Miss Clavel Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 "This is more about my wife, I was hoping she's be a more enthusiastic partner in some of the adventures. For instance, I enjoy travel, would like to take it up a notch and live in other locales 3-4 months a year. She was all for it, now seems to have financial cold feet" Is it possible there's something else to her hesitation and the finances are where it's playing out? i think so to. i think because she's younger she faces that she might spend years on her own. maybe if they go over that, that she will have a good income when she retires, it might ease her mind. Link to post Share on other sites
jnel921 Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 I agree with Mr. Lucky...why the word defraud? Enjoying what you worked hard for is not deceptive. If anything it is earned. I am in the stages of doing my own will. I for one tried to jump start my children's lives the best we could on our middle income wages. I don't believe that what I have right now is for them to enjoy and for me to live frugally on so that they can reap the rewards of our blood, sweat and tears. They need to earn and build their own the way we did. I too have plans to do some really well deserved things once my husband and I retire. Unfortunately many kids feel entitled and may expect a payout when their parent is gone. Choosing who gets what and how much is a very personal decision and when people are excluded they shouldn't be upset or wonder why. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr. Lucky Posted October 22, 2018 Author Share Posted October 22, 2018 i think so to. i think because she's younger she faces that she might spend years on her own. maybe if they go over that, that she will have a good income when she retires, it might ease her mind. Well, my wife retired when she was 50 (her choice). I continue to work at 67 (my choice). We have plenty of money to last us, substantial savings and investments and some continuing sources of income into retirement. There will most likely be some money passed through our eventual estate. My original question was really a matter of scale and philosophy. My wife's biggest concern has become what's left, mine remains how we can enjoy the results of our hard work. Lots of good points made here and we continue to discuss... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 I think this depends on a person's values and family setup. In my husband's family, things are definitely different than this statement. He and his parents are incredibly tied together....common ownership of property, common business interests, etc... It is hard to tell where one household ends and the other begins. Income has shifted back and forth between them over the years also. I'm guess my husband keeps track of it somehow, but I'm not privy to those records. As I've mentioned before, my husband thinks in a generational way. He's planning 100 years into the future and trying to assure the stability of his great-grandchildren. Of course, his family also looks back on over 800 years of recorded family history, so that definitely influences his thinking. I'm not quite that forward-thinking, but I definitely want my daughter and future kids to be secure. I anticipate that will take some significant tending well after age 18. The Millennial generation is still struggling to launch...in their 30's. I hope that trend changes, but we can't guarantee it. Your husband and his family have an ideal situation, one that I personally strive for. However, most people can’t do those things and they shouldn’t feel pressured to stretch themselves financially when they can’t afford to. Btw, I think it’s a mistake for you to not understand and know how your finances are handled. Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted October 23, 2018 Share Posted October 23, 2018 Your husband and his family have an ideal situation, one that I personally strive for. However, most people can’t do those things and they shouldn’t feel pressured to stretch themselves financially when they can’t afford to. Btw, I think it’s a mistake for you to not understand and know how your finances are handled. Ideal...possibly. It sure hasn't been easy. My dilemma with leaving kids money is what's the right thing to do. I had to haul myself and my sister out of poverty. It gave me strength I wouldn't have otherwise. On the other hand, the suffering changed me in some other ways that might not have been the best. As for our finances...I haven't really asked to be involved. I make my own money, and I sold a nice home that I owned outright when I moved in with my husband. I asked my husband what he thought about joint finances, mostly because I was a touch nervous about my money. His response was that he didn't need to have any access to it or any knowledge about how much there was. He's never asked me for a dime even for groceries. Of course I chip in and buy stuff and I pay my own bills, but we hardly ever talk about money. In return, I haven't asked about finances although maybe I should. I have no idea even how much he makes...only that we have no debts and he owns the house outright, there's something in reserve, there's something invested, and that everything is taken care of. Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted October 23, 2018 Share Posted October 23, 2018 Kind of. I see it as my responsibility to avoid being wasteful. In other words, I'm fine buying new parts for my cars, getting a new pistol when I want one, or anything else that's tangible and reasonable. Where I draw the line is at blowing money on "experiences" and other things that just don't hold tangible value. I see things like fancy foreign vacations as inexcusable waste. Part of me is screaming these days that I haven't saved enough money for my daughter (and hopefully other future kids) to have everything. Another part of me says that they ought to attend the "school of hard knocks" for a while growing up so they turn out strong and stubborn like me. Oh man. I see travel as a way to experience other cultures and learn about the world we live in. I especially wanted to expose my children to as much travel as possible. They don't have to be "fancy" foreign vacations. I believe that, if you immerse yourself in those travel experiences, it teaches tolerance and acceptance, not to mention - learning about the history and centuries old architecture and customs around the world is fascinating. I came from a very poor upbringing surrounded by people who did not see the value in traveling any further than one state away, if that. Before I even graduated high school, I joined the Navy on a delayed enlistment so that I could travel (and defend these United States from enemies, foreign and domestic. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
beentheredonethat77 Posted October 23, 2018 Share Posted October 23, 2018 Oh man. I see travel as a way to experience other cultures and learn about the world we live in. I especially wanted to expose my children to as much travel as possible. They don't have to be "fancy" foreign vacations. I believe that, if you immerse yourself in those travel experiences, it teaches tolerance and acceptance, not to mention - learning about the history and centuries old architecture and customs around the world is fascinating. I came from a very poor upbringing surrounded by people who did not see the value in traveling any further than one state away, if that. Before I even graduated high school, I joined the Navy on a delayed enlistment so that I could travel (and defend these United States from enemies, foreign and domestic. Completely agree. As a person who has lived in four different countries in my adult life, i would never trade 'experiences' for material/tangible things. In fact, the tangible/material items i value most are the ones that remind me of my experiences abroad. Travel and experiences, adventures together, creating memories with loved ones and recording them with pictures is what i value most. Each to his own! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 My priorities are tangible. I could care less if my daughter grows up to be cultured, tolerant, accepting, or whatever. I want her to be permanently secure - never having to worry about bread on the table, gas in the tank, or money in the bank. Education is fine if it has a purpose, and learning about other places can be enjoyable. But it isn't necessary for survival...it wouldn't particularly enable her to find a better life partner, pass on our genes, or remain secure. Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 My priorities are tangible. I could care less if my daughter grows up to be cultured, tolerant, accepting, or whatever. I want her to be permanently secure - never having to worry about bread on the table, gas in the tank, or money in the bank. Education is fine if it has a purpose, and learning about other places can be enjoyable. But it isn't necessary for survival...it wouldn't particularly enable her to find a better life partner, pass on our genes, or remain secure. Can't wait until we hear how you are going to raise your son. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr. Lucky Posted October 25, 2018 Author Share Posted October 25, 2018 I could care less if my daughter grows up to be cultured, tolerant, accepting, or whatever. Really? it wouldn't particularly enable her to find a better life partner, pass on our genes, or remain secure. Neither necessarily does enabling her financially, especially if it's in a way where she doesn't have to provide for herself. I grew up with a bunch of kids with family money right out of the chute and, trust me, there were plenty of problems to go around... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted October 26, 2018 Share Posted October 26, 2018 Really? Neither necessarily does enabling her financially, especially if it's in a way where she doesn't have to provide for herself. I grew up with a bunch of kids with family money right out of the chute and, trust me, there were plenty of problems to go around... Mr. Lucky To me, being cultured and tolerant is very overrated. In fact, being somewhat cynical and biased can have definite advantages in terms of seeing how the world really is. That's not to say that learning how to act in a "tolerant" manner isn't important - that's just good politics and is a great way of dominating your environment. That's my goal for my daughter - to give her a start in life that will allow her to dominate her future environment. Providing help along the way and leaving a legacy after I die has to be calculated in the best manner that will help my daughter be strong, wise, crafty, and a warrior. Link to post Share on other sites
beatcuff Posted October 26, 2018 Share Posted October 26, 2018 To me, being cultured and tolerant is very overrated. In fact, being somewhat cynical and biased can have definite advantages in terms of seeing how the world really is...but shouldn't those be based on facts? and the best way to learn, unfettered by other persons bias, is to personally experience them? so my W and I just visited our daughter for a week in Ireland (she is studying a semester there). i heard from plenty about how 'nice it was'. when they heard i was going they really opened up (tips to enjoy it more). putting aside everything else they have some very interesting ways of handling traffic in Dublin (v the states). to the point i may change my opinion of how we treat 'mass transit'. i love my car and will never give it up but maybe i might spring to spend some tax dollars... so putting aside some $$$ to experience other parts of the country or the world should be at least on the radar. Link to post Share on other sites
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