My life is a mess: Wife and relative Vegas Story

[preraph]

I would agree, except she doesn't take responsibility for anything. All the issues in the marriage are her husband's fault, all the mischief on the trip was her cousin's fault. She makes it sound like she is just on the ride in life. Usually the attitude hides lies. Just saying.

 

She's just learned that's what works best to counter his insecurity, that's all.

[Whoknew30]

Hi Folks isn't there a saying "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas"? Fact is we do not know either the OP or his wife and what their actual dynamic is. However, if I do know one thing then it is that you cannot clap with one hand. I would think that there was an equal contribution to the marriage reaching the low level it is at, which is why I said that the OP and his wife are possibly incompatible and that if they separate amicably then maybe both of them can go on to find partners with whom they can both build happy marriages. What is the point of continuing in an unhappy marriage? Just something to think about.

 

It’s sad how some will shoot out “divorce” bc an imperfect time. If looking for perfection, one would be looking forever. A couple can very well work on themselves & their relationship at the same time. Saying if a couple spits, all of sudden a new person & relationship will combat the issues they had in previous relationship, is something no one can say...bc the one half of the issue from a marriage is still the same & if they didn’t self reflect & learn from the previous failure, who’s to say they won’t repeat their same mistakes with someone & run into the issues with a new relationship? It’s why you see so many people regret divorce when seeing their spouse as a different person & wishing they could have learned together vs starting over with some new. People don’t have to spilt to self reflect as individuals & a couple. Every relationship goes through unhappy times...

 

OP...you’ve made years of issues about one trip...which says you probably have a habit of doing this throughout your marriage & not really listening. Your insecurities aren’t your wife’s fault & if you blame her, you’ll never get over this feeling & it will eventually ruin your marriage & follow you into any further relationship you were to enter. Often when one person is extremely insecure, it can really eat at the other person & in turn can cause a negative unhealthy response from the spouse dealing with it. Now they ultimately are held accountable for their negative behavior too...it’s just the cycle has to stop somewhere. With work & love you can accomplish what you want as a couple!

 

I’ve also been with my H 20 + years...we’ve done a lot of rotten things to each other, been through a lot with each other & even ourselves are surprised we’ve made it...& it’s made us closer so much closer. I’d rather have gone through it with him vs what I watch, some around me, going through the same crap with multiple people. lol new people, new problems to face. You know everything there is to know about each other’s issues...which is a huge head start to be able to heal them...good luck

[usa1ah]

Aha! Vegas isn't THE issue. Vegas is the straw that broke the camel's back.

 

 

I get why your wife didn't tell you the full story. 1). How her cousin behaves is actually none of your business. 2). she knew it was going to bother you & she preferred to avoid the hassle. The later isn't good practice inside a marriage. Sins of omission do hurt but if you hope to save your marriage work with your wife on your communication. You both need to do better.

 

His wife going to Vegas with a cheater is his business.

[usa1ah]

This is the wife of the OP. My husband has failed to give full disclosure with his post in Hope's to find support for his unfounded cheating accusations.

 

A little back story...I have asked my husband to go to Vegas for over a decade. He has told me flat out that he has had zero interest in going. He also got mad at my sister for asking me to fly out to babysit for her because she and her husband wanted to go. He thought it was rude of her to ask since she knew how much I wanted to go. So he knew how important it was to me.<snip>

 

Here is the problem with what happened.

 

There are to many stories here and other sites that deal with a wife going to Vegas.

 

Did you workout, but new clothes and tan up before going?

 

If so, every story that the wife dot this ends with “she cheated”.

 

I don’t know what your marriage has been like but if the roles were reversed what would you have done?

 

What if you husband said he was going to the Caribbean with a friend you didn’t trust. Say he started workingout getting in shape for this trip. Bought new clothes himself before the trip.

 

The thing that would make me believe my wife would have cheated is if she lied to me after a trip to Vegas. Lie about small things why not the big one.

 

Only you know if you cheated.

 

We all need a break from the daily grind, I just think you went about it the wrong way. It ended up with you lying to your husband about what went on and him thinking you could have cheated on him.

Edited January 4, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[doyathinkso]

Delete, I don't think this is rhe right way anymore..delete please

 

 

???? What happened? Why the change of heart? Did it go nuclear?

[Whatthehellhappened]

???? What happened? Why the change of heart? Did it go nuclear?

 

No, but it's not getting much better. I just don't get it anymore.

My wife was never really close with this cousin of her's that is a problem in the jist of my story....now she talks to her quite a bit and I think this cousin likes the fact that I'm extremely pist about what went on when they went to Vegas. At a family function she called my wife over to 'gossip' and such. I don't talk to her and an disgusted by her. She knows im pist, and seems to want to provoke. It just something that makes me want to vent.....she doesn't get it. I want this to be over, but I never really feel like I can let this go for some reason.

 

That's all.

[Poutrew]

Problem is, both these women know you don't like it when they get together - that is why they do it. They both want to hurt you. If you died today, both your wife and her cousin would spit on your corpse before they dumped you into the ground. Why do you stay in this relationship with this type of dynamic? Give both these evil women what they want. Divorce her and be free of these harpies forever. If you don't they will not stop what they are doing until you are dead... And they will blame you...

[doyathinkso]

Apparently the two cousin harpies think that they own you. As in "Oh that stupid man. If only he knew, but he never will. Tee hee hee."

 

Take control of the narrative. Reach deep down into your pants and find out where your nut-sack has been hiding.

 

If only for effect you could drop divorce papers on her. It's a long drawn-out process which can be stopped at any time. BUT... it sure as heck makes your point.

[Whatthehellhappened]

You know, I wish it was all that easy guys.

It's always fun to play the "shoe on the other foot game" and I agree, she would not be ok if I did things like she did. Just depressed guys. Sorry, its pathetic, but I've got nowhere else to turn. I feel sooooooo disrespected, it's bad.

Edited December 27, 2018 by Whatthehellhappened

[doyathinkso]

You've got nowhere else to turn?

 

Man you are turning every which way except for the right way.

 

I shall now repeat myself:

 

"Take control of the narrative. Reach deep down into your pants and find out where your nut-sack has been hiding.

 

If only for effect you could drop divorce papers on her. It's a long drawn-out process which can be stopped at any time. BUT... it sure as heck makes your point."

 

Except maybe switch "could drop divorce papers" for "should drop divorce papers".

[Disappointed wife]

Nothing new has happened...just more of the same.

My husband who feels so disrespected constantly calling the mother of his children a cheating whore in front of his kids.

 

For the record he never had a problem with my cousin before this trip. He feels like she took me away from him. Hs was not disrespected in anyway. He sent my cousin a message telling her that women are trash. So my cousin now has told other family members. The people she told which were women ignored him at a family function.

 

You guys really don't know either of us or what we've been through in the last 20+ years. So you cannot get the full picture.

 

I haven't even told my family an iota of what has been going on because I am embarrassed.

Our marriage is not healthy...I doubt it ever will be. There are 3 kids to think of. I know saying get a divorce is easy for you but it's not that easy. Especially when there is a disabled child involved who doesn't want to spend time alone with his dad because of the things he says and does to me. He does not feel safe with his own dad.

[Disappointed wife]

Also, for the record my cousin did not cheat on her husband. She did something questionable but she did not cheat on her husband while we were in Vegas. So my husband was lying when he said I allowed her to cheat to try to turn the story in his favor.

 

He also expects me to ignore her at family functions because he hates her for taking me to Vegas. I've only hung out with her once since our trip that was nearly 2 years ago. He had no problem with it last year when I helped her with her new business venture. But now he hates her and said I need to choose her over him and I'm never allowed to talk to her again.

Edited December 28, 2018 by Disappointed wife

[Whatthehellhappened]

Yes she a

Did, and yes you did. Thanks. Love the concern.

[Disappointed wife]

His wife going to Vegas with a cheater is his business.

 

She did not cheat. He had no problem with her before the trip.

[Whatthehellhappened]

Well I sure as **** do now! Nice way to treat your husband ! I know, you probably deserved it....i deserve it too.

You and "Barb" deserve each other. Glad you feel remorse. I sure as hell would.

[Disappointed wife]

Problem is, both these women know you don't like it when they get together - that is why they do it. They both want to hurt you. If you died today, both your wife and her cousin would spit on your corpse before they dumped you into the ground. Why do you stay in this relationship with this type of dynamic? Give both these evil women what they want. Divorce her and be free of these harpies forever. If you don't they will not stop what they are doing until you are dead... And they will blame you...

 

That is s horrible thing to say to someone. Especially someone who is going through a hard time!

 

We have only been together at family functions a handful of times since our trip almost 2 years ago. We don't get together to piss him off.

[Disappointed wife]

Well I sure as **** do now! Nice way to treat your husband ! I know, you probably deserved it....i deserve it too.

You and "Barb" deserve each other. Glad you feel remorse. I sure as hell would.

 

I hope your tantrum made you feel better!

[Whatthehellhappened]

That is s horrible thing to say to someone. Especially someone who is going through a hard time!

 

We have only been together at family functions a handful of times since our trip almost 2 years ago. We don't get together to piss him off.

 

This guy might be on to something.

Then what do you call it when I've told you my thoughts and you don't care? She loves the drama, that's why she pushed all this onto you.....and you accepted. Never thought you would be like her. The fact that you know how much you've hurt me over this and you still want her as a best friend is really gross. And whispering in front of your family is even more appreciated.

I really felt the trust and love...

[Disappointed wife]

You've got nowhere else to turn?

 

Man you are turning every which way except for the right way.

 

I shall now repeat myself:

 

"Take control of the narrative. Reach deep down into your pants and find out where your nut-sack has been hiding.

 

If only for effect you could drop divorce papers on her. It's a long drawn-out process which can be stopped at any time. BUT... it sure as heck makes your point."

 

Except maybe switch "could drop divorce papers" for "should drop divorce papers".

 

 

At this point a divorce is in order but not for the reasons you think. My therapist advised me to divorce him. However, there are three kids whose needs come before our own. He al Assad o, did not appreciate her advice and sent nasty messages on Facebook.

[Whatthehellhappened]

Well as any rational person would know, getting advice to get a divorce by a personal therapist without meeting or hearing a word from the spouse with three kids involved is always best.

[Disappointed wife]

This guy might be on to something.

Then what do you call it when I've told you my thoughts and you don't care? She loves the drama, that's why she pushed all this onto you.....and you accepted. Never thought you would be like her. The fact that you know how much you've hurt me over this and you still want her as a best friend is really gross. And whispering in front of your family is even more appreciated.

 

 

I did not hurt you because I did not cheat on you in Vegas!!!!!! I asked you to go for 10 years!! But we only do things you want when you want to do them!!! So yes, I went because you were never going to! That does not mean I went to cheat on you!! You are insecure and have been calling me a cheating whore since I got pregnant with our firstborn child! I should have left.you then like I had planned after the first time you put your hands on me!! But I was stupid and listened to your apologizes! I should have kept going!

Edited January 4, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[DKT3]

Also, for the record my cousin did not cheat on her husband. She did something questionable but she did not cheat on her husband while we were in Vegas. So my husband was lying when he said I allowed her to cheat to try to turn the story in his favor.

 

He also expects me to ignore her at family functions because he hates her for taking me to Vegas. I've only hung out with her once since our trip that was nearly 2 years ago. He had no problem with it last year when I helped her with her new business venture. But now he hates her and said I need to choose her over him and I'm never allowed to talk to her again.

 

I believe she did cheat and you are NOW covering for her...why? Because this thread is old, your husband made the claim a while back and you are only now disputing it. Had she not cheated you would have cleared it up right away, instead you claimed ignorance about her actions.

 

My wife also posts here (rarely nowadays) its important that you guys dont share things you haven't shared prior to posting it here.

[Whatthehellhappened]

And following me on here to further cover your tracks, deflect onto me is great! Glad you knew my feelings on things well enough to not address them personaly, but knew they might be here...crazy!

[DKT3]

At this point a divorce is in order but not for the reasons you think. My therapist advised me to divorce him. However, there are three kids whose needs come before our own. He al Assad o, did not appreciate her advice and sent nasty messages on Facebook.

 

I'm guessing you see nothing wrong with your behavior....in my experience, when someone trys to blame thier spouse for as much as you are they are usually the bigger negative factor in the marriage. Simply because you dont see anything wrong so you need to change nothing.

[Disappointed wife]

I believe she did cheat and you are NOW covering for her...why? Because this thread is old, your husband made the claim a while back and you are only now disputing it. Had she not cheated you would have cleared it up right away, instead you claimed ignorance about her actions.

 

My wife also posts here (rarely nowadays) its important that you guys dont share things you haven't shared prior to posting it here.

 

I did claim that she did not cheat in my first response. It doesn't matter anyway. She and her husband divorced a while ago. I'm defending her because he is lying and acting like he knew she was a cheater before we left for our trip. He had no problem with her before our trip.