tllnd Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 My ex broke up with me 6 weeks ago due to me not trusting him. He said that I was destroying our relationship with constantly bothering him about other women and not giving him enough freedom. Now I was begging for a bit after that and he was going back and forth twice between wanting to work it out and not wanting to work it out. We were talking on the phone for the weeks after the break up, mainly it was him crying that he loves me and misses me, but not sure what he should do, as he seems it would never get better. I told him I am willing to put in the work to change, but he said we are not good for each other right now. Then I decided to go NC. He reached out to me last night after 17 days of radio silence from me. He said it is hard to not be in touch at all. I replied today that I hear him. He asked how I am doing and I said I am doing well. He then asked if I would be up for meeting up sometime soon. What should I reply? Do you think this is a good sign and he may want to get back together? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 I was destroying our relationship with constantly bothering him about other women and not giving him enough freedom. There must be a reason why you have been feeling this way. It would be helpful to understand your reasoning before providing advise as to whether it would be wise to consider reconciliation. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 He wants to meet so take him up on that offer & listen to what he has to say. Reconciliation requires communication. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tllnd Posted October 18, 2018 Author Share Posted October 18, 2018 There must be a reason why you have been feeling this way. It would be helpful to understand your reasoning before providing advise as to whether it would be wise to consider reconciliation. I am just a super jealous person and that can be quite destructive, I know that. But I know he loves me so much and I was really unfair to him. He was so invested in us but he seemed to not see a way out of it, so he broke it off. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 The way you talk about your jealousy, it seems that you accept this as part of yourself. Have you considered getting therapy for it and learning how not to be jealous? This relationship *may* have a chance if you get yourself into therapy straight away and learn techniques to deal with irrational thoughts how to hold your tongue. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author tllnd Posted October 18, 2018 Author Share Posted October 18, 2018 The way you talk about your jealousy, it seems that you accept this as part of yourself. Have you considered getting therapy for it and learning how not to be jealous? This relationship *may* have a chance if you get yourself into therapy straight away and learn techniques to deal with irrational thoughts how to hold your tongue. I brought myself to start therapy right when the breakup happened and have already learned a lot about myself in the last six sessions that I have been to. I also am learning about where it comes from and how to deal with it, so it is not that I would just go back into this relationship (if there is another chance) with the same issues. I know it would not work with the same issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tllnd Posted October 18, 2018 Author Share Posted October 18, 2018 Does anyone have an idea what I could reply to his text? He basically asked if I would be up for meeting up with him sometime in the near future. What is a cool response, without coming off too eagerly? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 Does anyone have an idea what I could reply to his text? He basically asked if I would be up for meeting up with him sometime in the near future. What is a cool response, without coming off too eagerly? Just respond that you would like to meet up and talk with him as well. Not sure what you mean by “cool response” — if you want to reconcile, no need to play games. When you both are face to face, communicate and listen to what he has to say. Link to post Share on other sites
zouz71 Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 can you define your super jealousy ? give examples . Link to post Share on other sites
Author tllnd Posted October 18, 2018 Author Share Posted October 18, 2018 can you define your super jealousy ? give examples . I am working on that in the therapy. For example, I would get mad at him if he would not call me after a night out with his friends or I would ask him about a specific girl who became his new facebook friend, stuff like that. I showed a lot of lack of trust a lot of the time and he felt he needed to defend himself all the time. I don't want to get into details now because I am doing a great job at working through my problems in the therapy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tllnd Posted October 18, 2018 Author Share Posted October 18, 2018 Just respond that you would like to meet up and talk with him as well. Not sure what you mean by “cool response” — if you want to reconcile, no need to play games. When you both are face to face, communicate and listen to what he has to say. I understand. Do you think it is a good idea to meet up with my ex? I feel like he wants to talk.. if he just wanted to meet up as friends, he would probably make that clear, since the last time we talked about meeting up (about four weeks ago), he said he only wants to meet up if I don't have any expectations from it. But that was after he had made his decision to break up with me. But then I went cold and he became really needy and kept saying how much he loved and missed me, and missed us, until I told him I do not want to hear any more of that, as it does not help me move on from him. He got a bit mad and said I should forget he called, and he was crying when we hung up. I went radio silent after that for almost three weeks and now he has reached out. So I feel he really wants to maybe talk about everything and see if there is another chance for us. It must have taken him quite some courage to even reach out in the first place. We were so much in love. He is my absolute dream man and I never loved someone so much in my whole life. Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 At this point it is kinda like dancing. He has ask you to dance, just say yes and let him lead. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tllnd Posted October 18, 2018 Author Share Posted October 18, 2018 At this point it is kinda like dancing. He has ask you to dance, just say yes and let him lead. A friend of mine suggested he may just want to meet up as friends, to soothe his own pain from losing me.(Bear in mind that friend does not know him and his personality). I just can't imagine, given what he said 4 weeks ago when I suggested to meet up again. And I really feel he's been suffering those past 3 weeks, especially when I saw his weird online behavior and how he was crying on the phone so much shortly before I went radio silent. This is a guy who said we are meant to be together 2 weeks before he broke up. I feel he just hit a crisis point and regrets his decision... I don't think he's happier without me, and I feel our hearts are connected, and if he feels the slightest how I feel, he will want to work it out. I just really hope so... I wrote him back now that I am busy this week but will get back to him soon about what's a good date for me to meet up. Do you think that's good? That way I can go NC for a little while longer. I just want to make sure I don't let him 'back in' too early. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 I understand. Do you think it is a good idea to meet up with my ex? I feel like he wants to talk.. if he just wanted to meet up as friends, he would probably make that clear, since the last time we talked about meeting up (about four weeks ago), he said he only wants to meet up if I don't have any expectations from it. But that was after he had made his decision to break up with me. But then I went cold and he became really needy and kept saying how much he loved and missed me, and missed us, until I told him I do not want to hear any more of that, as it does not help me move on from him. He got a bit mad and said I should forget he called, and he was crying when we hung up. I went radio silent after that for almost three weeks and now he has reached out. So I feel he really wants to maybe talk about everything and see if there is another chance for us. It must have taken him quite some courage to even reach out in the first place. We were so much in love. He is my absolute dream man and I never loved someone so much in my whole life. Then say to him that you are willing to talk if it entails moving forward with the potential of working things out together again and the possibility of reconciliation but if he wants to meet because he misses the familiarity and comfort he had with you, then you explain that you are hurting/grieving and that you need time and distance to heal and move on. If you want definite answers, you need to communicate with him. All we can do is speculate -- his reasoning for wanting to meet has to come from him and then you can decide where you need to go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 Does anyone have an idea what I could reply to his text? He basically asked if I would be up for meeting up with him sometime in the near future. What is a cool response, without coming off too eagerly? Short & direct is your best bet: Thanks for reaching out. When & where would you like to meet? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 I would be very careful here. Just because he misses talking to you or having sex with you doesn't mean he's changed. People don't change just like that. And no contact would be if you had blocked him so this couldn't happen. His words "hard not to be in touch at all" imply he just gets lonely (or more likely, horny) sometimes, not that he's wanting a full-time relationship where he changes miraculously. You're just going to get hurt again. Nearly all exes will weasel around and see if you'll accept just having sex when they can't get any elsewhere after a breakup, with no obligation on their part. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tllnd Posted October 19, 2018 Author Share Posted October 19, 2018 I would be very careful here. Just because he misses talking to you or having sex with you doesn't mean he's changed. People don't change just like that. And no contact would be if you had blocked him so this couldn't happen. His words "hard not to be in touch at all" imply he just gets lonely (or more likely, horny) sometimes, not that he's wanting a full-time relationship where he changes miraculously. You're just going to get hurt again. Nearly all exes will weasel around and see if you'll accept just having sex when they can't get any elsewhere after a breakup, with no obligation on their part. He's not the kind of person to just meet me for sex. We loved each other a lot and the break up was very painful for both of us. I doubt he'd have the balls to just get in touch and ask to meet up if it wasn't for good intentions - not after what he did to us. So no, I don't think he'd ever do that to me after everything... I didn't read anywhere that No Contact means blocking someone..? Link to post Share on other sites
Jacob_Duluoz Posted October 24, 2018 Share Posted October 24, 2018 Either agree to meet up with and then do so promptly, or accept that there's nothing between you. Stop talking to strangers on the internet and start talking with him, and not from a closed, defensive posture. Otherwise there's no point to any of this than ego-stroking. Link to post Share on other sites
sutsie Posted October 26, 2018 Share Posted October 26, 2018 That's awesome. Chance for reconciliation. At least you guys are communicating and trying. My ex gave me a quick blindside kick in the teeth a month ago without any warning or reason after over three years together. No communication. Nothing. Take the opportunity if its what you want and feel its the right thing to do for you. I hope it works out for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts