Is it wrong to be the OW/OM when you don't want a relationship?

[basil67]

ja123, given your responses to the answers, it seems pretty clear that you don't think it's a bad thing to do. So why ask the question in the first place?

[Logo]

What you’re essentially asking is, “Is it okay to be an accessory to cheating?”

 

 

 

The answer is, “Would you like someone to cheat on you?”

 

 

 

 

I get the point that if the other person who’s in a relationship decides to cheat, then he or she besrs the responsibility too, but you also bear a responsibility for facilitating it or seducing someone into it.

 

 

Just because someone cheats WITH you, doesn’t absolve you of responsibility.

 

 

There are plenty of ways to get friends with benefits or just FB, but you seem to get some kind of rush or satisfaction from the secretive nature of it or the ego boost you might get from it. Either that or you have someone specific in mind and you were looking for validation by asking your question.

 

 

 

 

I find cheaters to be morally repugnant and reprehensible, so I’m sure you can imagine my view on those who help cheaters cheat.

[guest569]

Is it OK to murder someone if no one finds out?

[Ronni_W]

Hmmm integrity.

 

Well, I could argue that the burden of responsibility should be borne by the married person, no?

Each person bears the burden of responsibility of his or her own personal philosophy, ethics, values, promises and principles, according to his or her own conscience.

You cannot 'download' yours onto your sex partners, even though that may feel tempting and convenient.

[pepperbird]

Hypothetically speaking, one isn't an OM/OW if there is no involvement nor relationship. People flirt and have NSA sex all the time. Marital/relationship status is sometimes shared, sometimes not.

 

If a person likes having NSA sex, and everyone is an adult and mentally competent, IMO go for it. People have been doing that for centuries.

 

 

people have been doing lost of things for centuries. That doesn't make them okay.

[pepperbird]

The only way BS would find out would be through MM.

 

I'm incredibly discreet.

 

I hadn't thought about the MM developing feelings, though. I'd have to make it upfront that we're going to feel like we're on vacation and not to misconstrue that feeling with the realities of everyday life.

 

I'd also say that you gotta be ready for the pain of breaking up and this type of relationship doesn't go on forever.

 

 

this post really contradicts itself. If it's just NSA fun, why would there be much emotional pain when it ends?

 

 

that's like me saying i'd be in emotional pain if the gym I go to closes down.

[pepperbird]

In today's world, I'm just a consumer taking what's offered on the market.

 

I used to care, Bailey, but maybe I really don't anymore. I don't know. I'm trying to work it out.

 

My emotional investments went south and I've been treated poorly. At least with someone who is married you just "can't" get involved. I'm looking for physical intimacy, not emotional intimacy.

 

Just want a laugh without any commitments ...

 

 

so you are a okay with asking some other woman to bear the weight of your emotional baggage?

 

 

pleas spare me the " his spouse will never find out" because you have no way of knowing that. If she does, she could well be in immense pain, and you will have helped to cause that. That's bad enough, but you'll know that you helped to play a role in that. If that doesn't bother you, I suggest that you do some serious soul searching about whether or not that's the kind of person you want to be.

[carhill]

people have been doing lost of things for centuries. That doesn't make them okay.

Never said it did. Reality is that people do what they do. They cheat, they lie, they murder, they destroy. Each of us gets to decide what's OK. Plenty of people have decided the preceding was OK for them. Billions more opinions to consider, all worth, what? Then we die. I'd like to think the righteous die better but I doubt it.

 

When I was answering the OP, I was reminded of a great scene in a movie called Rich and Famous. In that movie, two people, a man and a woman, are sitting together on a plane. They get to talking, drinking, eating and end up mile high clubbing it in the lav. Pretty graphic. Jackie was hot They land, are walking through baggage claim and the man's daughters run up to him and give him a hug. Then his wife gives him a hug and kiss. Poor Jackie is standing there still wet from their plane tryst while the lying husband yuks it up with his family.

 

Is that OK? She might have thought so in the lav, two adults having consensual sex. In baggage claim, oops. That's reality. Had the wife and kids never appeared he could've carried on the tryst to a hotel, etc, etc. She'd be thinking, cool, OK, this is hot, continue please! That's how things go sometimes. Can't read minds. Sex is powerful, exceedingly so for some people. They don't sit back, do a criminal background check, drug and STD tests while calmly contemplating mashing genitals together. Those of us who do can see the difference. We're analyzing and they're out enjoying life. Which path is better, which is worse, which is righteous? Who cares?

[ja123]

A lot of people have weighed in, and I thank you.

 

 

I have been the Jackie-type only to be let down when wifey and under 1-year old baby walked on the set of the film.

 

I have had a man cheat on me. I dumped him, but looking back on it he was one of the best: paid my trip to Cuba to-get-back-at-him, lots of presents, jewelry, chocolates and clothes. He bought the other woman stuff too, but looking back on it, where was the big harm in having both of us when he was capable of keeping both happy? We found out and things came to a head. These days, I probably would've carried on.

 

Yes, I do have someone in mind and I wanna mash it with him.

 

Someone on here said MM's wife and children would be treated worse, if I were secretly on the scene. I disagree. It is very possible they'd be treated better if their husband/father were allowed to knock off some steam in his high-pressured life.

 

This cannot be equated to murder. 'nuff said.

 

And no, I'm not arrogant in saying I am discreet. I've had practice and am good at it. I'm not wishing to stalk this man, his family or anything of the like.

 

When I said there could be pain when this type of relationship comes to an end, that was with the thought in mind that Monsieur has somehow developed feelings when he'd been told not to. If he tries to get over-attached, meddle in my life, etc. then that's my cue outta there.

 

I am certainly not asking this woman, BS, to carry my baggage. She won't know I exist unless MM drops a clue. I'm not the type who needs daily texts, phone calls, etc. quite the opposite, as I find it annoying.

 

I've been to swinger clubs, and would do it again with a "partner" or another couple. It's delightful to see, to touch, etc. Yet there are no swingers clubs where I live and I'm looking for one-on-one right now ... yes, I have someone in mind.

 

I don't think this man is a bad person, he's just a person. As am I.

[d0nnivain]

Yet, if one does know the potential lover's marital status beforehand, is there a breach of morals? Especially if one doesn't get caught.

 

the married person absolutely breached their vows. If you don't know, you did nothing wrong. However, I would not continue because you know the other person is betraying somebody. If for no other reason then karma, you wouldn't want to be the BS, don't participate or facilitate the married person's cheating.

[preraph]

She'll know. They always know, because their man's behavior changes one way or the other and they know him better than anyone else, and they know. If he treats her better, she'll know why.

[Mr. Lucky]

I have had a man cheat on me.

 

Perhaps he found someone like you. How'd it feel?

 

Mr. Lucky

[BaileyB]

Someone on here said MM's wife and children would be treated worse, if I were secretly on the scene. I disagree. It is very possible they'd be treated better if their husband/father were allowed to knock off some steam in his high-pressured life.

 

I don't think this man is a bad person, he's just a person. As am I.

 

You really have found a way to justify and rationalize this affair. And that's really not a good thing.

 

I'm honestly not sure why you posted. You are not willing to consider anyone's opinion but your own and you seem determined to move forward, doing exactly as you like with no regard for anyone's feelings but your own.

 

You would think that someone who has been hurt in the past such that she has put up walls and refuses to allow herself to be vulnerable to another person would be sensitive to causing the same kind of pain for another individual... but, apparently not.

[ja123]

Perhaps he found someone like you. How'd it feel?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Neither of us knew about the other.

 

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Thanks all I've received enough responses.

[Mr. Lucky]

Neither of us knew about the other.

 

Guess I wasn't clear. I meant your "BF" was unfaithful through finding someone with the flexible moral boundaries you're proposing. He cheated on old you with new you...

 

Mr. Lucky

[ja123]

@ Mr. Lucky

 

The other woman didn't know BF was already in a relationship. She wasn't the "new" me with, as you say, flexible morals. She had no idea the dude was two-timing both of us and neither did I.

[BaileyB]

@ Mr. Lucky

 

The other woman didn't know BF was already in a relationship. She wasn't the "new" me with, as you say, flexible morals. She had no idea the dude was two-timing both of us and neither did I.

 

Even more reason for you to understand and have empathy for what you are considering. But, you don't... as per your other thread.

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/603465-crush-doctor-does-he-feel-same-update-internet-search-proves-he-likes-me-15.html#post7656228

 

Good luck to you.