RobbieF Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 Hey, I figured I'd come here to talk because I don't know what to do about my situation and I want to move on with my life. I broke up with my ex a while ago now and since then I've struggled to move on, I'm still very much in love with this girl as she really is everything I've ever looked for. We still talk and are really good friends which is great, however since we split she met someone else and fell so much more for them then she ever did with me, I've spoken to her and she's even said to me that no one has made her feel like he did, I say did because she's since broken up with them and doesn't want to go back. But I was speaking to her today about it and I found out that she's still going round his for sex, her decision, that's fair enough but it crushes me still, to think that she's not mine breaks me in two. I've spoken to her about my feelings and she's told me in no uncertain terms that she isn't attracted to me anymore and that she will never get back with me. This girl used to care so much about me and it's completely gone, I'm in such a bad mental space and my life is a mess that I can't do anything to win her attraction back to me at the moment. I mean, I wouldn't date me... I've become insecure and clingy and I think she views me now as a child rather than a man. I want to go back to the way things were, where my life was in a place and my confidence was in a place where she would like me again. I love talking to her but I feel that the more I do at the moment the more I sound desperate and clingy and I'm never going to win her back. I don't know if I should just block her out of my life for good. I just cant seem to move on, we're completely cordial and get on though so it seems like a **** thing to do to just leave. I keep trying to tell her that if I get things sorted she will like me again but she won't have it. I don't want to just leave it either because the more we just chat as mates the more I think she will think that I'm completely cool with being just friends which I'm not sure I am. I don't know what to do anymore... Link to post Share on other sites
LooperDooper Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 The easy choice... STOP COMMUNICATION WITH HER. You are only doing yourself damage, the more you talk to her, the more you will feel the need to continue talking to her, etc. I think she has been very clear with what she wants with you, and you don't want to be hearing about her hook-ups and her crushes and so on... I recommend get rid of her from your life so you can begin to move on, and start with communication and social websites. You need to take care of you, so start looking at your life and see what makes you "insecure" "clingy" "childish". Nobody is going to date you if you can't see yourself as an option. So work on that, and the rest will start flowing slowly. But please, try and get rid of her from your life so you can be a better person, a better catch, and maybe she'll regret not paying attention to you. Keep strong, make sure you prioritize yourself first. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 You absolutely need to cut communication with her. There is no reason for you to keep updated about her love life and you can't be friends when you're still in love with her. It's doing nothing but hurting you. Unfortunately, she is not coming back. Trying to bargain with her isn't going to change her mind. It's also very unattractive for anyone to try to negotiate with an ex like this. It needs to end, for your sake. Link to post Share on other sites
MargieEliza Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 (edited) {snip} I just cant seem to move on, we're completely cordial and get on though so it seems like a **** thing to do to just leave. I keep trying to tell her that if I get things sorted she will like me again but she won't have it. I don't want to just leave it either because the more we just chat as mates the more I think she will think that I'm completely cool with being just friends which I'm not sure I am. I don't know what to do anymore... I’m going to give advice on this because I’ve been the girl in this situation many many times with men who wanted me and waited around for me while I date others and would have done anything for me. You need to just show her you are fine without her. And honestly move on. Unfortunately, she will probably realize how great you are when it’s too late and when you are onto someone else. And that is how this situation usually always works. But for your sake, like others have said, you need to focus on you and move on right now. I wouldn’t hold any hope for anything and remain civil w her but show her you are keeping your distance and let her miss something. I promise you you will find something better when you do so. She seems like she wants losers right now and isn’t ready for a good guy. Good luck and remain confident. Good guys may finish last, but they finish with the BEST! The men I’ve done this to are now married with amazing women and I regret not giving them a chance so much. They would have married me and never left me. It’s going to be her loss! Stay strong and move forward! Brighter things ahead of you!!!! Xx Edited October 18, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 Unfortunately, she will probably realize how great you are when it’s too late and when you are onto someone else. And that is how this situation usually always works. Eh, no, not always. Sometimes, sure. Usually always? Not in my experience. I have been this woman too, and meant it when I ended the relationship. The guys (2 times, 2 different guys) fading out and moving on was a good thing because I stopped feeling guilty every time they made contact to try to change my mind only for me to again let them know it wasn't going to happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Madd_hatter Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 I understand how you feel completely. I can tell you from personal experience, staying friends with her will keep you stuck on her no matter what, and doesn’t necessarily mean she will like you again. I was friends with this guy for 10 years and fell head over heels for him, he never felt the same, told me straight out that he didn’t, but I kept hanging around him because I was so desperate to be in his presence, making me look even more desperate and undesirable to him. I think he kept me around out of pity. But back to you. Please don’t think being her friend will make her fall for you. If she said she won’t, she won’t. The only thing you’ll do is make yourself fall harder and end up getting hurt when she does find and fall for someone else. You won’t find anyone if you’re stuck on her, trust me. Go read my posts if you want. I wish I was smarter back when I had the chance. It never gets easy but you got to cut her out. It will hurt but it’s better to hurt now, then later when she falls in love and even married. I’m speaking from experience.. let go while it’s not so deep. It only gets harder. Link to post Share on other sites
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