Is it wrong to be the OW/OM when you don't want a relationship?

[ja123]

Let's say you never get caught by the BS, is it wrong to be the OW/OM?

 

Am I wrong for thinking this?

 

I don't want a relationship and I don't want someone to become attached to me.

 

Just want to meet up for some adult fun every now and then without having to jump from lover to lover.

[BaileyB]

Not if your only concern is for yourself.

 

However, if you have any respect or compassion for others, I would think that you would find it difficult to engage in any activity that would cause emotional pain for the man’s wife and children and possibly contribute to the destruction of a family.

 

And, how could you ever predict that the you or the MM would not develop feelings or that the BS would ever discover the affair?

[carhill]

Hypothetically speaking, one isn't an OM/OW if there is no involvement nor relationship. People flirt and have NSA sex all the time. Marital/relationship status is sometimes shared, sometimes not.

 

If a person likes having NSA sex, and everyone is an adult and mentally competent, IMO go for it. People have been doing that for centuries.

[ja123]

Hypothetically speaking, one isn't an OM/OW if there is no involvement nor relationship. People flirt and have NSA sex all the time. Marital/relationship status is sometimes shared, sometimes not.

 

If a person likes having NSA sex, and everyone is an adult and mentally competent, IMO go for it. People have been doing that for centuries.

 

I have had NSA sex only to find out marital status later.

 

Never felt like carrying it on, as I just wasn't attracted enough to the person. So, in that sense, I was spared any moral dilemma.

 

True about NSA sex going on for centuries. And I do like that you say go for it!

 

Yet, if one does know the potential lover's marital status beforehand, is there a breach of morals? Especially if one doesn't get caught.

[ja123]

And, how could you ever predict that the you or the MM would not develop feelings or that the BS would ever discover the affair?

 

The only way BS would find out would be through MM.

 

I'm incredibly discreet.

 

I hadn't thought about the MM developing feelings, though. I'd have to make it upfront that we're going to feel like we're on vacation and not to misconstrue that feeling with the realities of everyday life.

 

I'd also say that you gotta be ready for the pain of breaking up and this type of relationship doesn't go on forever.

[Ronni_W]

Yet, if one does know the potential lover's marital status beforehand, is there a breach of morals? Especially if one doesn't get caught.

Integrity isn't about getting caught or not; it's about staying true to your own, self-determined values and principles without consideration for how you will come across to others.

Whether or not other people ever know what you stand for, and/or what you do not stand for, would not factor into your decisions and choices...if you truly wanted to live with integrity.

[ja123]

Integrity isn't about getting caught or not; it's about staying true to your own, self-determined values and principles without consideration for how you will come across to others.

Whether or not other people ever know what you stand for, and/or what you do not stand for, would not factor into your decisions and choices...if you truly wanted to live with integrity.

 

Well said.

[Haydn]

Hello Ja! Hope you are good.

 

What if you become attached or attracted to him?

[ja123]

Hmmm integrity.

 

Well, I could argue that the burden of responsibility should be borne by the married person, no?

[ja123]

Hello Ja! Hope you are good.

 

What if you become attached or attracted to him?

 

Hey Haydn,

 

All is good.

 

We have got legal weed in Canada, as of today! lol

 

To your question, I'd have to be attracted to the person in order to see him, but attached ... I certainly hope not. I would prove to be very lame if I did.

[BaileyB]

Hmmmm. Integrity.

 

Well, I could argue that the burden of responsibility should be borne by the married person, no?

 

Except, at the end of the day you do have to look at yourself in the mirror.

 

What kind of person do you want to be? At some point, you will have to answer for the decisions you make in your own life.

 

That’s like saying “I have no responsibility to be a good person - to be honest, respectful, kind, considerate, or compassionate to the other people and that’s not an acceptable answer in my book.

[Haydn]

I don`t know.

 

But feelings and emotions are quite hard to order if you like someone.

 

Dunno if responsibility comes into it if you are caught up.

 

But i wish you all the best Ja.

 

You gave me great advice in the past so i am sure you will work it out.

[BaileyB]

The only way BS would find out would be through MM.

 

I'm incredibly discreet.

 

If I may say, that’s both incredibly naive and very arrogant.

 

I work with children, and they have a better moral compass than what you have shared in this thread.

 

But, by all means... do whatever you want to do. I’m not going to try and convince you otherwise.

[ja123]

Except, at the end of the day you do have to look at yourself in the mirror.

 

What kind of person do you want to be? At some point, you will have to answer for the decisions you make in your own life.

 

That’s like saying “I have no responsibility to be a good person - to be honest, respectful, kind, considerate, or compassionate to the other people and that’s not an acceptable answer in my book.

 

In today's world, I'm just a consumer taking what's offered on the market.

 

I used to care, Bailey, but maybe I really don't anymore. I don't know. I'm trying to work it out.

 

My emotional investments went south and I've been treated poorly. At least with someone who is married you just "can't" get involved. I'm looking for physical intimacy, not emotional intimacy.

 

Just want a laugh without any commitments ...

[Haydn]

If I may say, that’s both incredibly naive and very arrogant.

 

I work with children, and they have a better moral compass than what you have shared in this thread.

 

But, by all means... do whatever you want to do. I’m not going to try and convince you otherwise.

 

That`s a tad harsh.

 

Ja, asked for advice not `Schooling` or condescension.

[carhill]

LS at its finest. Preach!

[BaileyB]

I’m not really trying to preach.

 

You have every right to do whatever you want to do with your life, as long as it does not hurt other people. And, while it may be well intended fun for you, what you are suggesting in this discussion may well be extremely hurtful to others.

 

Really think about that, before you decide to proceed and have you NSA fun.

[elaine567]

NSA fun fine, but why mess with other people's marriages?

 

 

In a vacuum everything may be hunky dory, but in the real world men in affairs by all accounts are often pretty horrible to their wives and sometimes kids too, whilst in the affair.

It is no victimless "crime".

[BaileyB]

NSA fun fine, but why mess with other people's marriages?

 

 

In a vacuum everything may be hunky dory, but in the real world men in affairs by all accounts are often pretty horrible to their wives and sometimes kids too, whilst in the affair.

It is no victimless "crime".

 

Exactly.

 

For fun, let’s consider the other option. Would it be better to hear “By all means, insert yourself in another marriage and don’t worry about the consequences, as long as the sex is good and you don’t get hurt?”

 

That doesn’t seem like particularly good or responsible advice to give.

 

If you want NSA sex, you would be better served to find someone who is unattached to have a FWB relationship - no harm, no foul.

[somanymistakes]

Find someone who's single, or in an open relationship.

 

If you're female, go to a swinger's club, you will have your pick of all the NSA sex you could want.

[Starswillshine]

Yes. I dont even understand the mindset where anyone would question whether it is wrong or not. It hurts people. It is wrong. Period. End of discussion.

 

Plenty of guys out there dying for some NSA sex.

[guest569]

Very wrong.

[preraph]

Would you want it done to you? I didn't think so. Of course it's wrong. It's unethical, helping someone cheat and hurt the person they are committed to. Why would you even reward such a person with sex? If you're going to reward some stranger with NSA sex, reward a single person not some jerk sneaking around on their poor wife and risking his entire family for 10 minutes of getting off.

[Betrayed&Stayed]

Let's say you never get caught by the BS, is it wrong to be the OW/OM?

So it's wrong only if you get caught?

 

Am I wrong for thinking this?

Yes

 

I don't want a relationship and I don't want someone to become attached to me.

An Affair is a relationship. Like all sexual relationships, one of you will become attached.

 

Just want to meet up for some adult fun every now and then without having to jump from lover to lover.

An Affair is nothing but drama. I'm thinking you want to avoid drama.

[Mr. Lucky]

The only way BS would find out would be through MM.

 

I'm incredibly discreet.

 

 

Says every OW/OM, right before it all hits the fan.

 

I think you're missing two things -

 

- plenty of opportunity for an NSA relationship with single people

 

- the fact that your AP is married doesn't inure either of you to attachment, drama or messiness

 

So yes, you could choose a married partner. There's just no good reason to do so...

 

Mr. Lucky