Single2018 Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 (edited) Okay. I know that some are going to say look at the person. I am but I really would like some insight. This is my first time back in the dating field and we have been going great. I don’t want to ruin it with my insecurities so please be honest , yet nice. I met this lawyer online. After first talking we decided to meet up. After that first meeting we both realized that the time we have our kids is off. So we settled on once a week date night that is locked in. If we have additional times or day ten we will discuss but usually that involves me getting s babysitter. He has four kids. All play sports. He got divorced in May and he and his ex get along really well. So six weeks have passed and in those six weeks he always texts in the mirnin and at least once more during the day. He hardly ever talks in the phones and his texts are very short. When we are in person though different story very talkative. And when we go out before he doesn’t anything else he makes the plans for the following week. He just recently took himself off the dating website however he has done that and got back on. We haven’t talked about s relationship and honestly he just got divorced so I don’t want to put that pressure on him. I am trying to enjoy the moment but here is my problem. He never comments on the things I tell him. If I tell him I had a drink visit that went south he doesn’t respond. He responds about my work issues but not my health. That bothers me. He is a partner at a huge law firm and had been an attorney for almost 21 years. He is trying to make equity partner which I don’t lnow what that means either. I was wondering if the above sounds like he is at least interested in pursuing s relationship. Job and title do matter bc I don’t want to assume that he isn’t putting in the work when he really is. So oh and he k Kristen’s meeting every time and 90 percent of the teddy communication if not 100 percent during the day for six weeks. He hasn’t missed on day. I have no idea if he is dating anyone else.and I am afraid to ask about exclusivity because I In that six week time we just had our first physical encounter last week. Nothing has changed except he is a bit more sexual when he texts at times. So my question again: when an attorney who works at a large law firm and is trying to make equity partner recently divorced with four kids and their extra curricular is it safe to say that he likes us - based on his texting everyday for six week. Looking st or scheduled and having a set date that ensures we see each other no matter what. And who really doesn’t talk about his problems or issue and doesn’t really seem to care about mine... yet will discuss these thing snd his life personal not ever work in great detail in person. He just doesn’t do it over text. Edited October 18, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 I am a divorced man who also has kids and a successful career and I can tell you that he is most definitely dragging his feet and it seems he's really not that interested in anything serious at this time. I'm not in his head, but based in what you posted if he was interested he would be making the time to at least communicate more with you especially after six weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 (edited) Okay. I know that some are going to say look at the person. I am but I really would like some insight. This is my first time back in the dating field and we have been going great. I don’t want to ruin it with my insecurities so please be honest , yet nice. I met this lawyer online. <SNIP> Welcome to middle age dating. You both have children, don’t have time for real romantic dating, you both are out of a fresh divorce and maybe not in the same page for what you want in a relationship, at least one of you has a demanding career that makes things less engaged. You have been dating for 1-1/2 months, but in reality you have been in 6 dates. You are trying to figure out where this is going and he might be satisfied with a date once a week with sex. Maybe you are happy with a date away from the kids once a week, but now that sex is involved it doesn’t feel right. You are dating a man who is accustomed to negotiation. If fact you negotiated the limits of your relationship on the first date. Let things ride and when you feel you need to change the terms of your relationship enter into a re-negotiation. Edited October 18, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 He's only been divorced 5 months. Even if his relationship with his ex-wife is good it still takes time to re-calibrate after such a big change. He has a job that requires a lot of attention and focus (equity partner means he gets a chance to buy in to the firm and then participate in its profits instead of just earning a salary). Most guys aren't big texters, but even if he was he just doesn't have time between work and his children's sporting events. Same for phone calls. So I think the daily texts are great, even if they don't have much content, he lets you know he's thinking of you. It sounds like you are just further down the line on what you want and are ready for in a relationship. He's not where you are at this moment. I would just try to enjoy the relationship for now but keep your expectations under control. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 Why are you dating this man at all? You know he's recently divorced so why take a chance? The sea is full of other fish. He's not interested in the details of your life because it's not you he's interested in, it's the dating he's interested in. The man isn't ready to reinvest himself, he wants to date, kill time, and emotionally get over his divorce. Him being a lawyer and being busy has nothing to do with his poor attitude. Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 You say he's got back on the dating site? And what's a "drink visit"? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 And what's a "drink visit"? And "Kristen’s meeting" and "teddy communication"? I'm afraid Single2018, what you're describing sounds suspiciously like a scheduled booty call. If you're "Wednesday", who's "Saturday" ? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author Single2018 Posted October 19, 2018 Author Share Posted October 19, 2018 Thanks for the input. I will say that I have to agree on the challenges and adjustment to his new life. I also think he could put in more effort with the texts but at the same time - do very much value his consistency with communication though sparse. I like the consistency of our dates. And I like that if I do ask him for a Saturday or Tuesday date he is always accommodating even though we both don’t have a lot of time. I never thought about the negotiation at the beginning of the relationship!! I do believe he wants to keep his options open and we are ultimately both on different paths. I don’t want to be Ms Right Now while I sort out my new life. So, I got back on the dating site and so did he - no surprise there, right? He still talks about our usual date night, so we will continue that at restaurants only and both date until we both want something different. Thanks so much. I do know if I want more, we wil have to negotiate and come to a mutual place for expectations. Funny thing is I just realized 90 percent of his job is settling cases ... so discussing terms is definitely a must for anything in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 Lawyers are fine with people asking Qs to gain clarity. If you have concerns address them with him. He will give you the answers you seek. If you prefer a different method of communication then tell him that too. If he's a partner now he gets a salary. If he becomes an equity partner he becomes an owner of the law firm & shares in the profits. Before he can do that he needs to show that he can develop a certain amount of business for the firm per year. Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 I’m confused — what’s “teddy communication”, and whose Kristen? If he’s back on the dating site, maybe he wants to keep his options open. And yes, if he’s trying to become an equity partner than he’s probably putting in a lot of billable hours at work. (I remember that from The Good Wife, lol). You should enjoy yourself and stop worrying. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 Thanks so much. I do know if I want more, we will have to negotiate and come to a mutual place for expectations. Since you're dealing with a lawyer, make sure you get it all in writing ... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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