I drunk kissed and told my gf...

[LooperDooper]

Summary: Male (28yo) in a 5-month relationship, 1.5 months ago she (27yo) went overseas to study for 2 months (meaning she comes in 2 weeks).

 

I went out on friday, got super drunk, had some people over after the party, and this one girl was very flirtatous with me the whole night (I personally did NOT consider her out of proportion) but nothing happened until at my house. I have a balcony, everybody was there chatting, smoking, drinking, and I obviously don't remember details but we made out (not sure how long, I'd say 30 seconds) and I think we may have groped a little (don't remember exactly). Anyways, after those 30 seconds I reacted and said I'm going to bed and I laid down in the couch (my bed was being used by somebody else already sleeping), and the rest of the people started leaving.

 

I wake up a couple of hours later and she is lying beside me on the couch (nothing happened, but she clearly didn't leave), and then a friend of hers sleeping on my bed got her and they left.

 

Confession: I fessed up, told her the truth even though people told me not to, however I told her everything except specific details that would hurt her more and would not help the actual story (example: groping, length of kiss, flirtatious with me all night).

 

Relationship: She is obviously super pissed at me because we had a VERY GOOD thing going. Don't berate me, I feel extremely guilty about what I did and this is the first time I cheat on somebody. I had a perfect relationship, I have NO IDEA why I did it, I simply reacted late while making out and still don't understand why. The girl I kissed I don't care about, won't ever contact her, have no interest in her, I think I just found her attractive and that's it.

 

I am completely remorseful, I have it made it known to her how sorry, how remorseful, how stupid I was, and how much I'd take it all back because it was nothing to me and yet I put everything in jeopardy. I am completely beat up about the situation and I've barely slept thinking about this, I'd never do this again after the way I've been feeling. The thing that hurts me (and her) is that in my previous relationship I got drunk a few times with her (the cheated) and she saw how I was very noble and didn't act on her even though there was chemistry and my relationship was way on decline. Yet here, a good relationship, a girl I don't like, and yet I go ahead and kiss her.

 

Now: I need help, I am completely sure I have found a special person and I don't intend to do anything else except make her forgive me and work together. It may be stupid to think, but I have never pictured myself with somebody in the future except her, yet she is (obviously) devastated with me and can't stop playing the moment in her mind.

 

I need help. She calls me to ask me questions, everything seems fine, like she's thinking about things, but when she remembers the momento boom it's like she can't forgive me. Just today I called her and she stayed on the phone till she fell asleep with me there (she'd do this often when she missed me and just wanted me near).

 

I have a lot of faith and I need help on how to win her back. Something tells me if she forgives me she may be one to keep for a LONG time. I want to send her messages so she wakes up every morning with a message from me saying why she is special or something (like "You are special #1: ..." and a new one everyday), but not sure if it will help. I need advice. I know I did the right thing telling her even though she may not take me back but I need more tips. I've never felt such a good relationship every before in my life and she had expressed similar feelings.

[ExpatInItaly]

All you can do now is give her time, and space if she needs it.

 

She is going to experience some emotional ups and downs, and she will be probably be easily triggered for a while. You are probably going to find that she is more insecure now, and obviously a lot less trusting of you. I think the hard part will start when she is actually back again, and will likely have a harder time opening up to you both physically and otherwise. Be patient about this, and don't be surprised if she's uncomfortable when you're out at parties or drinking without her now, at least for the foreseeable future. I think you were right to leave out some of the more graphic details, but if she asks, be prepared to answer her honestly.

 

She might forgive you and decide to move forward. That is entirely up to her, though. You can't make her do it, just as she couldn't make you stay faithful. The big problem for me (if I were her) is that you don't seem to have any idea why this happened. That would make me very hesitant to believe it wouldn't ever happen again. How can you prevent it if you don't know what led to it? That is where I feel you need to do some more reflecting: were you bored with the distance? Are you too loose with boundaries when you drink? If this specific girl meant nothing and you still stepped out, what happens when the next attractive one comes along? You don't necessarily need to answer those questions here, but I can promise you that your girl is wondering these things. Give them some thought.