I can't watch TV shows or movies due to jealousy.

[Happy Lemming]

When was the last time you left an abusive marriage with kids, @HappyLemming? How does your story compare to OP's?

 

Never married... no kids, and I'm not saying leave her.

 

I'm saying "grow a pair" watch the movies you want to watch, write the books or short stories you want to write and tell her to learn to deal with it.

 

Stop being a scared little boy and be a man. Time for this guy to put his foot down... If she leaves, she leaves that's on her.

[littleblackheart]

watch the movies you want to watch, write the books or short stories you want to write and tell her to learn to deal with it.

 

Agreed. It's just that severe abuse can do a number on anyone, no matter how much of a 'man' (whatever that's supposed to mean) they are. Talking the talk is one thing...

[Happy Lemming]

@littleblackheart

 

I can only imagine her tyrant behavior started out small, toothpaste cap, etc. and evolved into what it is today. At some point he is going to have to put a stop to this, otherwise he will one day be eating his meals in his car and sleeping in the Laundry room on top of dirty laundry or some other idiocy.

 

The OP asked for my opinion, I gave it... You and I can agree to disagree about how he got there or what his next step should be.

 

I don't need to be married nor have kids to identify adverse controlling behavior by the wife. This home sounds toxic to both him and the children.

[littleblackheart]

No one is disputing your right to have a opinion, there's no need to be so defensive...

 

Does your opinion have to be so dismissive, though?

[PegNosePete]

The saddest thing of all is that you taught your children how to be.

Yes, that is definitely true.

 

OP would you want your kids to be in a relationship like this, with a woman who treats them like she treats you? If not then why are you setting the example that this is normal and acceptable?

[crystallake]

Thank you all for the responses and I'm sorry for my delay in replying back. I've been trying to let these responses sink in and come to terms with the fact that maybe she hasn't really gotten better. Maybe I've just been more accepting that this is my life, this is how it's going to be. I've tried to do things I enjoy and watch my movies and TV shows, but I can't. I get such a deep, dark fear that comes over me that I can only describe as horrible crippling Anxiety. If I'm watching a movie that has an attractive actress, or a scene with brief nudity, and she comes walking into the living room I feel like I am going to vomit. If I pause the movie she looks over at the title of the movie and I'm sure she's going to IMDB to look up the actress, the movie rating, etc. and act pissed off towards me as if I cheated on her or something.

 

I agree with many of you, that she's projecting herself onto me. She has cheated in past relationships and has cheated on me. I have never been unfaithful, or shown any reason to not be trusted. I have promised myself that if she cheats on me again that's it, we're done. I don't care how much pain it causes me, I'm not going back to her again. Three times is enough. I agree that she thinks that I am just as vulnerable as she is, because when she meets a man she finds attractive online or at work, she's sexting them and trying to have an affair. So, she thinks I'm the same way. I'm not. I'm a good husband who is faithful to his family and believe in marriage. I grew up watching my dad get cheated on, taken advantage of, and despite that he stuck it out because he loved his kids so much and didn't want us to have to deal with the stress of divorce. I think he was a strong man for doing that, still keeping a roof over our heads, working 6 days a week and doing the best he could for us kids. I'm the same way where I want to make things work, stay faithful and make sure my kids are happy.

 

That aside, I've had multiple talks with my wife and she assures me she will never cheat again. She has pleaded with me, broke down in tears and said she wishes she could take it all back. Regarding the movies, she tells me to watch them and admits she has a severe problem, and even acknowledges it as abuse. Nonetheless, I feel I have some sort of PTSD because I still can't watch them. Mind you these are movies some of which are PG 13. I can tell that instead of fighting with me about a movie she bottles it up, seems pissed but won't say anything. If I stare at the screen and a female shows up I am screwed. She used to reach over and check my boxer shorts to see if I was aroused. It was really, really bad at one point.

 

My wife doesn't trust me, and I don't trust her. I don't know if I ever will. Deep down I believe one day she will cheat on me again. This sucks because I don't show her a lot of love anymore, I don't feel attracted to her as much anymore, because she scares me so much. I still love her and she loves me, we make a lot of sacrifices for each other and she cares about me. I just don't know what to do if we don't trust each other, we sorta live this life together being cautious of one another while still loving each other and our children.

 

So... I suppose the thing for me to do is just man up, watch my movies, if she gets mad I'll remind her that it's abusive and needs to stop immediately. This will likely piss her off, cause her to cheat on me again... but oh well. If it does, then I know it's time to just walk away and end it. The thing is I WANT to get close to her, I WANT to trust her, I WANT my family to be happy, trusting and perfect. It's a shame she acts this way and I hope she changes.

[LuckyM]

Is there somewhere else you can watch movies or TV?

 

WHat happens when she watches TV or movies and you don't? Can you get back?

 

Does she really hate horror shows? Does she act the same with comedies or action or drama? Unless you are addicted to horror and sci fi shows, try compromise. You should be able to watch what you want (except porn) but you have other grievances and fights, especially her infidelity. You don't want your marriage to end this way, do you?

[crystallake]

LuckyM yes there is another room I can go in, but she can enter the room at any moment, see a female on TV and get pissed. When she watches TV I don't care. I don't get jealous. It's just a TV screen. For me though, it's like I'm constantly checking out the females on the screen and imagining I am having sex with them. In her head, it's like I'm cheating. There's times she's watching a show, I walk by and look at the TV and she goes "What was that? Did you just double take on that girl? You have a thing for redheads?" etc. etc. when all I did was look to see what she was watching.

 

It's not horror shows, it's any show, any movie, comedy, scifi, etc. even if it's PG-13. I've even gotten accused of liking female cartoon characters from a kids show.

 

No, I don't want my marriage to end, I guess I was looking for others out there that have the same issue I do and see what they do to deal with it. What it comes down to is my wife is reflecting herself onto me, because she thinks I'm as vulnerable as she is. We love each other, but sadly we don't fully trust each other. Her mom is a cheater, taught her kids young that that's OK, and she was sexually abused since she was a toddler so I can't blame her I think she just had a really bad childhood that messed things up. I'm trying to understand her condition and way of thinking. It's just so taxing on me that I am in such fear of watching a movie, or even going in public if I look over and there's a woman in front of me, she looks at me like "oh you want to sleep with that girl you have a thing for her how dare you" etc.

[Blanco]

Feeling like you're going to vomit when your wife sees you watching a show with an attractive actress is not normal and signifies just how out of hand all of this has gotten. You don't have to accept that this is how your life is going to be. It doesn't need to be. What kind of life is being on the brink of physical illness just because you're watching a non-pornographic movie that just happens to have an attractive actress? That's insanity.

 

And that doesn't even get into the fact that you have been faithful and she has not. Talk about a hypocrite.

[BaileyB]

I was looking for others out there that have the same issue I do and see what they do to deal with it.

 

No, we clearly do not have the same issues. We watch television together all the time - not cartoons, but we have watched porn together.

 

If my partner behaved the way your wife behaves, I would not be in a relationship with him. Her behavior is controlling and disrespectful. I have absolutely no idea why you tolerate this kind of behavior from your spouse.

[PegNosePete]

I have absolutely no idea why you tolerate this kind of behavior from your spouse.

Not only tolerate, but enable her and encourage her to continue, by capitulating to her demands.

 

This will only get worse over time.

 

But seems OP is not interested in helping himself or his wife, rather he wants help accepting a situation that nobody else would tolerate.

[Maddie82]

If there is no trust then things will never improve. It will only get worse and inevitably destroy your self esteem completely. She will cheat, regardless if you watch movies or not. It is severe emotional abuse and you are already half broken. Leave her before she she destroys you completely.

[Blanco]

That's a good point. She's already shown she's willing to cheat on you. That alone shows there's a lack of respect toward the OP on her part. Him entertaining her ridiculous and controlling demands is only going to further erode any respect she does have for him. And then guess what will happen? She's going to cheat again.