Expensive dinner place...

[Lorenza]

My dad is dating a 15 years younger woman and he's buying her love so to say. He's constantly showing off by buying her stuff and taking her places. He's also hiding so much from her that I know and she doesn't. I think it's an example of what such cases really are

[Lorenza]

Yes I think he had his age altered on the app so that he shows on younger women's feeds. I have always been very sceptical about men who deliberately search for younger women.

I will cancel the second date (and yes, apparently I did cave in and agreed on it yesterday). Dont want to meet this guy again. What else has he omitted. He hides his record from a public site where you can check basic info about people. It's a thing in Sweden.. it says where you live, your age, if you're married, but he has his completely hidden.

Too shady. Next!

 

(Btw, while his company was really fun and interesting, those expensive places were only worth it for the beautiful sites. The food completely ruined my stomach due to my food sensitivities :D nothing at all good came out of the evening and I will never go on dinner dates for the first meeting. Coffee it is)

[Gaeta]

Yes I think he had his age altered on the app so that he shows on younger women's feeds. I have always been very sceptical about men who deliberately search for younger women.

I will cancel the second date (and yes, apparently I did cave in and agreed on it yesterday). Dont want to meet this guy again. What else has he omitted. He hides his record from a public site where you can check basic info about people. It's a thing in Sweden.. it says where you live, your age, if you're married, but he has his completely hidden.

Too shady. Next!

 

(Btw, while his company was really fun and interesting, those expensive places were only worth it for the beautiful sites. The food completely ruined my stomach due to my food sensitivities :D nothing at all good came out of the evening and I will never go on dinner dates for the first meeting. Coffee it is)

 

 

This man is bad news I'm glad you are cancelling and moving on.

[Veronica73]

Personally, I wouldn’t have a problem dating a guy who is 15 years older than me. Unless he lied about it.

 

That's some bush league crap there....And quite frankly if a guy made a post that a woman was 30 pounds heavier(or 8 dress sizes larger) than she said, the people here would be going apoplectic...

 

Sounds like you bit the hook anyway....Oh well...

 

TFY

 

*rolls eyes* How about all the guys who lie about their height. I’m not kidding....EVERY guy I have dated who has been under 6’ tall has lied about their height. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. They all add roughly 2 inches. Guys who actually are tall don’t do this.

[nospam99]

The whole evening however cost him around 150 dollars, so that's really pricey for a first date. I doubt he spends that much on a normal occasion

 

On the other hand I don't think that's out of line ... my 'go to first date' (I prefer to have a 'this is a meeting, not a date' first) costs a little more than that. But it is tons of fun and the only reason I don't do it alone is that it's boring alone but fun to share, either romantically or platonically. My 'other' 'expensive' date idea which I just don't do alone any more is a downhill skiing day trip, which can easily break the $150 barrier if the lady doesn't own her equipment. I don't have my own 'boat' so a kayaking date is expensive though not (usually) over $100. One more - I don't golf but know how to swing a club and putt and would enjoy a round with a woman who did golf ... can anyone tell me how much green fees for two might run?

[nospam99]

EVERY guy I have dated who has been under 6’ tall has lied about their height. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. They all add roughly 2 inches. Guys who actually are tall don’t do this.

 

Whose 'fault' is that if you never date the 'short' guys who tell the truth about their height? (5'8'' truthful nospam ducks for cover )

[alphamale]

Whose 'fault' is that if you never date the 'short' guys who tell the truth about their height? (5'8'' truthful nospam ducks for cover )

 

i'm 5'11" and I never have to lie about my height

[Lorenza]

On the other hand I don't think that's out of line ... my 'go to first date' (I prefer to have a 'this is a meeting, not a date' first) costs a little more than that. But it is tons of fun and the only reason I don't do it alone is that it's boring alone but fun to share, either romantically or platonically. My 'other' 'expensive' date idea which I just don't do alone any more is a downhill skiing day trip, which can easily break the $150 barrier if the lady doesn't own her equipment. I don't have my own 'boat' so a kayaking date is expensive though not (usually) over $100. One more - I don't golf but know how to swing a club and putt and would enjoy a round with a woman who did golf ... can anyone tell me how much green fees for two might run?

 

For me it's out of the line for just food and a glass of wine... Would be the same effect if a guy bought me a coffee and a nice piece of cake in a cozy cafe

An activity is of course in a different price range, should not be compared to dinner

[nospam99]

i'm 5'11'' and I never have to lie about my height

 

Dear alpha, I perceive two 'knees in the curve' at 5'10'' and 6' (there may be another one at 6'2'' but I can't see it through the atmospheric haze). I believe these 'knees' are there because of the distribution of female heights and their general preference for taller partners. You and I are separated by the 5'10'' knee. FWIW easily one third of the profiles I see on OLD specify a minimum height for the man they say they are seeking of 5'10''. While I'm averaging at least a 25% response rate from women I'm 'tall enough' for, my response rate with the 5'10'' crowd (encouraged by LSers in a 'does height matter?' thread, I tried a few messages as an experiment) is pretty close to 0%.

[elaine567]

Dear alpha, I perceive two 'knees in the curve' at 5'10'' and 6' (there may be another one at 6'2'' but I can't see it through the atmospheric haze). I believe these 'knees' are there because of the distribution of female heights and their general preference for taller partners. You and I are separated by the 5'10'' knee. FWIW easily one third of the profiles I see on OLD specify a minimum height for the man they say they are seeking of 5'10''. While I'm averaging at least a 25% response rate from women I'm 'tall enough' for, my response rate with the 5'10'' crowd (encouraged by LSers in a 'does height matter?' thread, I tried a few messages as an experiment) is pretty close to 0%.

How tall are you? 5' 9"?

[Lorenza]

Oh by the way, this guy told me that I'm so tall and that he was afraid to ask me about my height cause I looked like I might be taller than him in my pictures (he was nearly the same height, which is ok for me).

So....he was afraid to ask me of my height, afraid to tell me his age.... Yeah. I bet he's like in a middle of a divorce process and has 3 kids or something, also afraid of telling me.

Which might be true cause he said he lives in one part of the town but been staying at his sibling's in another part of the town, "just for the weekend". Shady shady shady.

[nospam99]

How tall are you? 5' 9''?

 

I am 5'8''

[No_Go]

Oh by the way, this guy told me that I'm so tall and that he was afraid to ask me about my height cause I looked like I might be taller than him in my pictures (he was nearly the same height, which is ok for me).

So....he was afraid to ask me of my height, afraid to tell me his age.... Yeah. I bet he's like in a middle of a divorce process and has 3 kids or something, also afraid of telling me.

Which might be true cause he said he lives in one part of the town but been staying at his sibling's in another part of the town, "just for the weekend". Shady shady shady.

 

His ‘sibling’ is 99.99% his wife but alas

[Zapbasket]

Seriously, it's reading threads like this that make me think, when I start dating again, I'll suggest a walk through a safe, scenic, well-populated, well-lit area, or a trip to a bookstore or non-silent area of the public library, as a first date. No money spent by anyone on anyone, because it seems whether male or female, no matter how you dice it, you're probably going to do something "wrong," something that sends signals you don't intend.

 

I've taken a long and much-needed hiatus from dating or any general entanglement with the opposite sex, and I want to go on dates again, but this makes me balk.

 

Unless you just go with the flow--in this case, OP, enjoying the treat at this nice sushi restaurant--and then whatever ensues, think of it as a natural weed-out tool for the both of you. I think one thing is important to keep in mind: that no matter who pays how much for what, NO ONE is obligated to do anything except say, "Thank you," and that you're not interested in another date if you're not.

[Lorenza]

His ‘sibling’ is 99.99% his wife but alas

 

Or the opposite - his wife is back at his place and he's staying at his sibling's just in case the date goes further and I agree to go home with him

 

Well but of course, that's just a speculation. Maybe there's nothing more than the age omitting thing, but it has raised too many doubts for me to even go on more dates.

[Lorenza]

Seriously, it's reading threads like this that make me think, when I start dating again, I'll suggest a walk through a safe, scenic, well-populated, well-lit area, or a trip to a bookstore or non-silent area of the public library, as a first date. No money spent by anyone on anyone, because it seems whether male or female, no matter how you dice it, you're probably going to do something "wrong," something that sends signals you don't intend.

 

I've taken a long and much-needed hiatus from dating or any general entanglement with the opposite sex, and I want to go on dates again, but this makes me balk.

 

Unless you just go with the flow--in this case, OP, enjoying the treat at this nice sushi restaurant--and then whatever ensues, think of it as a natural weed-out tool for the both of you. I think one thing is important to keep in mind: that no matter who pays how much for what, NO ONE is obligated to do anything except say, "Thank you," and that you're not interested in another date if you're not.

 

The money spending wasn't the thing that was done "wrong" in this case, it was lying about the age.

[preraph]

Just tell him, Oh, looks great, but that place is too rich for my blood. It's only a first date, let's go somewhere less expensive and more casual. He'll probably love you for it.

[Zapbasket]

The money spending wasn't the thing that was done "wrong" in this case, it was lying about the age.

 

That one's easy. I think you are spot-on for declining a second date due to lying about his age. Gaeta's comment that when you lie about your age (or height, or weight), you are lying about who you are.

 

Easy weed-out. The whole "who pays" thing is so convoluted that it's less easy to weed out based on that, hence the many threads on here of people trying to figure out what the paying / not paying / paying X amount versus Y amount / etc. might indicate about the person and his or her interest in you, etc.

 

Just curious, what did he say when you told him "no thanks" for the second date? Did he ask if it was because of his age?

[Lorenza]

That one's easy. I think you are spot-on for declining a second date due to lying about his age. Gaeta's comment that when you lie about your age (or height, or weight), you are lying about who you are.

 

Easy weed-out. The whole "who pays" thing is so convoluted that it's less easy to weed out based on that, hence the many threads on here of people trying to figure out what the paying / not paying / paying X amount versus Y amount / etc. might indicate about the person and his or her interest in you, etc.

 

Just curious, what did he say when you told him "no thanks" for the second date? Did he ask if it was because of his age?

 

He didn't have to ask. I wrote:

"thank you for a wonderful evening and I really enjoyed your company, but to be completely honest with you, the fact that you didn't really tell me your age straight away bothers me a little bit. I'm looking for someone closer to my age mainly because our expectations and life experience will match a bit better" and stuff like that.

He wrote back and was super disappointed, tried to convince me that it's not a big deal. Wrote a lengthy message.

[Ruby Slippers]

^ He strikes me as the type that's going to keep contacting you and trying to change your mind, so prepare yourself for that. The guy I mentioned who was similar is still trying weeks later, even after I told him there's no chance ever. I could block him, but he seems harmless and I have zero interest. But be careful of him catching you in a weak moment. That's a common strategy for this kind of insecure guy who lies to try to capture women he couldn't otherwise.

[Zapbasket]

^ He strikes me as the type that's going to keep contacting you and trying to change your mind, so prepare yourself for that. The guy I mentioned who was similar is still trying weeks later, even after I told him there's no chance ever. I could block him, but he seems harmless and I have zero interest. But be careful of him catching you in a weak moment. That's a common strategy for this kind of insecure guy who lies to try to capture women he couldn't otherwise.

 

Ew! The 58-year-old who told you he was 46? He may be harmless, but how annoying that he's still working you! I'd block him. That's a pretty big lie; when you're 50 he'll be pushing 70. He should understand that some women will be fine with that, but many won't. How dumb to not just focus on the women he doesn't have to keep invading (because what he's doing now, still contacting you, is invasive) to get them to go out with him.

 

Lorenza:

 

He didn't have to ask. I wrote:

"thank you for a wonderful evening and I really enjoyed your company, but to be completely honest with you, the fact that you didn't really tell me your age straight away bothers me a little bit. I'm looking for someone closer to my age mainly because our expectations and life experience will match a bit better" and stuff like that.

He wrote back and was super disappointed, tried to convince me that it's not a big deal. Wrote a lengthy message.

 

Ugh. I'm so sorry. You are so right to be rid of him and I hope you didn't respond to his lengthy message. The nerve! Nothing good comes from strong-arming someone into going on a date with you. At best, it's really annoying and disrespectful. At worst, it's plain creepy.

[TheFinalWord]

At the risk of repeating myself, a first meeting should be in a coffee shop. You have no clue if you'll click and you (or him) will end up spending tons of money.

 

 

 

So, you could contact him and say you've been thinking about it and you'd feel more comfortable if you'd just meet over coffee and cake for the first time.

 

 

Agreed. This has been my new policy after paying for everything on multiple first dates. I just message the girl and say I love doing all the romantic stuff of picking you up, paying, etc. if we end up going on a second date. But for a first meeting, I think going dutch is best.

[Zapbasket]

Agreed. This has been my new policy after paying for everything on multiple first dates. I just message the girl and say I love doing all the romantic stuff of picking you up, paying, etc. if we end up going on a second date. But for a first meeting, I think going dutch is best.

 

That sounds like a really smart way to go about it

[guest569]

Agreed. This has been my new policy after paying for everything on multiple first dates. I just message the girl and say I love doing all the romantic stuff of picking you up, paying, etc. if we end up going on a second date. But for a first meeting, I think going dutch is best.

 

What sort of first dates do you go on?

[MaleIntuition]

Exactly, expensive dinner - especially in Sweden - is NOT the norm, when people behave abnormal it’s reasonable to ask why. Why does he feel like he have to impress someone he does not even know yet? Now we know why.

 

A couple of drinks in a cosy bar is low investment, it’s less “formal” than coffee and cake, and the atmosphere is often fairly relaxing. Also; alcohol.