Dating a girl that doesn't make much.

[ShyLove]

Hey girl lol I live in California too (moved here from Pennsylvania so I kinda get it). But I can say I have never had a guy even ask about my income lol I'm not sure where you live or how old you are but if you could get into bartending/waitressing while figuring out what you'd like to do long term that would probably help. I know a few waitresses that have made almost $70k working in LA/Hollywood and then they had "regulars" on top of that offering to help them with bills/rent/car payments lol It can be pretty easy being a woman haha

 

However, if you are happy and are getting by then I would only worry about not having much of a social life bc you are always working, not necessarily how much you are making.

 

Good luck

[CollinW]

I'm going to be frank with you.

 

There are many areas in this great country where you can move to in order to break up monotony that's not an expensive coastal area. Regardless of your current situation, being the stereotypical Midwestern girl who moves to Cali for excitement and ends up barely scraping by isn't the business. That's the challenge you'll have to move past, not the income necessarily the decision making.

 

In my opinion the focus should be on getting your business in order as it's already getting late in the game. The older you get the less likely men are willing to accept the "trying to find my way" story.

[CollinW]

The idea that men don't care about income is delusional. Men don't care about the specific salary but we do want a woman who can actually take care of herself and exhibit smart life decisions.

 

We've recently gone through a rough recession where we've witnessed first hand instability in income and lifestyle so most millennials aren't that open to taking on a dependent. And at the end of the day for the men who are, if it doesn't lead to marriage you're just going to end up right back where you were before.

[elaine567]

@elaine567 - Did you read what i wrote just above that quote you bolded? Your post pretty much reiterated what i have already written - sometimes influential men seek wealthy and influential women so that in marrying those women, they can increase their power, influence and money.

 

But he wasn't rich or influential when he set his sights on a rich heiress.

He was a student from a very poor/average family.

[RecentChange]

Hum, I have some thoughts on this. California native here, currently split my time between San Francisco and Silicon Valley - have lived up and down the state, on the coast, in Orange County etc.

 

When I get hit on, one of the first things a man usually asks me is what do I do for a living. I could be wrong, but I think it tells them about my life style, about my goals, about compatibility.

 

Now, its true, genders still do weigh on things, men are supposed to be rich and successful, and women are supposed to be pretty - right? Is that all that matters? Is it that cut and dry? I personally do not think so.

 

Many men are looking for a partner in life, and well, when the median home is $1M, unless he is loaded, that probably means a partner financially as well.

 

And for myself as a woman, I would never want to be financially dependent on a man. I would never want the relationship to be influenced by that power imbalance. Nor having my freedoms and choices determined by someone else that way.

 

The relationships I have observed where the guy is accomplished and wealthy, while the wife is... pretty - do not seem like equitable relationships. I have seen too many men resentful about the amount they need to work etc to keep their wife / white picket fence etc, and a lack of respect for their wives.

 

Sometimes it works great I guess, but what I have seen from those I know, its not a type of relationship I would want.

[Zapbasket]

Welllll, I did date someone for a long time in my twenties who seemed to care about our income disparity once the question of marriage came up. He worked in quantitative finance; I worked in the arts and social sciences. His salary was over four times higher than mine. When I was going to move into his apartment (that was our plan), he then pulled on me, "I could get a roommate who could pay more rent than you could." That really hurt, and he said that shortly before the end of our relationship. I'd like to think really he was more upset about other things and just said the rent thing to hurt my feelings / dissuade me from moving in, but:

 

He ended up marrying a woman who worked in management consulting. He's now a VP at a major financial services firm, probably making >500K per year. When I first learned this I couldn't help thinking that he was comforted by the fact that she could pull her own weight financially.

 

But who knows, and who cares. Really. If someone makes you feel bad for what you earn, he has just shown you he does not deserve you. There is never any shame in making an honest wage no matter how low it is. You have a great work ethic and just need confidence that you are a catch. Maybe some guys will dismiss you because of the work you do / how much you earn, but you don't want them anyway, and other guys won't care. Just be yourself and be proud of who you are.

[Dodgersfan11]

I moved to Los Angeles when I was 23 and started off with a job as a Receptionist at a law firm. I got asked out all the time from attorneys and everyone else. They really don't care how much money you make. But, I am old now so perhaps times have changed there.

 

Really? Maybe I have shot with a lawyer then!

[Brady_to_Moss]

Love is love in my eyes no matter if the person is broke or has millions. If I hit it off with you and get along and you're good for my heart and soul...I don't care at all how much you make. A true connection is deeper than that

[Chilli]

Nicely said brady. fully agree.

But eh , l dunno how far 40k goes over there but that's not bad anyway at least you can support yourself.

[snowcones]

A couple years I decided to uproot from Indiana and move to California on a whim, basically. I didn't have a degree in anything nor a job lined up. I was just so miserable in Indiana and really needed a new change. However, OBVIOUSLY the cost of living is way way way more in california than back home.

 

My problem is I'm 30 years old and barely making 40k working two jobs. All my experience is in warehousing so it's hard to branch out of that to find higher paying jobs. I have goals and ambitions and want to get back into school so I can do something I truly love, but it's hard to get back into school when i'm already working almost 70 hours a week.

 

With all that said, since i moved out here, i have no friends and family and i've been quite lonely. I've been doing a little dating here and there to find a partner but i feel extremely insecure because of how little i make and i feel like, especially out here, if you arent making 100k+ people think you're kinda ...well a turd. So a lot of guys I don't even go after cuz I feel like they won't give me the time of day anyway because I make so little.

 

What are your opinions on this matter? And no, I don't plan on staying at my job and I'm not accepting this low pay--it's just all that i've found SO FAR, but I continue to look.

Like you, I used to be sooooo worried about this back when I wasn't making much money and guess what I ended up attracting? Nothing but men with tons of money and men who wanted to take care of me. I was uncomfortable with that though, so I built myself up and started making good money so I could support myself. Once I got there, guess what I started attracting? Broke bums who didn't have a pot to piss in who would say things like "I like you because you have a good job!" or "I like you because you are educated!" and think that's a compliment. So life is funny like that. When you ask the universe for patience, you'll get a line at the bank. There is a lesson somewhere in these experiences for all of us, but don't ask me what it is.