted bc I was r*ped. His grandparents told him I was basically “damaged goods.” He began to be very protective of me with his family and got into many arguments with them over me. (Let me slide this in: he is a virgin and has not ever had sex before yet was so very mature and went through a lot in his life, having to take care of his mom bc her depression and anxiety are so bad she isn’t able to leave the house and she is paranoid and screams at night thinking people are going to kill her). His sister was r*ped by his stepdad and then two years later she was killed in a car accident. So his family has all these problems surrounding them.

 

I have anxiety and depression and when I met him he became my safety net. I was a closed book and he kept telling me to open up and trust him. I didn’t want to but eventually I did and I poured my heart and soul out to him. He was my best friend. If we weren’t together or talking on the phone we were texting. We told each other everything. We looked at houses to buy together. We were making wedding plans. We stayed up late so many nights just talking and laughing and smiling about growing old together. I really thought he was going to be my forever.

 

He then went on vacation to see his uncles aunts and cousins two weeks ago. During his trip he seemed really distant and I told him I felt ignored. He called me on the phone and said his family was getting annoyed with him texting me etc and they were “on his butt about everything “ and telling him I was bad and he was going to be tempted to have sex before marriage and I wasn’t the girl for him and they have never met me. After we hung up the phone and he said he wasn’t ignoring me but his family was on his butt he texted me and told me to pamper myself and take a bath and not to worry, like he usually does with me. He was very pampering and nurturing of my emotions and always wanted me to talk stuff out with him. He never let me feel alone.

 

Then he just started completely ignoring me after that comment and wasn’t taking my calls etc. I then called him and someone else answered so I hung up bc I didn’t know what to say. he then sent me a text that said “this isn’t working out this is too much stress on both of us wish you the best” and he blocked my number and deleted all of his social media. I cried for days and the only way to get ahold of him was his mom on fb. I sent her a message explaining to her what happened thinking she would care in some way.

 

He then called me three days after blocking me and said “I’m sorry my family got to my head and told me to break up with you and I’m still in love with you. I cried my eyes out and told him we could get through this because we always told each other we could get through anything no matter what his family did or said and he promised he would never leave me no matter what his family did or said. He said to me “okay we’re back to normal don’t worry babe I love you and I’m going to have my mom call you so you guys can talk” and I said I wanted to talk to her because his mom was going crazy and didn’t want him with me and never wanted to take the time to get to know me and didn’t trust anyone.

 

After we got off the phone, three hours later my phone was blocked from his number again. He blocked me AGAIN! This time, he hasn’t contacted me since and has changed his number. His mom also posted on fb that I was “harassing them and for people to block me”.

 

I then messaged her and said to her “I love your son and I don’t understand why you dislike me so much. He broke my heart and the last words he said to me were “I love you” and he left me hanging. I asked her how she would feel if someone did that to her and why she wouldn’t try to understand why I felt the way I did and asked her to have him talk to me pls. She ignored me.

 

I have not heard from him since and my heart is totally broken. I don’t understand what I did wrong and I really thought he loved me. Why couldn’t he just be honest? I told his mom “if he rlly didn’t want to be with me he could have just been honest with me instead of telling me he loved me and blocking me and I don’t understand” my heart is torn into pieces. I literally feel like a shell of myself and like I lost my best friend. Maybe I leaned on him for too much emotional support because now I feel so lonely without him. He told me I could trust him and he would never hurt me and he did just that. I had a dream of us getting married and he totally not only crushed that dream but stomped on my heart completely. I reached out to him through my best friends number pleading with him to just talk to me even if it meant him telling me he didn’t want to be with me so I could have some closure, and he would not respond.

 

I don’t understand how someone can go from telling me I am his angel and his fiancé to completely ignoring my entire being and not even caring about me or my feelings and treating me like a human trash bag that he can just dispose of because he didn’t feel he wanted me anymore, or whatever he is feeling. I don’t understand.

 

Does anyone have Any tips on how to move on when you feel as if your self esteem has been ruined and you feel empty as can be without that someone in your life To talk to? I wake up in the morning and just wish I could say good morning to him and I miss asking each other how we were and talking about our day. Just the little things. And I feel so alone. I feel like it was all a lie. And I blame myself like I did something wrong by telling him I felt ignored that day. I know this post is all over the place, but honestly this situation is all over the place, and so are my feelings. I’ve been drowning myself in NyQuil because I don’t even want to be awake during the day bc it feels too hard. The nights are even worse. I just want to talk to him. I know I can’t. I don’t know what is wrong with me.

 

Everyone calls me the “beautiful girl” and I’ve always been complimented on my looks my whole life but in the end I have no self esteem. I give my all in relationships only to end up with womanizers or men who charm their way to my heart and are so great with words and in the end, they end up hurting me worse than ever.

 

I was doing so well before I met this guy emotionally and I was getting over my trauma that happened to me. I was content in life. He came out of nowhere and he kept telling me “god brought us to each other and we are soul mates” and I hung onto his every word and I felt the same way. It felt too good to be true. He understood me like no other. We helped each other through everything. We made each other’s every day. We made each other laugh and smile constantly. I was never sad bc I knew he was there. Now he’s completely gone and it’s out of nowhere.

 

Does anyone have any thoughts on what I should think of this situation, and do with myself to get over this? I feel helpless and so depressed.

 

Thank you for listening. ♥️

[d0nnivain]

Honey, he was lying to you. Serious, mentally healthy people who understand the commitment of marriage don't go around proposing to people they have only known for 60 days.

 

You got caught up in the love bombing. It felt lovely & wonderful & magical.

 

Alas he was the wrong person to put your trust in. When he proved himself unworthy you then set about making a pest of yourself so much that he changed his # & his mother is publicly complaining that you are harassing her. Somehow you have gone too far. As much as it hurts, you need to completely disconnect & figure out why you are so obsessed. It's not healthy.

[MargieEliza]

Honey, he was lying to you. Serious, mentally healthy people who understand the commitment of marriage don't go around proposing to people they have only known for 60 days.

 

You got caught up in the love bombing. It felt lovely & wonderful & magical.

 

Alas he was the wrong person to put your trust in. When he proved himself unworthy you then set about making a pest of yourself so much that he changed his # & his mother is publicly complaining that you are harassing her. Somehow you have gone too far. As much as it hurts, you need to completely disconnect & figure out why you are so obsessed. It's not healthy.

 

I know you are completely right. I feel like he said those things in the moment to get what he wanted out of me, whatever it might have been. He felt good about himself by promising and saying these things, and I don’t understand it at all. He made promises only to completely make it a point to block me on every single thing and make it so I can’t contact him at all. I am obsessing over it a little too much and it scares me. I haven’t felt this rejected or heartbroken since the guy I lost my virginity to when I was 18 completely broke my heart and I didn’t know what to do w myself. I have no clue why I’m taking this so hard. Maybe I feel as if he would be the perfect person if it wasnt for his family and I still feel as if he’s my soul mate because I’m missing my best friend. But maybe it was all a lie and he wasn’t the person he was acting like. It hurts but I know I have to keep going because life keeps going on with or without us. I don’t want to waste my life away in bed over this like I have for past break ups. This one hurts worse than the others and I can’t put my finger on why. Thank you for your insight. I know I need to move on and it’s completely unhealthy. I just feel like I’m in such a dark place right now. I look at past break ups and when I felt the world was ending, I look back at it and I laugh. But while you’re in it, it’s so hard to see clearly. I can’t seem to stop wondering what he’s thinking or if he still loves me (or if he ever did), or what he’s doing right now etc. it’s unreal. I need to find something to do to occupy my time. I’m such a tv person and I find myself staring at the ceiling because I can’t even concentrate on a tv show right now bc my mind is so fogged up and I’m so depressed I haven’t showereed in 5 days. I need to find the strength within myself. I know one day I will find an amazing man who won’t leave me or abandon me and will communicate with me and be someone I can put my trust into and he won’t break it. Thank you. Every word you said was true. I just truly need people to talk to right now. The loneliness is what’s killing me.

[d0nnivain]

I'm sorry. Do you have a friend you can call? You do need to pour the rest of that Nyquill down the sink. It's not helping.

 

As much as you might not want to, go outside for a walk. Get some sun on your face. It really will help.

 

Try making a list of all your good qualities.

[MargieEliza]

I'm sorry. Do you have a friend you can call? You do need to pour the rest of that Nyquill down the sink. It's not helping.

 

As much as you might not want to, go outside for a walk. Get some sun on your face. It really will help.

 

Try making a list of all your good qualities.

 

I love this comment!!! You are a breath of fresh air!!! I have two best girl friends I’ve had since grade school and I’m 28. They both have kids and lives of their own and their own problems so I tend to keep a lot in. They both know what happened and one of my girlfriends keeps sending me inspirational quotes and stuff like that through text so I know she is thinking of me. She has depression of her own. She’s a single mom and has a job to hold down and a house to take care of all by herself. She’s a strong woman. I know the NyQuil isn’t helping.

 

The change in the weather with it getting cold (bc I live up north) kind of doesn’t help with depression bc I know winter is coming. Being outside isn’t like it was during the summer. I really would like to get myself back to the gym and feel good about myself instead of dwelling. I do wish I had someone to talk to but people tend to have lives of their own and it’s hard. I miss having a steady friend to talk to who would always be there and vice versa. I had a good friend like that in my life and she moved to California and we lost touch. Either way, I know I need to find some sort of light in my life right now. Thanks so much for being so positive! I really need that. ♥️♥️??