Trying to Move On

[Lotus_Luna]

IÂ’ve been involved with a MM for almost two years. ItÂ’s an emotional affair, more like a friendship then romance. We havenÂ’t had sex, but have had some sexual contact a few times over the years. We donÂ’t meet to mess around and we donÂ’t talk about being sexual. We donÂ’t discuss his marriage, he doesnÂ’t complain and I donÂ’t pry.

We have been on and off throughout this time. He does the push/pull because of whatever guilt or indecisiveness he has. At one point I think he was more serious about having a legitimate relationship but I wasnÂ’t ready.

IÂ’ve been trying to move forward with my life. I am in therapy, I changed careers, branched out socially, got hobbies, spent months focused on self growth.

 

Yet, I still want this man by my side. I want a boring and regular life. I am hoping eventually my heart will align with my logic. I will find whatever IÂ’m looking for elsewhere.

 

There was a point that this relationship served a purpose, he really built me up a reminded me of my self worth. But now thereÂ’s a lot of pain associated with him because of the nature of the relationship. I donÂ’t know how to heal and move on. I keep doing all the things IÂ’m told to do, but I donÂ’t feel relief.

[Belle23]

I’m really sorry to hear that you’re in such pain. The good part is that you recognize that you need to move on. I feel like that’s the biggest hurdle in moving on from any relationship because so many of us cling to hope that the failing relationship will turn around. I know I tend to hold onto relationships past their expiration, but what I’ve learned is that once I feel the need to move on, I need to cut contact immediately. It will hurt for awhile, but it will help you heal in the long run. When he contacts you, ignore him. If you can’t ignore him, then keep it the conversation brief.

 

Also, I know deep down you don’t want this man by your side. He’s a cheater and if he cheats with you, he’ll cheat on you. I think you want a relationship and this guy is just familiar to you, so you feel you need him more than you do. Don’t worry, go out and live life and the right man will come along.

[ABernie]

 

There was a point that this relationship served a purpose, he really built me up a reminded me of my self worth.

 

Take this and run with it. Body, mind &/or soul.

[Lotus_Luna]

I’m really sorry to hear that you’re in such pain. The good part is that you recognize that you need to move on. I feel like that’s the biggest hurdle in moving on from any relationship because so many of us cling to hope that the failing relationship will turn around. I know I tend to hold onto relationships past their expiration, but what I’ve learned is that once I feel the need to move on, I need to cut contact immediately. It will hurt for awhile, but it will help you heal in the long run. When he contacts you, ignore him. If you can’t ignore him, then keep it the conversation brief.

 

Also, I know deep down you don’t want this man by your side. He’s a cheater and if he cheats with you, he’ll cheat on you. I think you want a relationship and this guy is just familiar to you, so you feel you need him more than you do. Don’t worry, go out and live life and the right man will come along.

 

Honestly, I don’t see him as a cheater. Our relationship wasn’t like many I see or read about. I’m the third relationship he’s had, and even then it took years to becomes something. We both held back for a long time.

 

The problem is he feels motivated to stay in his marriage for his children, I don’t. Ultimately that is what burnt the affair out. When he was ready to go all in, I held back and then we reversed.

 

I am realistic that I will have to admit to every future partner that I cheated on my marriage. I hope that someday someone will see past that and the label ‘always a cheater’ and realize people make unwise choices when they feel powerless.