My life is a mess: Wife and relative Vegas Story

[Marc878]

<snip> She then out of the blue, says her cousin had a guys number in her phone from the trip saved as a woman's name.....and they text all the time.

 

Then **** hits the fan. I have been out of my mind angry since this happened and very accusatory. She denies doing absolutely anything inappropriate....but I say why did you lie about your cousin. She had to have known what was going on. She has since accused me of cheating, being a horrible person and the like. I know her cousin at least cheated, she obviously didn't stop it, and now I'm sick. I obviously look at my wife a little differently now. I don't know what to do. She denies and accuses me.

 

I've really been trying to make the best of our marriage the last year....now it seems wrecked.

 

Cheating. This is an old cheater trick. Seen it used many times.

Edited January 4, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Disappointed wife]

And following me on here to further cover your tracks, deflect onto me is great! Glad you knew my feelings on things well enough to not address them personaly, but knew they might be here...crazy!

 

I didn't follow you here. You are the one who sent me the link to this thread and have told me multiple times you post here because you know I will see it just to piss me off!

[Whatthehellhappened]

Thanks []. My point.

Edited January 4, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Names

[Disappointed wife]

I'm guessing you see nothing wrong with your behavior....in my experience, when someone trys to blame thier spouse for as much as you are they are usually the bigger negative factor in the marriage. Simply because you dont see anything wrong so you need to change nothing.

 

The issue here is whether or not I cheated. I did not. So, no I did nothing wrong.

[DKT3]

The issue here is whether or not I cheated. I did not. So, no I did nothing wrong.

 

Haha, I see how you operate. First you never disputed your cousin cheating, you disputed that you cheated. Second, there are many ways other then cheating that can damage a marriage.

 

You two clearly lack the maturity to be able to communicate effectively and resolve conflict so I'm sure you guys have years of built up resentment from unresolved problems.

[Whatthehellhappened]

The issue here is whether or not I cheated. I did not. So, no I did nothing wrong.

 

The best part is when you told me after your trip regarding the false contact names...."I knew I shouldnt have told you that"

 

What else should you not tell me?

[Disappointed wife]

Haha, I see how you operate. First you never disputed your cousin cheating, you disputed that you cheated. Second, there are many ways other then cheating that can damage a marriage.

 

You two clearly lack the maturity to be able to communicate effectively and resolve conflict so I'm sure you guys have years of built up resentment from unresolved problems.

 

I'm sorry, I just went back and read my original response. You are correct I did not flat out say that she did not cheat. I thought I did. I did say that I believed her excuse.

[DKT3]

The best part is when you told me after your trip regarding the false contact names...."I knew I shouldnt have told you that"

 

What else should you not tell me?

 

You guys have to realize how highly dysfunctional your marriage appears. This isnt a healthy environment to raise kids in. It would be better if you two were apart and happy then it is together and intentionally trying to hurt one another. I believe that the husband lashes out in anger and I believe the wife plays on his insecurities and has shady behavior outside the home. Cheating? Probably, most likely on her part. Probably some verbal abuse on his part. Cant be any worse apart can it?

[Disappointed wife]

You guys have to realize how highly dysfunctional your marriage appears. This isnt a healthy environment to raise kids in. It would be better if you two were apart and happy then it is together and intentionally trying to hurt one another. I believe that the husband lashes out in anger and I believe the wife plays on his insecurities and has shady behavior outside the home. Cheating? Probably, most likely on her part. Probably some verbal abuse on his part. Cant be any worse apart can it?

 

 

 

No, I have not cheated! No, I am not shady. I'm not perfect by any means but I am neither of those things. I agree that we are dysfunctional and should be apart. For reasons that I will not make public I am not comfortable with a divorce.

[Whatthehellhappened]

Omg, lol.

Like you care now.

She thinks I'll kill myself.

[Disappointed wife]

Omg, lol.

Like you care now.

She thinks I'll kill myself.

 

That among many other worries that I will not make public.

[DKT3]

No, I have not cheated! No, I am not shady. I'm not perfect by any means but I am neither of those things. I agree that we are dysfunctional and should be apart. For reasons that I will not make public I am not comfortable with a divorce.

 

You claim not cheating, I could buy that, but the shady part is a tough sell on your part.

 

Can I ask, if you are uncomfortable with divorce then what are you doing to improve the situation? Maybe it's time to stop the competition on which one of you can be the best spouse by making the other look bad and work together to improve your situation, even if not for love, just so its more healthy for the children.

[Whatthehellhappened]

That among many other worries that I will not make public.

 

Like a phycotic rampage....you see I get accused of everything under the sun even when most are not even close to true. I've given up defending myself long ago. I'm delusional for trying anymore.

 

People do naturally get angry when situations like this one arise....

[Disappointed wife]

You claim not cheating, I could buy that, but the shady part is a tough sell on your part.

 

Can I ask, if you are uncomfortable with divorce then what are you doing to improve the situation? Maybe it's time to stop the competition on which one of you can be the best spouse by making the other look bad and work together to improve your situation, even if not for love, just so its more healthy for the children.

 

 

I was under the impression that we were working on that for the last several months which is why we have not been active on this thread in a while. I'm not trying to make him look bad either. I am however defending myself and the things I say on here may be in response to other people but they are ultimately directed T him so he actually hears me. As I have said many times, I have been asking for couples therapy for more than a decade. He refuses. He thinks that therapy is a joke. What else can I do? I've tried reassuring him. I've been telling him what has been wrong for years. He has always brushed it off and said I was dramatic. Now it's gotten to the point of no return. I don't engage when he tries to argue. We've talked rationally about our relationship...he says he realizes what he's been blind to...acts rationally for a month then has a meltdown about the same thing. I'm beyond frustrated and it kills me that this is the environment my kids are growing up in!!

[Whatthehellhappened]

Morals. Confused and disappointed in yours. That's about it.

You just mentioned you looked into a divorce months ago.....was that before or after the PERSONAL therapist that I've never spoken to told you to get one?

[Disappointed wife]

Morals. Confused and disappointed in yours. That's about it.

You just mentioned you looked into a divorce months ago.....was that before or after the PERSONAL therapist that I've never spoken to told you to get one?

 

 

That was after I came home from my cousins (wedding that you didn't want to go to) after receiving many worried phone calls from my children because their father kept telling them that I went to the wedding to cheat on him!

[DKT3]

I was under the impression that we were working on that for the last several months which is why we have not been active on this thread in a while. I'm not trying to make him look bad either. I am however defending myself and the things I say on here may be in response to other people but they are ultimately directed T him so he actually hears me. As I have said many times, I have been asking for couples therapy for more than a decade. He refuses. He thinks that therapy is a joke. What else can I do? I've tried reassuring him. I've been telling him what has been wrong for years. He has always brushed it off and said I was dramatic. Now it's gotten to the point of no return. I don't engage when he tries to argue. We've talked rationally about our relationship...he says he realizes what he's been blind to...acts rationally for a month then has a meltdown about the same thing. I'm beyond frustrated and it kills me that this is the environment my kids are growing up in!!

 

Again you are only pointing out his flaws and acting as if you dont have any. Your behavior is shady, you try to manipulate, you have been try to manipulate us and control his ability to even vent. You are as much if not more at fault for the state of your marriage.

[Whatthehellhappened]

That was after I came home from my cousins (wedding that you didn't want to go to) after receiving many worried phone calls from my children because their father kept telling them that I went to the wedding to cheat on him!

 

? ok, one of our kids was with you...?

[Disappointed wife]

? ok, one of our kids was with you...?

 

You're referring to the wrong wedding!

[Whatthehellhappened]

You're referring to the wrong wedding!

 

Oh, you are talking about the mascaraid one you told me not to go to....oddly enough with [her] there..

Edited January 4, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Disappointed wife]

Again you are only pointing out his flaws and acting as if you dont have any. Your behavior is shady, you try to manipulate, you have been try to manipulate us and control his ability to even vent. You are as much if not more at fault for the state of your marriage.

 

 

I have said multiple times that I'm not perfect. I do not claim to be. I will also point out again, my husband us the one who texted me the link to this thread so I could respond also. So, no, I'm not trying to manipulate his ability to vent. And we are both at fault for the state of our marriage! But he came here for advice without giving the whole story instead of going to couples therapy si we can work on it together. I feel that is shady!

[Disappointed wife]

Oh, you are talking about the mascaraid one you told me not to go to....oddly enough with [her] there..��

 

 

You know damn well as soon as these invitations come in the mail that you tell me flat out that you are not going...every single time! And of course she was there! She is my family just like 80% of the other guests were.

Edited January 4, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[DKT3]

I have said multiple times that I'm not perfect. I do not claim to be. I will also point out again, my husband us the one who texted me the link to this thread so I could respond also. So, no, I'm not trying to manipulate his ability to vent. And we are both at fault for the state of our marriage! But he came here for advice without giving the whole story instead of going to couples therapy si we can work on it together. I feel that is shady!

 

And why does it bother you that he vented his view events?

 

I wish you two luck, but honestly neither of you seem interested in fixing anything, just want to be right. I'm feeling dysfunctional just by reading so I'm out...again good luck.

[Whatthehellhappened]

I'm feeling dysfunctional just by reading so I'm out...again good luck.

 

Thanks..?

Didn't intend for this to get drawn out like this...just kind did.

[Disappointed wife]

And why does it bother you that he vented his view events?

 

I wish you two luck, but honestly neither of you seem interested in fixing anything, just want to be right. I'm feeling dysfunctional just by reading so I'm out...again good luck.

 

It bothers me that he is asking strangers for advice instead of going to therapy to work on things with his wife! You guys cannot give constructive advice because you don't know us or both sides of the story.